Home Bar Design Ideas Knowledge Base
What materials to use for home bar? I'm building a home bar and would like a modern look. This is my second big project and would love some ideas as to what building materials to use when building the bar. I would love to build something similar to the bar in the link below. What materials do you think they used? If wood, what kind and what method did they use to create the smooth white finish? Thanks! http://www.alldoing.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/modern-home-bar-design-pictures-2.jpg I would especially like to know what materials they used for the curved black portions. What method would be good to recreate that section? thanks again
home theater design question? the tv and sound system is easy to pick out. im just a little confused on the colors. the theater is going to be in my basement. so there's no windows or anything like that. i was also thinking of putting some blue neon behind the tv that'll shine on the wall behind, and some blue neon under the bar. i just think that would look cool. but other than that, are there any other ideas as far as colors or anything else. any suggestions are appreciated.
Home business-what would you pay? I am brainstorming ideas for things to make/sell with a home business. 1. How likely would you be to buy this item from an individual? 2. What would you pay for this stuff, if anything? A. Crochet doilies, dishcloths, snowflakes, scarves B. Cross stitched ornaments, bookmarks, sipper cups, mugs, pin cushions, scented sachets, wall hangings, coasters (the coaster patterns wouldnt get spilled on cuz they have plastic seperating your drink from the pattern) C. Handmade jewelry like earrings, headbands, barrettes using seed beads or complicated design friendship jewelry or hemp D. Stollen, cookies, and bars for parties or holidays--how much for 1 stollen or 1 dozen bars/cookies? E. Homemade spice mixes (a blend of several spices to make a spice to use in baking/cooking) like spaghetti spice mix, chili spice mix, taco spice mix, rice seasoning mix, onion soup mix
Please help me finish a site design!? The client I am designing this site for is really starting to frustrate me. I have changed designs four different times now and it has caused me to get an extreme case of designer's block. I designed a header that goes well with what he wants. However, everything else is about to cause me to pull my hair out. He believes his site's home page needs to be loaded with both content and links. Please take a look at what I have so far (www.fightingsquirrels.net/dana.html) and help me with everything south of the menu bar. Do you have any suggestions, or ideas? I need to keep the "featured listings" on the main page but other than that, I think wowing him with the design will make him forget about everything else. Thanks in advance!
Web design problem with text-decoration: none; in firefox.link's wont change? At the minute i'm building a web page, i'm still designing the home page in the Safari browser, everything is perfect... but when i display it in Firefox a few of the anchor images in the navigation bar's have got a blue border around them, ive tried text decoration none but they wont seem to go and it's gettin on my nerves, i can handle quite a few css hack's in internet explorer, but this problem ive got now puzzles me , its like the blue link border around my navigation images are stuck on, which look's a mess, any of you got idea's ? thank for your time.
Where Can I Meet New People? I'm 23 and run my own web design business from my home, I'm not into the bar/club scene at all. I would like to meet new people who share the same interests as me like sports, movies and so forth. Any ideas or websites?
How do I adjust/center my brakes? Both front and back ones are rubbing the tire rims...? I have a 2007 Lemond Tourmalet (WSD), and I think that carrying the bike on my ancient trunk rack did something to the brake alignment. After I took it off the rack when I reached home, I noticed that the front brake was dragging on the wheel. It wasn't like that during my long ride. I looked at both the front and rear brakes, and they are shifted too far to the right (when you stand over the bike and look down at the wheels). Does anyone have ideas on how to adjust them? My owner's manual wasn't very helpful. for now, I adjusted the barrel so that the brakes are more open to prevent the rubbing, but as a result, I have to squeeze really hard to stop efficiently. Related questions: would one of those bar adapter (I don't know the official name) I saw at the bike shop really help with transporting a bike? It's this bar that I (guess) you attach to the WSD bike so that it fits better on trunk racks that are designed more for men's frames.
Goddamn job-seeking!? Hi, I need to vent somewhere, I'm seriously falling into depression. I live in the UK and have been here for last 7 years. I am not English, I moved from another EU country as I liked UK and wanted to study here. I have recently graduated with an MA in arts, having previously done a BA. And for god's sake, I can't find a job. Any job. Really. I have finished my MA late 2009, and sadly for few subsequent months I have been suffering from some health problems. It's all ok now, but for past 4 months I have been SPAMMING my CV with 'oh my, I am so goddamn awesome' cover letters. I sent it everywhere. At first of course to art&culture relevant companies, design places etc. Then I thought - ok, I don't have much work experience in paid employment so maybe I should start getting just any job while boosting my portfolio in the free time (Note: I was taking care of my mentally ill partner during my BA which made it impossible for me to get a normal part time job - I was earning money by selling some art, giving English lessons to people of my nationality in the area etc- I was fighting quite severe depression so graduating with that BA was achievement in itself. Rough times these were indeed). Ok so here I am sending my CV and letters everywhere. Care homes, bars, office jobs anything. AND NOTHING. It's so frustrating! Then of course every now and then I encounter people who put me down just for my nationality - as to them I am one of the foreigners who came to 'steal their job'. I mean seriously.. I made this country my home, I studied here, I never claimed any benefits, I know the language and I'm not an obnoxious tart. I also want to remain in the UK. But never mind that. My question to you people is: why the hell is it so goddamn hard to get a job nowadays? I mean yeah recession and all, but still - any job? I'm running out of money, I have no idea how i'm going to pay next months rent. Absolutely no replies from places I applied to, from shops I left my CV in... I don't know. Just getting more and more depressed, feeling like a utter retard... Just find it hard to go on :(
Help with HTML spacing/padding? I'm in the processing of starting a blog on Typepad and am having some trouble designing my navigation bar. Right now there are 4 links in the navigation bar, "home about photos contact." Basically they are all listed next to each other horizontally on the left side of the page, but I want to spread them out so that they go across the top of the page - instead of just being all smahed on the left side. I don't have any experience with HTML, though I have done a few things so far on the blog involving CSS (not sure if CSS and HTML are related). From what i've read I have to do something with padding? But I have absolutely NO idea how to do this. Is there anyone that could help me with this? I don't plan on doing much HTML stuff on my blog, so I really don't want to have to buy a book on it just for this one thing. I'd really appreciate it!! Thanks so much! Here is the code so far... <ul class="nav-list pkg"> <li class="nav-list-item"><a href="http://sitbackandsee.typepad.com/my-blog/">Home</a></li> <li class="nav-list-item"><a href="http://sitbackandsee.typepad.com/my-blog/about.html">about</a></li> <li class="nav-list-item"><a href="http://profile.typepad.com/6p0133eeb9bfc7970b">Profile</a></li> <li class="last-nav-list-item nav-list-item"><a href="http://sitbackandsee.typepad.com/my-blog/atom.xml">Subscribe</a></li> </ul> No, I am not from RTU. I don't even know what that is...haha
Pulling my hair out! Please help!? I am working on a non-profit web site and re-designing the whole web site and pages. I am frustrated in that I am trying to link a 20 page PDF document to a roll over button on the Home page navigation bar. When you test the home page and click on the specific roll over button, the PDF file does not open up. All I get is a white blank screen with the words "done" in the status bar. I do have Adobe Reader so that should not be the problem. I have checked the HTML coding to ensure it is accurate and I am at a standstill as I cannot figure out what I am doing that is not working. I have been using Dream Weaver 8 for a few years now without any problems until today :0D. Can anyone give me some ideas? Thank you
Do you want to go to heaven? Read this please.? But is wanting to go enough? Will everyone who wants to go find themselves in Heaven for eternity? If not, what else is necessary for us to live with the Lord after we die? We will search the scriptures and find the answers to these and many other questions. Notice where I said we would find the answers...in the scriptures. An open Bible and an open mind are essential to a proper understanding of God's word. Should you have questions about anything you find on this site please let your Bible be your guide. I’ve provided links to an online Bible should you not have your personal Bible with you. We will be judged by the words spoken by Jesus (John 12:48). These words were not spoken on His own authority, but He spoke only what God instructed Him to speak (John 12:49,50). Men do not have the authority to speak anything more or less than that we have revealed to us in the scriptures. To do so invites error and everlasting punishment. Please do not risk your eternal soul on the opinion of another, no matter how well respected they may be. I’ve designed the navigation bar to be used from the top down. I begin with an introduction to my website. Next, I’ve provided links for those who are interested in participating in a free home Bible correspondence course or an online series of interactive Bible lessons. The studies I’ve published to my site begin with Jesus Christ. After learning about Jesus and His sufferings on earth the site takes you to a study of religious authority. Christianity, and religion in general, is filled with differing opinions and ideas. We must understand where to find true religious authority if we’re going to be pleasing to God. As you continue down the series of lessons you’ll learn about belief, salvation, discipleship, God’s calling, grace, the church and the reality of hell. The next series of studies is designed to address issues that divide Christianity into the 34,000 different religious organizations we have today. In this section we’ll look at the sinner’s prayer and the teachings of several different Christian denominations. In the next section you’ll find a study of different non-Christian religions. The final section includes a number of newspaper articles (“It is Settled”), topical studies, word studies, Spanish language articles, poetry and humorous short stories. I’ve added a guestbook, links page and my e-mail address for your use. Please feel free to add your comments to the guestbook or e-mail your questions to me. I’ll be happy to answer them to the best of my ability. This site is a work in progress, so return often and check for newly-published lessons. God's Word is powerful, able to divide soul from spirit, joints from marrow, and discern the thoughts and intents of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). I will not try to "soften the blow" the scriptures may inflict on the hearts of those who are actively seeking to understand God's truth. One of the challenges teachers face is to present material to their students in a fashion the students can understand, but not take away from the impact of the material being taught. My goal is to present God's Word in a way that is easily understood by all who are studying with me, but to allow it to use its power for change and to direct the feet of those who are willing to follow its lead along that narrow path to eternal life. Some of my comments may seem strong--they are meant to be. Again I ask that you open the Word of God as we go through our studies and determine for yourselves the truth of His Word. In the end we will each answer for ourselves as we stand before God at the Day of Judgment. I hope the lessons we study together will help you as you continue your walk in this life and prepare you to stand before God in that great Day of Judgment.
Atheists, feminists: what is a good title for my bible-verse-based poster? I'm designing a poster and cannot think of a good title for it. It's anti-christianity in that it will include a number of verses that are anti-feminism and frankly, anti-woman. The list includes 10 verses: Genesis 3:16: I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." 1 Timothy 2:11-12 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 1 Corinthians 11:7-9 A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. Isaiah 3:12 Youths oppress my people, women rule over them. O my people, your guides lead you astray; they turn you from the path. Numbers 31:17-18 Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man. 1 Corinthians: 11:3 Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Exodus 22:16 If a man rapes a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. Nahum 3:13 Look at your troops—they are all women! The gates of your land
are wide open to your enemies; fire has consumed their bars. Any ideas for the title? The verses won't be in the above order. I originally wanted something like "The Ten Commandments: for Women Only" but only a few of the verses above include actual commands. Any other ideas? Thanks! Edit: error above^. There are MORE than 10 verses here, obviously, but they will be broken up into 10 clusters as they were found, as shown above. Tag: wow, thanks for all of those! And for the record, this crap IS why I left christianity 2 years ago, at age 15. I randomly found Ephesians 5:22 and it was all downhill from there.
Help with my barbie sweet 16 partay!? (:? Hi! I'm turning sixteen in less then three months and we've been planning this party for at least 3 months now. it's going to be at a venue at the hilton with a roon (all glass windows) overlooking the ocean. the color scheme is hot pink black and accented with white and silver. my entrance is going to be me walking into tik tok by kesha and i will be singing it while my closest friends are dancing a dance i choreographed. i still think my entrance might need a little more tho. any ideas? the tables will be decorated with white table clothes and black overlays with pink sequins, etc layed accross them the center pieces will be different barbies (ex: beach barbie on a base with sand and shells then down to the uniform pink/black base all have). i think my moms also getting custom candy bars made to put on the tables. the center of the venue is the dance floor and i think i need something to kind of play this up other then empty space. any idea? in the same allignment as the dance floor will be the dj and my cake on a light up table. the cake will be like a wedding cake but made to fit the theme. after the intro everyone will be able to get food which includes mini burgers, mini hotdogs, fries, sweet potatoe fries, chicken nuggets, etc. i wanted to stick with a mini BARBIE Q food theme. there will also be the normal beverages and special pink lemonade as my special barbie drink. after eating and maybe dancing a little i will do my father daughter dance to "butterfly kisses" and "the hustle" mixed and then my friends and i will perform a coupled dance to "barbie girl". i will then light the 16 candles with my close people. its the whole tradition thing where u call up people who are important to you. we are making a candelabra because my mom used to do party stuff. it will be black and pink feathers then mirror then glittery black then pink letters spelling out my name and silver candles. after that we will do the cake and i will cut the cake to "sugar sugar". after that everyone will pretty much be free to dance all night. other details include there will be a candy and ice cream bar and they will be decorated with zebra table clothes and black overlays with a pink bottom with pink stuff on top. the guests will be allowed to take candy home as a favor. is there anything else i could do favor wise? oh and finally i have my design for invites but i want something special with them. like something touchable other then a piece of paper to say ur gonna have an awesome night. one girl ik is giving out masks for a masqurade. i dont want to ask my parents to buy 100 barbies but just something. i also wanted to get "barbie" to hand them out but that might be considered "distracting" at school so how would i do that? thanks in advance i didnt ask you to judge my family's prosperity. were not rich. most of these things are already set in stone the only things i need help with is maybe something i can give out with my invite and a cool way to do it @gotoitalyforloveandlife thanks for not being rude about it. the big sweet 16 is more of a family tradition.
Do I still have a chance to get her back? Please read my story? We had been together 2 years and 11 months exactly, counting down the days to celebrate our anniversary, as we we're both looking forward to it so much. We were planning on going to London for the evening, nice restaurant or a bar, evening to ourselves, hotel. We were happy, and love (loved) each other so much. We had a few arguments lately, because I was scared of my new work, worried I would never see her, and because I was having trouble at home. I had a lot of issues, and she was always there through the good and the bad to help me. We might be 19, but you have no idea how mature she is. You'd think she was 25 the way she acted, even older even, that's why I always called her an "old girl" despite being a month younger :) She knew how to deal with things, like the house, financial issues, work, anything, she can do it. She has Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis, has had it ever since she was a year old. She has had it hard, lived life for a long time in a wheel chair, can barely move on some days which made school hard, yet she came out of school with A's. She always worked so hard :) She was old headed, but still so fun, and kinda crazy, her family always said she was the crazy one. It's true, she loves random things, and doesn't care what other people think, you wouldn't expect it from her, but after talking to her for a year it wasn't crazy, it was her. The her I loved and know so well. Quick backstory, we met at a friends party and I was struck, she was so beautiful. We spoke for a long while that night, and when she left I ran out into the road as she pulled away, waving her off. I didn't know if it was love then but it was something. She found my msn shortly after. She raced home everyday for a year to come talk to me, all we did was talk. Saw each other a couple of times with friends. We were there for each other. She fell for me at this time, she told me a while ago, that she had fallen for me, but was heartbroken when she didn't think I felt for her. Oh how I felt for her. I spent a year, getting to know her, finally plucking up the courage to ask her to be with me. We weren't stupid kinds. I'm incredibly old fashioned, I believe in the one and only, to wait for the one, which is why I was so scared to ask her to be with me, I was young, but I guess you could call me lucky. Anyway. We we're happy in love, everybody knew it, even her family loved me, and they thought we would go the distance, everybody did. It came up in conversation, between me and her as we sat at her sisters wedding. She said she could see herself with me, married, and I did with her. We were amazing together, and she is the perfect person for me. So why not think of her in the future? We weren't going to act on it, not for a LONG time, but it was always a possibility. She helped me find work, we planned a holiday away, but discarded it to save up to rent a place together, near work, start our lives. (She always said, when we would spend the night together, or a weekend together, that she always wants to wake up with me at her side, and that its always weird and upsetting for her when she does wake up alone). So yes, we had lots of ideas, we were starting our own lives now, want to take things into our own hands. In the last month, before she called it off, we were happy, she told me she couldn't think of life without me, and didn't want to. I believed her. I was finally getting over my issues of drinking (I hated it) and tattoos and being scared of work, it was all working out. She then said she wanted a tattoo, and I didn't like them, but she asked me to help put her design on paper for her, I did, drew it on her, and felt okay with it. Not that I had a choice, but she wanted my opinion, and I was finally over my fear of her changing if she changes something about her image. I had huge issues with that. She wanted to dye her hair, but I always freaked out, so she didn't. I didn't drink so she didn't. I could see her tearing up inside, and always said to do things regardless of what I think, because deep down it's still her, the her I know. In the last week, she went out with friends from work. I was upset, because I wanted to see her, but I said that she can just say when she wants to go out and I will understand if she doesn't want to see me. We we're happy and settled it properly. The last night I saw her, she kissed me, said she can't wait for our anniversary in exactly 1 month, and left to go out. The next day she sent a text to me at work saying she can't lie and pretend any more. We met up in the evening after I had broken down at work, but I was calm when I saw her, asked her why. She said she never wanted it to get to this point, and that she needs to find our who she is. She wants to go out and have fun and not "babysit me" all the time.I had told her I had gotten I had told her I had gotten over my issues but she wouldn't hear it. She said sorry, hugged me, cried, and left, but not before her Mum (collecting her) cried and gave me a hug, she didn't want it to end either. I stood firm and "okay" as they left. I cried when they were out of sight, all the way on my 45 minute walk home. I was depressed, yes obviously, but I kept on going. I had to, I have a baby sister to look after (who to this day whenever she sees me keeps saying "you miss her don't you?". She's 6.) and work to do aswell. I went out with a few friends, and they invited her as it was a mates last day in town. We said about two words to each other, she never looked at me... and I got drunk... I had a few shots which I don't normally approve of, but did because I'd never tried it before. She didn't like that because she knew I didn't believe in it. I joked about smoking, saying I had a fag before I stopped over, and she didn't like that either, because we both hate it, absolutel P.S. I'm not a drinker, I have a couple of drinks sometimes, but last not even once a week. So, I'm not a drinker.
$800.00 by 1-10-2009? I need to make $800.00 by the 10th of January. I am a stay at home mom and I am going back to school this semester. my husband lost his job and has had no luck finding a new one since no one seems to be hiring these days, he has been excepted into an internship school program but we are not sure when he will be going, he does bouncing at a local bar and odd jobs here and there to make ends meet. I have a job lined up in mid February so there is a light at the end of the tunnel but I need to make $800.00 by the 10th of january so we don't loose our house before I start working. Any ideas on how I could make some fast cash? I am willing to do several small things if needed. I am open to any ideas except yard sales because I don't ever have any luck with that sort of thing in my area and I have sold pretty much everything I can so far. I am good at cooking, cleaning, sewing, I do a little web design (that is what I will be going to school for, as of now I only have a basic knowledge), I am a writer, hmmm, I am sure I have other talents but that's all I can think of off hand. I have very little funds so doing something that would cost me a lot upfront is out of the question. any ideas are appreciated! Thanks in advance!
HTML links not working in Firefox? I'm using basic HTML and CSS documents to practice web design, and opening the documents in Firefox and IE to view them. On my navigation bar, I added the link to another HTML document which lets me click on it in IE and open the new page (the only real difference is the heading says social media instead of "page heading"). It works in IE and I can go back and forth from my "Social Media" page and my "Home" page. Firefox, on the other hand, isn't even acknowledging that my documents have any links. Neither the "Home" or "social media" links are working even though it's the same .htm and .css files as IE is using.... any ideas? Kristain - Initial step in fixing the hyperlinks not working issue is to reset the default browser in system. It is always better to make the Internet Explorer as your default browser. To do this, you need to open the Internet Explorer in the system and select ‘Tools’ from the menu. Select the ‘Internet Options’ and in the Internet.... Hi Kristain, The issue is in Firefox, not IE and Firefox is my default browser because IE doesn't cooperate well with other software I need to use. Is there a way for me to change those settings in FireFox and not IE since Firefox is the problem?
Css Problems...Again? Clearly, I'm not very good at this. Surely, someone can figure it out The problem that I'm having is that link within the "main" div revert to the style that is supposed to be for the nav bar rather than going to the style that is defined for the document right after the body tag in the css (it comes up in a big blue block instead of just being orange text). The weird thing is that it worked fine at first but, I guess I messed something up at some point and now its screwed. Any ideas? Here is the code: <html> <head> <title> Matthew Hager | EMS</title> <style type ="text/css"> body{ background-color:#eeeeee; text-align:center; } a:link {color:#f07400;text-decoration: none;} a:visited {color:#f07400;text-decoration: none;} a:active {text-decoration: underline; color:#f07400;} a:hover {text-decoration: underline; color:#f07400;} #wrapper{ width:920px; background-color:#ffffff; margin-top:1px; margin-bottom:1px; margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto; padding:10px; text-align:left; } #header{ width:100%; height:150px; background-color:#ffffff; } #nav{ width:100%; background-color:#236B8E; margin-top:1px; } ul#navbar{ list-style-type:none; margin:0; padding:0; overflow:hidden; } ul#navbar li{ float:left; } ul#navbar li a:link,a:visited { display:block; width:110px; font-weight:bold; color:#FFFFFF; background-color:#236B8E; border-right:1px solid #ffffff; text-align:center; padding:4px; text-decoration:none; text-transform:uppercase; } ul#navbar li a:hover,a:active{ background-color:#67C8FF; } #content{ width:100%; background-color:#ffffff; margin-top:1px; } #main{ width: 660px; float:left; padding:10px; } #right{ width: 200px; border-left:1px solid #cccccc; float:right; padding:10px; } #footer{ clear:both; width:100%; height:40px; background-image:url('img/footerbg.jpg'); margin-top:1px; } h1{ font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size:20px; font-weight:bold; color:#ee6600; } #end{ font-size:12px; color:#cccccc; } </style> </head> <body> <div id="wrapper"> <div id="header"> <img src="img/mh.jpg"> </div> <div id="nav"> <ul id ="navbar"> <li><a href="index.html">Home</a></li> <li><a href="EMS.html">EMS</a></li> <li><a href="education.html">Education</a></li> <li><a href="travel.html">Travel</a></li> </ul> </div> <div id="content"> <div id="main"> <h1>Matthew Hager | EMS Career</h1><hr color="#236B8E"> <p>This Page is Under Construction.<br><a href="resume.html">Click Here to view my resume</a></p> </div> <div id="right"> <h1>Contact</h1><br> <b>E-mail</b><br>mhager@ucsd.edu<br><br> <b>Phone</b><br>707-481-6558<br><br> <b>Mail</b><br>8078 Camino Tranquilo<br>San Diego, CA 92122 </div> </div> <div id="footer"> </div> </div> <div id="end"> Thank you for Visiting | Site Design by Matt Hager </div> </body> </html>
My mother-in-law called me a lazy drunk from Fresno & I am NOT from Fresno! Advice on how to deal with this? Here she was, shaking me by the shirt collar, calling me a lazy drunken bum, and I was having a hard time focusing; I was still on the couch where I'd passed out several hours earlier after coming home from the bar and was just coming to, see. I really don't understand why she couldn't just let me rest; geez it was still early, about 9:30 in the morning; liquor stores aren't even open yet at that time! Still, she continued her shrieking, something about why the hell I'd parked my car on the lawn; I couldn't quite make it out, my hangover left my head pounding. Anyway, I was stumbling to the kitchen to get some aspirin, and my mother-in-law is just keeping it up, saying how classy I looked in my rumpled jacket, shirt & tie, but why was I only in my boxer shorts, but still had my socks and shoes on? Can you believe this woman?! I'm trying my best to make a bloody mary with my shaking hands, and she's worried over questions of fashion! My pants are probably just down at the bar anyway; they'll hold them for me. She then started in about me not working; well, I am a freelance illustrator, and it isn't so easy to drum up work, you know. She doesn't give me credit, however; doesn't she realize how many times the guys down at the bar have bought me drinks in exchange for my drawing tattoo designs for them?! The last straw, however, was when she made the crack about Fresno. Where in the world did she get the idea I was from Fresno! Please! I'm from a classy city, San Bernardino! This is just one insult too many from this old nag! How can I deal with this shrew?
Why is my header screwed up in Firefox? I have a website I coded from scratch, but I can't seem to get the header to align right. It worked fine in Safari, but not Firefox, and I had no idea how it would look in IE. I got the advice to add a DocType, so I did, and now Safari only shows one page correctly, and Firefox shows one page almost correctly. The site is design.karanimenielsen.com The Portfolio and Home links are supposed to be in the dark grey bar on the bottom of the header image, and there should be a thin, light grey border around the active page. The header is supposed to be centered over the text and, well... visible. The portfolio page currently doesn't have anything on it except for the image that says "portfolio" Help? /<3
Love Inn - Looking for investor? Need your evaluation of my business idea - Love Inn Other question - should I start from business plan, any templete? Any reliable VC firm? build a website as model? Looking for funding for my creative idea - Love Inn. Love Inn will be located in many cities throughout US, it will be like a luxury motel. a city resort. In Love Inn, you can stay full day or just few hours, you will enjoy... 1, complete jet spa, aromatherapy massage. 2, private garden and pool. 3, advanced DVD surround sound system, game room. 4, VIP service, such as valet parking, laundry, shoe shine, car detailing, limo. 5, can open for family, company party or birthday party. 6, quality cuisine delivery, no need to go to restaurant. 7, lounge room with bar. 8, total sound proof, total freedom for you. 9, facial care(including Botax), or body scrub. 10, Private saleing - fashion and jewelry show. 11, Entertainer for private party, we can get pole dancer for you. 12, Unlimited drink and dessert. 13, no check-in counter, need reservation, no waiting. 14, two fire places per suite. 15, honeymoon, vacation package. 16, eye scan, no key, all new technology. 17, private car entry. 18, NO surveillance camera, you are completely safe and private. 19, of course, you won't miss equipment for your intimate pleasure. You may see website http://www.qmotel.com.tw/room-vip.htm... Stay in Love Inn, no need to go to Vegas, forget about renting vacation home. No need to decorate or clean your home, let Love Inn take care of you, we have 12 themes suites, every one represents different zodiac, from soft to passion, from exotic to untrl modern, overall, our suites are showy, fun and relaxed, you can enjoy any style of design. Not just for newlywed, Love Inn is great for retired couples, business trip pro, or if you are married, but... Love Inn policy - no hooker, no drug, no gambling. smoking must go outdoors. Best of all... Love Inn is more affordable than hotel rate. About me... I have long term motel experience and I am a creative designer. I will arrange field tour if you are serious(outside of US). I truly believe this idea will work, I cam looking for venture capital and professional team, you may email me shylindesign@sbcglobal.net for more information, thank you.
help with my CV- applying for jobs but not getting anywhere!!? Hey could somebody possibly help me with my CV, I'm applying for jobs left right and center with no joy! It's come out a bit dodgy on here cause i copied and pasted it, but you get the general idea. Mrs Lia Wyn Ryan, 4 ....... Telephone number :07........ E-mail address : .......@live.co.uk. Personal Profile I am moving to the Dale Barracks in Cheshire on the 3rd of December with my husband however I‘m willing to travel down for a meeting sooner than this date. I feel that the move has stirred a new sense of ambition within myself. I want a new challenge and a new career. I always strive to do a job well and I always exceed expectations in any job role I have undertaken. I’m well presented and professional. Enjoy working with others as a team, however I’m self motivated and enjoy solving problems alone, this gives me a huge sense of achievement. I have no previous experience of the work role, however I’m extremely willing to learn and progress within the company. My people skills are excellent and I have the confidence to liase with people of any gender, class and background. I’m fluent in both Welsh and English. Transferable skills ¨ Highly Organised ¨ Customer Friendly ¨ Able to work to tight deadlines ¨ Computer literate ¨ Quick learner eg new software ¨ Meticulous in dealing with detail ¨ Accurate worker ¨ Problem solving skills ¨ Honest and trustworthy Qualifications SUBJECTGRADE English Welsh Science (double award) Mathematics Art Design Technology Business Studies Graphic Design Computer Technology NVQ Health and Social CareA A B C B B B B Level 2 Level 2 Work History Grampian Prepared Meats- September 2003- October 2007 I was a factory operative at Grampian prepared meats. My main duties included grading the meats for distribution, packing the meats and keeping record of temperatures. Whilst at the company I learned how to work to a deadline and work effectively as a team Y Ty Gwyn EMI Care Home- October 2007 - August 2008 Whilst working at Y Ty Gwyn EMI care home I picked up invaluable people skills. My duties included caring for the elderly residents who suffered from dementia, preparing meals and distibution of medication. I was trusted with keys to the petty cash safe, medication cabinets and with recording care plans for the residents. Rhos Residential Care Home- August 2008 to September 2009 At Rhos residential care home I cared and support the residents, prepare meals and clean the home. Whilst working here I gained my NVQ Level 2 in Health and Social Care and attended a variety of training courses. Wellmans sports and social club My first point of contact was serving the public, this required safety awareness, tact, diplomacy and firmness. Twice weekly I was trusted with running the bar, cashing the till, locking up and ensuring all safety measures were put into place. I feel my customer service skills are excellent, I was very well liked as a bar maid and enjoyed interacting with the public. Courses Attended Health and Safety Fire Safety Food Hygiene COSSH Recording Skills POVA Dementia Care Manual Handlin (passport) Value base of care ReferencesRelevance Mrs Ann Hughes Y Rhos Residential Care Home, Malltraeth, Gwynedd, LL62 5AE Telephone: 01407840182 Mrs Ann R Jones, Cae Eithin, Mona, Gwalchmai, LL77 7YR Telephone: 01248722264Owner and Manageress of Y Rhos Residential Care home. Civil servant and family friend.
This is my essay for my ESL writing class. Can anyone give me any advice? Thank you very much.? My siblings and I are crazy about shopping online. Every other week a package is delivered in front of our door. Buying online provides us much simpler to find anything what we need and is easy to compare with other similar products. I usually scan my favorite webpage to find out their new products rather than spending half day to go to the mall. According to a research report, ‘How Do People Evaluate a Web Site's Credibility?’ by Stanford University and Consumer Web Watch states, “With more than 50 percent of the U.S. population having Internet access, the World Wide Web has become an important channel for providing information and services.” (2002) Therefore, the companies put a lot of resources to create an attractive and useful webpage in order to keep their consumers to stay and browse their websites. A good retailer website all contains the effective elements on it such as organizing categories, the ability to read, the ability to search items, and ability to realize the item from the picture. The two retailer web sites I am going to evaluate are The Body Shop website (TBS) and The Bath and Body Work website (BBW). As a consumer, I realize TBS is more successful, because of its pleasing visual appeal, smooth easy access, and understandable information. TBS has better visual appeal than BBW web. Visual appeal is the setting of pictures, color tones and graphic presentations which always give us the first impression. A web design expert, Tom Dahm states, “Color is also important for emphasizing the most important parts of our page. Remember that the purpose of Web design is to draw the visitor's eye to key page elements.” (2001). TBS keep using green consistently to highlight its natural ingredients, so the basic colors of website are green, white and black. On the homepage, it presents the products in front of the leaves with the black background. The clear background colors are not only for emphasizing TBS’s natural idea but also for highlighting of the soft color of its skin product’s image. TBS impacts visitors to have a positive impression about its natural products by using leaves in the background to make a color contrast with its products’ surface tone. In addition, there is a big rectangular picture in the middle of the website and three small rectangular pictures on its bottom. For all pictures, it shows the products on the left and descriptions on the right. Using this simple design can help the consumer to discover the products and the promotion at same time. The heading also defines the important promotion explicitly, and makes consumer easily to get into the sale event. In contrast, BBW is using a light brown color in autumn. The color of BBW’s homepage is changed many times with the seasons. The brown is not a right choice, because it does not match its colorful products. BBW uses flash pictures to show three different products which are home fragrance, body care, and anti-bacterial soap. In this way, it may introduce several products once to the visitor; unfortunately, it does not make strong impression to us. TBS has more incredible attraction than BBW because the visual appeal is organized and clear. Easy access is another reason to show TBS is better than BBW beside visual appeal. It accomplishes helping customers to find its products, if the website is organized. On TBS, there is a green scroll bar with white text on the top of the big picture. While the visitor places the mouse on any title of the green bar, it will scroll down with other subtitles. We can find the product quickly by selecting the subtitle on the scroll bar. On the other hand, BBW website does not provide a scrolling system. It has only a white bar with thin black text. When we want to find an item we have to click on the section, and then it will bring us to another page. On the second page it uses another setting by showing the small subjects on the vertical column on the left side. Moreover, there are the products’ brands (BBW sells different brands) by using several groups of subtitles under different titles on vertical column. For example, if I want to buy a lip gloss, I just click a button, “Lip gloss” under “Make Up” using the green scroll bar on the TBS homepage. However, I need to do more steps to find a lip gloss: firstly click the “Face & Hair”, secondly select a brand under “Makeup Brands”, then I will see some lip gloss on the third page. We might get bothered and unfocused when we go to too many pages to look for an item. The arrangement of BBW is more difficult for the visitor’s eyes to follow. If anyone is not the BBW’s coustomer, he will spend more time to figure out its complex setting. TBS is more successful by having more outstanding access, when it compares with BBW webpage. TBS website is more particular than BBW by providing good information. TBS and BBW carry many skin products. I have an experience of ordering an eye cream form BBW website. Indeed, it is easier if buying the item in
I'm at a weird point in my life and don't know what to do? I am a new mom, baby at home. I am 30. My husband works. We make enough money to get by, but not enough to get ahead. We rent, but wished we could own our own home. I never finished college. I had a wild life before I settled down, and I worked in bars and traveled around. I live in a city that most of the good jobs are taken by those who are bilingual (French and English) and although I speak French I do not consider myself perfectly bilingual. I would like to go back to school but I don't know what I should even go back to school FOR. Any program is going to take me at least a year or two, and it's hard because we have a little baby. I just feel like I'm at a weird place in my life. I feel like I have so many different opportunities waiting for me, but no idea how to take the first step. I am afraid of embarking on the wrong path. I have done that before with college - I went for graphic arts, and graphic design, and quit both because I decided it wasn't what I liked doing. I also feel like I would be embarassed if I went to college at this age. Most of the people there would be ten years younger than me, and I would be older and kind of lost... I'm having such an identity crisis over it all! Part of me thinks it would be a good idea to be a nurse, part of me thinks it would be interesting to try and get a job at a travel agency, part of me wants to become a tattoo artist, and part of me would like to study law. And of course, part of me just feels like staying at home with my little baby which I love doing. Sigh... Any advice for a totally overwhelmed, lost, 30 year old mom with no idea what she wants to do with her life (Or rather, TOO MANY ideas about what she wants to do with her life!)
Starting a business in Tulare? Hey all, So this has been on the back burner for at least 5 years now. I've been wanting to start up a business in Tulare, CA. for quite some time, but have been unable to for scholastic reasons (college). What I've been planning to do is open up a media based business in that town. I'm a computer scientist and animator and have been wanting to combine those two skills together to create a small but viable business in game design or 3D animation. The reason why I chose tulare was because of cheaper property over Los Angeles and it's also my home town. The business will consist of two parts. The studio/offices where the programing and animation work occurs and then the sales side. This side will consist of selling goods and services to people. On this side of the building I was thinking of having an internet bar, people pay $8 for 24 hours of internet, also we will be selling software games, cameras and computer parts. In the center I was planning to have some sort of bar that has a soda fountain people could buy custom virgin drinks to have while they kick back and surf the web or buy goods. Now, my question is, is to fill the holes... I want a business that I can work with, mostly in my animtion and computer science fields, but we would in theory be so far out from major businesses like LA or silicon valley (we're RIGHT in the middle) how would one go about being competitive in a vice like that? Also, how would a business like the one I just mentioned (split, cooperate and sales) function, I thought it would be a great idea to bring in money from the sales side to help with the cooperate side. Is that a good idea. Also who do I talk to in order to break ground to build. Also, who do I talk to to get a LOAN to start building. As you can see I still have many unanswered questions on how to execute this business so all you business folk out there, if you could lend a helping hand on this and give some suggestions, I'll take anything you have!
Early 16 bars...........? Rate, hate, comment, criticize, etc.......I'm throwing around ideas for something to start my mixtape up with. This is one of the verse I thought might be good for it. I want to go home where the grass is green Where we sit in circles and just pass the weed I hate work, fax machines, I love rapping schemes I know what’ll happen’ll be, with you attacking me Let me give you a little information…don’t ask All my skill’s in chrome flask, I’m clown so laugh A f*ck up on the wrong path, you all know that I’m a kid from a cold past, I hate my dads old ass All my thoughts scribbled in a rhyme booklet Tonight at the Grammies all your lies took it Overpowering all of my mind’s book sense I thought I could carry both our lifes I couldn’t So I’m digging for a rhyme, of a different design Make you listen in rewind, as I’m picking in you mind As zippo’s zip by, how you gonna talk with both lips tied
I had a dream about my family not really liking me? (more detail)? I had a dream about going on holiday with my family, back to a place we had visited a long time ago (the place I made up wasn't actually real, but was like your average family resort.. which is odd because we normally go to beach huts or jungle homes). When we arrived we were greeted by an old friend who was re-designing the resort and wanted our ideas. My brother quickly said a few ideas. The old friend smiled and gave him a hug. I then said an idea (I think it was involving a bigger pool) and my brother immediately scoffed at me, and said I was immature. I walked off only to find my dad making something for the resort (I guess it had turned into a reconstruction project:L) and the thing he made, made clones of people. When he told me, I said 'cool!', but my dad got angry at me and stormed off. I followed him to a bar area where we shouted and swore at each other because he didn't tell me what I did wrong. The last part of my dream involved a girl I had made up and she was my sister.. I don't have one. After storming away from my dad I had ran into her about to go to a concert with my mum. I instantly got upset because I wanted to go. My sister gave my the tickets but that made me more upset because I didn't think my mum wanted to go with me. I can't remember anything further. I find this dream odd because I get on with my brother extremely well, and me and my mum are not on bad terms or anything:/ I could improve the relationship with my dad i guess, what could this mean? thankyou:)
Bars cut off drinkers when they're getting drunk, but casinos allow gambling until you're bankrupt/suicidal? This discussion pertains primarily to slot machines, the elderly, and the notion of winning big on them influenced by addiction and manipulation/coercion. Bare with me here. Casinos are expanding and targeting people especially the elderly. Most people don't think of gambling as an intoxicating drug even though it displays all the warning symptoms. Now they're advertising on television LUCK in the form of inanimate objects, as incentive (wear this red dress to win, etc). Most of us can laugh at the idea of an item, day of the week, etc, showing any more probability to win than not, however to people with gambling addictions this logic is not uncommon to say the least especially if they are elderly and/or have problems with good decision making. As a business owner of a bar or anywhere alcohol is sold you are obligated to cease serving alcohol to anyone who is above the limit and to individuals who are deemed problem drinkers. Why? To keep the person and the people around them safe whether it be on the road or wherever it is. Gambling can be done sober although you still get a "high" from it. There is a strong chemical reaction to winning and the anticipation of winning. They are convinced they will hit it big just the same as a drunk would be convinced that one more drink will not make a difference. Blinded by addiction and while bars cannot legally take advantage of this casinos not only do it but entice you by approaching you, or to come back with "FREE" accommodations and "FREE" chances to win it all back. It's well known alcohol is dangerous in excess. In casinos if you're a problem gambler, upper management will even approach and sway you citing that "Theres been more winners today than since we opened!" "I've seen this machine hit more than the others for some reason!" and similar ploys. It's not hard to sway elderly gambling addicts and they know it. Are bar owners allowed to persuade you to drink more? I suppose it's easier to wait until you have borrowed from everyone, lost your home, savings, everything you and your family worked hard for, and damaged your social relationships into shame. You can't even lease a used car without statements of income, it sure wouldn't be hard for the casinos to do the same and limit your spending to a portion of your income. Truth is, they rely on problem gamblers. More and more people are getting hooked as more casinos develop and advertise. Here's the shocking part. The technology they incorporate would easily allow them to identify, manage, and assist problem gamblers with an addiction that THEY directly enabled. As soon as they walk in facial recognition automatically has them identified but only to keep cheaters out and to target the gamblers with addiction into losing even more. If you ever encounter a family that has been destroyed by gambling or met someone with such severe depression from losing it all frivolously and deceiving everyone around them while doing it that they have given up on life, only then will you understand the nature of this growing problem. Gambling addiction is more easily comparable to hard drug addiction. So why is it that gambling is exciting stimulating and socially acceptable but using these drugs are not? They are different in ways but if you get addicted to either one of them, you're going to be in the same position once they're done with you. Chris PS I don't want to see people saying that you can get addicted to anything unless your anything is a intricately devised system that is designed to take your money and not return it.
Questions to the Gay Community? Dear Gay community, I am a straight man, 24 years of age, married for five years to my best friend (a woman). I grew up in a small town, and though I'd known of homosexuality through the media, I never experienced anyone who was actually gay until college (that I knew of). After my marriage, I bought a house out in a rural area, and again never encountered any gay people. Then after four years, we have moved to a city, to give the 'down town' life a try. We love it, it's fantastic here. However, there is a very open gay community here, and it's quite a culture shock to me. In my old area, having never seen gay people before (that I knew of), I felt that I was very acceptant to gays. As someone whose lifestyle has been attacked in the past and recently (I collect firearms), I have grown very Libertarian- that is, 'Do what you want, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else'. The idea of homosexuality has always fit in there with me. I'm not gay, nor do I smoke pot, but if people want to do those things in the privacy of their own home- have at it. Since moving here though, I feel that my acceptance of the idea of being gay is being challenged. For example, there is a gay bar called "the underground" on our way to a local ice cream place. The bar is set in a basement with fog-glass windows so you cannot see in, but they have a sitting area up on the roof that you can see from the side-walk. My wife and I have walked by this bar three times during a weekend-night since we've been here, and two of the three times, something sexual was occurring in public view. Once, a guy was rubbing a guy's abs while another guy lifted his shirt. The second time, a guy was standing wearing only briefs-underwear, knee-high rainbow socks, while two other men fitted him with rainbow suspenders. These incidents, and several others that have happened to me in these six short weeks have left a bad taste in my mouth, and I've found myself becoming more and more critical of gays. I am having thoughts like "human beings are obviously physically designed (or evolved) to be straight- therefore, they are choosing to be gay", and "something CAUSED this person to be gay. Perhaps they didn't choose it, but they certainly were not born that way." These thoughts make me uncomfortable, and I want to get back to being happily accepting of gays. Therefore, I've formulated a few questions that I'm hoping you all- real individuals with lives, personalities, and passions- can enlighten me on. 1) Why do some men "grow" gay lisps, while others do not? 2) The human body has clearly evolved (or was designed- whatever) to reproduce with a member of the opposite gender. Doesn't this imply that 'being gay' the incorrect choice? 3) When deciding if something is 'okay' or not, I often ask myself, "what would happen if EVERYONE did it?" For example, if everyone cheated on their taxes, the country would go broke. Therefore, _nobody_ should cheat on their taxes. If everyone exercised for 30 minutes per day, we would all live longer, be happier, and look nicer. Therefore, _everyone_ should exercise for 30 minutes per day. See what I mean? Well, what if EVERYONE were gay? The human race would cease to exist after one generation. That cannot be correct, can it? 4) It is generally accepted that certain categories of our lives should take up a relatively fixed amount of our time and focus. For example, being aware of your surroundings is something all people should practice, while spending too much time and focus on this practice almost always results in paranoia. Sex, for example, should take up a fixed amount of time and focus. From my observations, it appears that Gay people focus on sex too much, and perhaps it is this fixation which 'causes' homosexuality. Whether something happened to them to cause this fixation is beside the point- it just seems like it's there. I love sex with my wife, and we do it often. But I by no means define my personality and culture around the idea of being heterosexual (stickers, clothing, accent, etc) . If I did, I think I would be a very annoying and unbalanced person. Is that not correct? 5) What is the difference for a female between being 'gay' and being a 'lesbian'? Pardon my ignorance here, but is it offensive to call a homosexual woman a "gay woman"? Or does 'lesbian' mean something more than 'gay woman'? That's all for now. I really hope you guys can help me understand the gay community better. Davin Righteous Dude- thank you for your thoughts, my friend. That has helped enlighten me a lot. Regarding the Lisp thing: I can see how it would make one appear more submissive, but I don't understand how this relates to femininity. I am a business professional, and I expect those I deal with to be professional as well. Speaking clearly and confidently is part of that, and as a man, I do not find women with slurred speech or submissive lisps to be attractive, for I am not attracted to weakness. And regarding the 'bar' thing- you have a great point. I am not a partyer, but I'm sure I would be ashamed of some heterosexuals if I spent much time in night-clubs. Still, it seems that even the "Pride Fest" that was held down-town, where the road was blocked off, didn't represent gays in a positive light. You are right in that I do not know any gay people. I have one friend who I am positive is closeted, and it breaks my heart to think that he is afraid we will shun him for his *choice*. Noda Banks- I especially value your input as well. Thank you! I'm already feeling more reassured of the gay community. I can't blame some of the members here for their defensive comments- I realize it's a touchy subject, and most gays are, I imagine, used to being attacked. For the future respondents: Please be assured that I am coming to you out of a hope that you'll prove to be great people, not out of hope that you'll confirm my 'worst fears' and give me 'ammunition' or something. Like I said- I WANT to be open to everyone. D Thank you all. Overall, all of your arguments are based on the assumption that being gay is NOT a choice. I am not sure if I am ready to accept that. Of course I didn't choose to be straight- being straight is simply what all mammals in this world are. Everything else is an anomaly, a deformity. Perhaps most types of being gay are out of one's control- such as a hormonal imbalance caused by radiation exposure as a fetus. I realize that saying that a big part of who you are is caused by a fluke of nature may seem derogatory, but I assure you it is not meant as such. I am simply trying to understand this better. As a straight person, I know that I am far from alone in this regard. I didn't choose to be straight in the same way that person with cerebral palsy didn't choose to have that disorder. The difference is that I am healthy, and the cerebral palsy victim is just that: a victim of an affliction. Something happened to him that wasn't supposed to happen, and now he's deformed.
Who is a leading "enigmatologist" (10-letter phrase/name)? 10 points? the world's only academically accredited enigmatologist, __________, born on an Arabian horse farm in Crawfordsville, Indiana (1952). He's the current crossword editor of The New York Times, the puzzle master of NPR's Weekend Edition Sunday, and the author or editor of dozens of books. He sold his first puzzle to a magazine when he was 14 years old, and within a couple years, he was a regular contributor to puzzle publications. In college, he designed his own degree program in enigmatology, which he describes: 'Literally, it's the study of riddles, but at Indiana I defined it as the study of puzzles.' He drew himself up an undergraduate curriculum of classes in English, math, philosophy, journalism, and linguistics, and wrote a thesis on the history of American word puzzles before 1860. He went to law school, thinking he'd work for 10 years and earn a bunch of money so that he could pursue his avocation of puzzlemaking. But after graduating from law school, he skipped out on taking the bar exam and went straight into enigmatology, earning a living by creating puzzles for publications like Penny Press and Games magazines. In 1993, he became the crossword puzzle editor for The New York Times, only the fourth person to hold that position in the newspaper's history. He has made some changes to the Times puzzle page in his 16 years of editorship: The crossword puzzles now have constructor bylines (before the contributors weren't acknowledged), and the puzzles contain more references to contemporary pop culture (stuff like rock and roll and what's on television). Puzzles also now have more tricks and ambiguities, he said. He has also 'increased the slope of difficult further,' as he claims, between the daily puzzles so that Mondays are slightly easier than before he took over -- while Friday and Saturday crosswords are even harder than they used to be. He said that the idea is 'to have something for everyone, both beginners and veterans.' His all-time favorite crossword clue is 'It might turn into a different story,' with the answer 'SPIRALSTAIRCASE.' His favorite crossword puzzle is the one that was printed on Election Day 1996, designed by Jeremiah Farrell. The puzzle had two different correct solutions with the same set of clues. The clue whose answer formed one of the middle rows across read, 'Lead story in tomorrow's newspaper.' The answer seemed to be CLINTON ELECTED, but Jeremiah Farrell had carefully constructed ambiguity in all of the crossing clues, so that the answer to that middle-across clue could also be 'BOB DOLE ELECTED.' Either answer worked perfectly in the puzzle. The first downward crossing clue, for instance, was 'Black Halloween animal.' Either 'bat' or 'cat' would be correct, with the C for the start of CLINTON or the B for the start of BOB DOLE. Will Shortz later said, 'It was the most amazing crossword I've ever seen. As soon as it appeared, my telephone started ringing. Most people said, 'How dare you presume that Clinton will win!' And the people who filled in BOB DOLE thought we'd made a whopper of a mistake!' More than 30 years ago (in 1978), he founded the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament, an event he still directs. __________ and the Tournament were the subjects of a 2006 documentary by Patrick Creadon, called Wordplay. The film also featured a string of prominent puzzle-solvers, like Bill Clinton, Ken Burns, Jon Stewart, and the Indigo Girls. When asked why people are so drawn to puzzles, he once said, 'We're faced with puzzles every day in life. What's the fastest way to run some errands? What's the lowest price we can get on home repair? Most problems we're faced with, we just do the best we can -- we muddle through. We never know if it's the best solution or not. With a human-made puzzle, when you answer the challenge, you know you have a perfect solution. It's satisfying.'
How likely is it that I will make it into NYU Tisch? This is pretty much my dream college. I'm a sophomore at a well known arts school. I major in Communications, and my focuses are on Film and Journalism. I've kept a resume of all of my work ever since elementary school. Here's an idea of what I've done... 1998-2004: Straight A’s K-5 30 hours of community service (cleaning up parks and volunteering at retirement homes) Reading Rainbow Writing Contest: 2nd Place Published book Chorus 4th and 5th grade (performed at Sea World, City Place, Veteran’s Hospital, Publix, and Roger Dean Stadium) Spotlight on Young Musicians (One of three students chosen from Binks Forest Elementary) Safety Patrol Web Design Club Presidential Award for Physical Fitness 2005: Acceptance into Bak Middle School of the Arts Winner of Young Heroes Essay contest Talent in 2005 Bak MSOA 6th Grade Showcase Outstanding in Communications 4.0 GPA first and second semester People To People: Young Student Ambassador in British Columbia and Alberta, Canada for two weeks. 2006: Member of 2006 Communications Showcase Staff Directed and Filmed “Spylvan Learning Center”, “Dirty Little Secret”, and “Earthquake” Directed, managed, advertised, and organized a walkathon for ALS Lou Gehrig’s Disease (Raised 2,000 dollars that were donated to the local ALS chapter and also auctioned off items including an iPod Nano that was donated by Apple) Assistant Editor in Chief of Masterpiece Yearbook Volume IX JEA Mail In Contest: Excellent in Feature Writing for Technology Spread Outstanding in Communications 4.0 GPA first and second semester 2007: JEA Mail In Contest: Excellent in Photography for Communications Spread Editor in Chief of Masterpiece Yearbook Volume X at Bak Middle School of the Arts Producer of 2007 Bak MSOA Communications Showcase Co-Writer of 2007 Bak MSOA Communications Showcase Designed graphics for 2007 Bak MSOA Communications Showcase Advanced Graphics student Outstanding in Communications 3.8571 GPA first and second semester 2008: Acceptance into Dreyfoos School of the Arts Published in The Muse Newsmagazine Photographed in The Wellington Magazine Mic Wrangler in 2008 Dreyfoos Communications Showcase Assistant to Technical Director in 2008 Dreyfoos Communications Showcase Stage Manager in 2008 Dreyfoos Communications Showcase Directed, Produced, and Edited “Subterfuge”, the only freshman film played in showcase as well as the annual Dreyfoos Film Festival Outstanding Achievement in Film and Television Production 30 hours for work with the Laura Brooke Music Foundation (edited a film and taped a benefit concert) 30 department hours for Communications Rank #34 out of 327, 11th percentile 3.8571 and 4.0 GPA first and second semester; 4.5 HPA All Honors Classes for 9th grade Passed the AP Human Geography Course in 9th grade Internship at International Quiksigns (50 Hours) Volunteer at Equestrian Trails Elementary Summer Camp (200 Hours) Produced, Edited, Created Bar Mitzvah video for Brandon Palaccio (5 Hours) Member of the Arts Section Staff for the Marquee, the Dreyfoos Yearbook publication All Honors Classes in 10th grade Took the AP World History Course in 10th grade Film Credentials: Took the Intro to Video Production Course in 6th grade Created a video, “Such Great Heights” Won an award for Excellence in Communications (Film) Took the TV Production Course in 7th grade Director/Camera for the daily announcements show, BAK MSOA Today Took the Video Editing Course in 7th grade Directed, Edited, Produced, Shot videos, including “Shpylvan Learning Center”, “Dirty Little Secret Music Video”, and “Earthquake.” Co-Producer and Co-Director of the 2008 Communications Showcase in 8th grade Created several videos used in the show, including the intro. Took the Research I (Film) Course in 9th grade Directed, Produced, Edited “Subterfuge”, the only Freshman film shown at the Annual Dreyfoos Film Festival as well as the Dreyfoos Communications Showcase Edited a film and taped the benefit concert for the Laura Brooke Music Foundation Produced, Edited, Created several Bar Mitzvah videos for Brandon Palaccio, Nicolas Rabinowitz, etc. And at a glance, here's my High School extracurriculars/serivce hours: 30 department hours for Communications (the required is 10) 20 hours for filming the benefit concert and producing/editing a video for the Laura Brooke Music Foundation 200 hours for volunteering at the Equestrian Trails Summer Camp for grades K-6 all summer. 5 hours for volunteering at Wellington Components, Inc. 24 hours for producing/editing several videos for various events/celebrations Those are my hours so far. Here are my extracurriculars: Showcase, Video Editing (for events/celebrations), Volunteer at Summer Camp, Helping the Laura Brooke Music Foundation. and in the future I will be on the Yearbook staff all three years left of High School. I will be going to the Soup Kitc
I have a stall at a wedding fair - Advice? I've never been to one before, do the stall holders offer discounts for bookings made at the fair? i make chocolate bar wrappers, so i'll be having samples of chocolate on the stall. should i also give some away to take home? do i take a percentage deposit for bookings made? the fair is for between 75 &100 brides, so its not too big - will i need any help? i dont plan on having any as i offer tailor-made designs so would need to speak to the bride directly, but would it be a good idea to have someone to keep other brides interest whilst i am busy? Thanks, i was thinking of offering a 5% discount for booking on the day, and taking a 20% deposit, does that sound reasonalble? I've got 12 example wedding bars, 4 hen night, 2 engagement and 4 gifts for usher/flowergirl etc etc. i was also going to make some invite wrappers, prob 4 diff styles. then i wqas going to put trays of sample squares on show, all the different flavours. i dont have a site, but facebook group 'All Wrapped Up!'. i havent done much to it yet, was hoping to make it much better after the weekend when i can iupload loadsa pics n stuff. ok well ill rope in a friend to help out! thank you for the help - anything else people may want to add will be useful! i was thinking about giving out little bags with a bar and mini flyer in them, do you think ill need to if im doing these samples? i also have an availablitity list (diff sizes & flavours), examples of artwork available, mini flyer ads, and print outs of various styles of bars (embossed/decorated etc) on display
Sims 3 problem, please help.? I bought it a few days ago, i downloaded it fine... the menu screens and everything works smoothly, and designing characters works reasonably smoothly... but when i start playing its REALLY slow and after about 5 minutes (sometimes less) it shuts down, no warning nothing. the first few times this happened, a thing popped up saying something about ighx not responding (no idea :S), and then that stopped popping up instead a little yellow triangle with a exclamation mark in it was in the right hand side of the task bar (with the clock). But now nothing like that happens, no error message or anything that hints there's something wrong... i don't know whats going on or how to fix it, and i really want it play! =(. I don't know what details u'd need about my laptop but here is what i can find: Hp Pavilion dv2000 (GG176PA#ABG) Windows Vista Home Premium Intel(R) Core(TM) duo CPU T2350 @ 1.86GHz 1.87 GHz Memory (RAM): 1.00GB 32-bit Operating System Display adapters: Mobile Intel(R) 945GM Express Chipset Family
Gain muscle-high metabolism? I have high metabolsim and no matter how much I eat, I dont seem to be getting the weight I want.. I am 22 and I weigh around 8stone is this really skinny? coz I feel really skinny, and I want to gain weight, not just to make me look better but feel better, and I wanna be stronger too.... I 've seen websites like skinnygainmuscle.com, the guy says I must eat till I'm bloated and advices you to eat food that are so expensive here (fish etc.) why are healthy foods so expensive!! he charges 109USD for more excercise tips and advice...probably a catch I cant go to the gym, I live on a farm which is 20 min. from town, and I feel shy to go there, plus its a rip off! 25GBP!! and strange, I always do physical work on the farm...even then, sometimes I have to wake up early, eat a crunch bar and banana, as I dont have time to eat a full breakfast, like that website above says I must do...and I dont have much time to rest and do nothing the next day...or my dad will start saying I'm useless :P is there a way I can excercise at home? I'm using weights using those scaffolding posts and tires and an old metal iron used on a car (dunno what it is but its heavy) tied up in a string to do arm and chest excercise like weights...good or bad idea? I do it 30min or 1hr 2 or 3 times a week....depending if I have time and energy...coz I'm sometimes tired after work...and I have difficulty sleeping too...maybe a factor?....I did manage to go from 7.5 to 8 stone in 3 weeks, but then nothing happened, as work came in the way and my eating routines, mom complainng I want food which are too expensive,or i just eat too much..and fill myself till I'm bloated, and cant hardly breath or feeling hot and sick ...and theres always something in the way or stopping me..from people to illness like colds and pain grrr....is there a cheap and effective way to gain muscle? and is there free diy excercise sites designed to help skinny guys gain muscle?
My USB flash drive (Jump Drive) is not working when I plug it into my computer.? My flash drives or more commonly known as jump drives won't work on my computer. Now I'm most certain that it's my computer's problem not my actual Flash Drive. I know this because it works just fine when I plug it into any computer at my school but not at my home computer. I've tried two various flash drives neither work but the computer does recognize them as being there. This is a recent problem and the Flash Drives WERE working just fine. Usually the way it would work is I'd insert the Flash Drive with is a small device that, when plugged into a USB port it acts as a separate drive that can hold information. I'd normally just insert the Flash Drive and then go to Start then My Computer and then I could see my C:/ Drive my D:/ Drive which is my back up drive and finally my E:/ Drive which is my CD/DVD drive. Now whenever my Flash Drive was plugged in I'd normally see a new drive in this section called the F:/ Drive and it'd usually either be called "Lexar" or something else because that was just the brand of Flash Drive it was but now whenever I plug it in the computer recognizes that there's something plugged in but all that happens is that a new little icon appears in what I think is called the "Task Bar" just left to the clock in the bottom left hand corner of the screen. It makes a ping and the new icon is a "Safely Remove Hardware" one. It's not recognizing it anymore and I need help on getting those precious files on that Flash Drive onto my computer and more files on my computer onto that Flash Drive. Please help. I don't have any clue on what I should do and any help at all would be very helpful please please please if you have any idea please leave a comment and as much detail as you can on the subject and I'd like to just know what is happening and how I can fix this. If it does help my computer was recently reformatted but this wasn't a problem until a few weeks after the reformat. I have a Windows XP Compaq Computer. It was designed for XP but Vista Compatible and was bought around the year 2006. It has just under 500 MB's a Ram. Roughly a 200GB hard drive and currently has a Vista Theme installed making it look as if it were Vista Made. (This is only a theme with Skins. It's not actually Vista it's XP only a Vista Look Alike). It has two USB ports in the front and two in the back if this helps in discovering the actual computer Model and such. Well I really hope that someone can help me please feel free to respond and I'd appreciate the help that I can get from any of you. Thanks again. And please be serious.
Which gun should I use as my large house pistol? I live in a really bad neighborhood. I made probably a bad choice. I inherited money from my father when he died, and I used it to buy a house, free and clear. Unfortunately, the amount of money I had only permitted me to buy a small (780 sq ft) house in a bad neighborhood in Los Angeles (Echo Park) and after living here a while, I quickly wised up to how bad it was. You can hear gunshots several times a week. I have a long back yard (the house dates back to when people kept vegetable gardens) and in the very back is a tiny garage/shed for a Model T Ford that won't fit a modern car. It is falling into the ground, and the locals love to investigate it or hang out on my property and smoke and drink there. You always see the police helicopter in the vicinity. To cope with this I made some home improvements: the wall and fence were already there, but now my gate always has a big master lock on it, I have motion sensing floodlights, burglar bars and doors, a large German Shepherd from the pound (unfortunately the dog is a coward and only good for show) and recently, a $400 motion activated camera to find out who is snooping in my back yard. I have given up the idea of using my 20 gauge shotgun for home protection. I am a small man, (five foot four, 118 pounds) and I think something with a long barrel would only be taken away from me. Now, whenever I leave the house after dark to throw out trash, or get something out of my car or whatnot, I slip a small pocket pistol into my jeans. Usually a .25 auto. I don't want anyone to know I am carrying, and a large pistol just makes my pants start fall down. But obvously, I have to have a bigger gun than that if someone breaks in. I currently sleep with a loaded Spanish Star Super Model B in .38 Super under my pillow (basically a 1911 clone), with an extra clip. I keep it loaded with +P 130 grain hollowpoints. The gun is c o c k e d with the safety on. My significant other and I have begun to sleep together in the same bed (it's getting cold) and my other has expressed great anxiety over sleeping with a c o c k e d and loading pistol in the bed. I have a bunch of guns I bought cheap when the Los Angeles Police shut down all the pawn and guns shops in Los Angeles (only one remains in the city limits). Which of these guns, if given a choice, would you think would be the safest to put under your pillow with a round in the chamber: 1) Walther P5 9mm 2) Smith & Wesson Model 39 9mm 3) Smith & Wesson Model 10 Military and Police .38 Special 4) Colt Trooper Mark III .357 Magnum 5) Polish VIS-35 Radom 9mm 6) Walther P1 (Alloy Frame P38 used by postwar Bundswehr). 7) Bugarian Makarov 9 x 18mm. I hesitate to use either of the revolvers. They both reload very slowly, empty very quickly, and the .357 I think would be both deafening and blinding to me inside a house. Right now I am leaning towards the Walther P5 because it was specifically designed to NOT have a safety you need to remove, and it is designed to be safe with a round in the chamber. The only reason I wouldn't use the P5 is that it only has a short three inch barrel, one inch of which is chamber. The only good 9mm's I have are my brother's L.A. County Sheriff's 147 grain hollow points, and I wonder if a basically 2" barrel will have enough velocity to open up the hollow points. In any event, my room mate has stated a total unwillingness to sleep with me in a bed that has a c o c k e d and loaded pistol, even with the safety on. Which gun would you pick? Josh You are aware that burglar bars are simply pieces of metal screwed into wood right? And in my case, screwed into wood that dates back to 1918. You can tear burglar bars right off with a short piece of 2" x 4" or any strong stick. I have already come home once to find my bars bent and my house broken into. I once shared an apartment with four other guys, and I had poor security. I once woke up to a huge guy pinning my arms to the bed and making suggestions about forcible romance. At the time, my .32 Colt Detective Special that my father gave me when he threw me out was in my nightstand and out of reach. I decided then and there I would always sleep with a loaded gun in the bed with me. He is not afraid of a gun in the bed. He is afraid of a C O C K E D and loaded gun in the bed. Josh As I said, I have burglar doors, so I don't know why my doors would be the vulnerable part. Burglar doors are a second door, like window bars that fit in front of the door like a screen door. When they broke into my house, they tore the bars off with a two foot length of 2" x 4" they left in the grass.
which hamster cage for 2 ROBOROVSKI HAMSTERS? hey, recently i got a pair of robos, to go with my 2 syrians, and i thought that i would get them a "proper" cage for my birthday. well, they are in a large plastic box - they are very happy btw. well ventilated aswell. so i thought...a fishtank...or a proper hamster cage. some pics. Hagen LivingWorld Small Pet Home Exercise Dome (THE HAMSTER CAGE) Pros - Very big, similar size to rat cage (my syrians are in one each), looks very nice, not tacky, and comes with accessories, and they can climb the bars. but idunno if they're climbers. maybe more "diggers"... cons - not sure about wooden floors - may have to give layer or two of non toxic clear paint, so they dont pee straight onto the wood and it would be easier to clean. they are not chewers. they are escape artists lol :L so am worried about bars. it says "suitable for adult dwarf hamsters"...well for a start robos are the smallest of hamsters. secondly they are not the first pair of robos im gonna get in my life. and its not as sturdy and good as a rat cage, yet same price!, price is ridiculous. £50. but if its better for the hamsters... and of course, a pic of it... http://www.zooplus.co.uk/shop/rodents/cages/hamster_mouse_cages/hamster_cages/40877#more Fish Tank (the one i'd buy if i got one) pros - very easy to see and take photos of them - considering they're robos and i will not be handling them nearly as much as my syrians, easy to clean, impossible to escape out of. i can pile up woodshavings so they can dig and burrow. they love doing that. saves me getting a "digging tower" (by trixie if u dunno what it is) cons - cannot climb bars - but i dunno if they actually like it, since they've been in a glass tank in pets at home, then bought home and put in a plastic box. hmm... ..... and not as big as the hamster cage. expensive for a fish tank. £33!!! not including the mesh lid which i'll have to buy to keep them in it.... and is heavy. no handles to carry. and more difficult to clean out as is heavy. with the hamster cage the whole like cage lifts up so you just empty the base. oh, some pics - http://www.petsathome.com/shop/aquarium-by-clearseal-(available-in-store-only)-36345 if you go on the size select thing its the second one in the list, i think it says 30x15x12. big enough. and i dont wanna go any bigger because its longer - and i've no room at all for any longer!! So... i'm stuck. i've pros and cons for both!! and yes, i have considered a gerbil cage but bars of gerbil cage way too big for robos and they'd escape. plus gerbil cage even heavier, and i've run out of room lol - 3 cages!!! please dont say "fish tank" becuz its cheaper, or "hamster cage" cus it says the word "hamster" on it therefore its suitable, and a fishtank is not suitable because its not ddesigned for hamsters, its designed for fish, cus thats not true. and give reasons for your answer :) thanks oh - an idea of what the finished fish tank would look like... and its the fish tank i would get if i got a fish tank lol... this. http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290464269242&_trksid=p2759.l1259 cool, huh? and yeah, i'm not gonna get that wooden top. they sell mesh ones too :) ok - i haven't made myself clear enough - i have no rats. lol. i have 2 syrian hamsters, they are in a rat cage EACH lol, they've hardly even met XD the 2 robos arre going in the cage :)
Google Search bar HTML code? Hey guys, I want two things, first i want to explain. I'm making a custom home page. This is what it looks like http://cl.ly/1A1j3W0b2X1H1E353L2Y for the most part I have it looking like I want except since I'm a designer and not a programmer I have no idea how to get the search bar working. Anyone got any ideas? I don't want custom search and instant would be awesome. i would also like for the adress bar to have no text if at all possible and have it automatically selected. If you can help me with this beyond giving me 10 points I will design a homepage for you if you would like! thanks for the help! I'm giving YOU 10 poings whoops typo
What is your opinion of Editorial It Gets Even Worse? If you thought the do-it-yourself anti-immigrant schemes couldn’t get any more repellent, you were wrong. New laws in Georgia, Alabama and South Carolina are following — and in some ways outdoing — Arizona’s attempt to engineer the mass expulsion of the undocumented, no matter the damage to the Constitution, public safety, local economies and immigrant families. The laws vary in their details but share a common strategy: to make it impossible for people without papers to live without fear. They give new powers to local police untrained in immigration law. They force businesses to purge workforces and schools to check students’ immigration status. And they greatly increase the danger of unreasonable searches, false arrests, racial profiling and other abuses, not just against immigrants, but anyone who may look like some officer’s idea of an illegal immigrant. The laws empower local police officers to demand the documents of people they meet, and to detain those they suspect are here illegally. That means they can make warrantless arrests for assumed civil immigration violations, a stunning abuse of power. The laws also make it illegal to give a ride to the undocumented, so a son could land in jail for driving his mother to the supermarket, or a church volunteer for ferrying families to a soup kitchen. They require businesses to check employees against the error-plagued federal E-Verify database, and to fire those who are flagged as unauthorized. Once the purge takes hold in agriculture, there will be no one left to pick onions, peaches and cotton. The immigrant labor shortage is already being felt in Georgia, where crops are rotting and the governor has called for using jobless ex-convicts in the fields. Alabama’s law is the most extreme. It forces public school districts to determine the immigration status of students and their parents and report the data to the state. Alabama still can’t bar them from enrolling, since the Supreme Court declared in Plyler v. Doe that all children are entitled to a public education. The state’s law seems designed to challenge that ruling, as it turns school officials into de facto immigration agents and impels frightened parents to keep their children home. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/04/opinion/04mon1.html
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want. I am Aries, I must say I do resemble some of these remarks. I'm always bumping my head & I can relate to Hard Headed Women by Cat Stevens and I won't bring a knife to a gun fight :) ENJOY!
Im 15.Got bored.Wrote story.Kinda twisted.But overall...what do you think??? "Im f#cking bored as hell Zach...i wish i had some weed damn it...im jonesing for a joint." My brother Ryan says. I'm lisenting to my ipod,like always,so i dont hear him. "HEY DIP SHIT!" screams Ryan. I turn around,put my ipod on pause and say "what the hell's your problem." ryan comes back with...."you didnt hear me cause you got that damn ipod going...i said im bored as hell" I always listen to my ipod and when Ryan is around he hates when i listen to it, because i always have to put it on pause and he has to repeat himself. "Well..what do you want me to do about it," I say. "i dunno...lets go for a walk in the woods or something" He says So i agree....we start walking and i hit the play button on my ipod. "Feona says she's out shopping but she's under me and im not stopping...cause Scotty doesnt know" I was singing to myself in a whisper, while kicking leaves and sticks..then BAM! something hits me in the back of the head and my head phones come out. I'm like "what the f#ck man!" Ryan says "put that damn thing up, im trying to talk to you." Its apparent he had hit me in the back of the head with his hand...but i'll live..it was just a little suprising is all. He keeps walking while im looking for a stick. I find one..not too big not too small..i chunk it and hit him in the leg. He turns around and says "Bitch?" like basicaly saying..you wanna go? He starts walking towards me pretty quick and im like "uh oh" So as he is coming towards me i put up my hands like stay away and i say "i put it up!..its all good?." in a questioning voice He stops walking towards me and says "aight man whatever, lets go up to the creek" Thats how its always been...he will do something stupid or mean to me and i will do it right back...then he chases me and up until here recently we would do it over and over to each other for like an hour, but here lately he will just come at me or attempt an attack back on me,but nothing usually happens. We just keep going like nothing happened. We're pretty much best friends we are exactly 14 months and 4 days apart. He is 16 and i'm 15 right now. Ryan is the hardcore one..You name it. He's done it. You name her. He's done her....(probably) He has been pretty bad the last 2 years. getting sent off to bootcamps and stuff.Getting into fights. Everyone at school is like affraid of him now. They dont really mess with me or him. His grades arent to good and he recently dropped out of highschool, but he is smart, probably smarter then me. Im the one who makes good grades, so most people look at me like im the smarter one,but Ryan is pretty smart. Ryan describes me as preppy and i play baseball so im like a prepish-jock in a way, but my personality isnt really like you would give your normal jock or prep or whatever. I've done my share of "bad " things and im pretty open minded about everything, i listen too all types of music and i get along with everyone. You says...wow lucky...he must have a lot of friends. well yeah i do but its not like that you see i only have like 4 close ones, because when your friends with everyone you cant please the certain "click" or Group" to the fullest. "Yo, snowman..wanna dip" says Addison (Yeah my last name is Snow) but anyways. i tell him "naw man, i dont really like that stuff" He always tries to get me to dip but i always say no. i just dont like it. and he just shakes his head. (idk why but for some reason dipping is a big deal at that school.) Its not that im affraid or anything...i've smoked weed so yeah.I dont care about getting in trouble. Then my stoner friends are like "lets go get fucked up man" I tell them "naw, i gotta go, i have baseball practice tonight." So right there they judge me as a jock or whatever and think im blowing them off. Then my emo friends think because i play baseball and the way i dress and when i tell them not to cut themselves that im not right but "Okay as a friend" but i just dont fall into there design or whatever. I dont have a label. I dont! Sometimes its cool, because i will like hang with alot of different people. I would hang out with an emo kid and a skater boy in 1st pd. then 5pd. i would hang out with this football jock who was like the best football player in our grade. Then at lunch i would sit with Brandon and Cody and a group of girls. Brandon and Cody are like my bestfriends they are 2 of the "close friends" i have. So basically my jock friends think im aight but im a stoner, and my emo friends and skater friends think im cool too...but im just a jock. So pretty much, they dont get to close to me. So it kinda sucks too. Ok so now that im done giving you a little back ground lets get back to the creek. Ryan and I kinda look at the creek with a disappointed look because theres like 6 inches of water in it instead of the usuall 3 or 4 feet. "damn global warming" laughs Ryan. I laugh too. So we step in the creek and just walk through it and follow the stream for a good bit, i'd say about a mile. Ryan is going on and on about this new hot chick that moved across the street from us. he says "man did you see her ass..i'd totally tap that...Whew!" Then all of a sudden he says "Stop!" (the "stop" i've came to know as he heard something or seen something.) and then he takes off running and im like what in the world. Then he like pounces on the ground and hops up and dust himself off and says " i got 'em" and i say "you got what" and he shows it too me...its a little corn snake probably about a foot & 1/2 long. POW!!!!!!! A gun shot.. Ryan and I look at each other like "oh shit" we were on someone elses property, and we were trespassing, so we took off running back towarads the house and we were so busy running that we didnt notice the four wheeler coming our way. We looked up and it was right there i just lowered my shoulder and closed my eyes and i heard a loud bang and then a scuffle. The guy on the four wheeler swerved to miss us and hit a tree and he flew off the four wheeler a good 15 feet from where he hit the tree. Ryan and I in a panic started running home again....then we stopped and looked at each other. like..what do we do? We looked away and thought to our selves for a minute and i looked at Ryan and all he said was "come on" I said " uhh...NO! we cant just leave him there, he saved us by swerving out of the way..so lets go help him" Ryan says "Dude what if he's dead....then we have to report it and we could get in trouble for manslaughter or some shit...and plus we arent even supposed to be on this land" I reply back "yeah but you know if we leave him then it will be on our mind our whole life wondering if he died or what" So after a few minutes of me pursuading Ryan we went and checked up on him. He layed there motionless, so Ryan said "check his pulse" and i said "im not touching him" so Ryan knelt down and checked it...he looked at me then looked down and shook his head and all he said was "nothing". Ryan just kinda fell to his bottom and sat there...speechless...and i slowly set down too. After a good 15 minutes of silence i looked at Ryan and said "what r we gonna do" he said " i dont wanna call the cops cause then we will just get in trouble" "So we're just gonna leave him here!" i say in shaking voice. "i dont know man...shit...give me a minute, im thinking..its not everyday a man dies right there in front of you.. gah" he said and i say "yeah..my bad" and i think to myself...yeah Ryan's right this is an awkward position..and i felt kinda bad. Then Ryan says "We'll call the cops and tell them that we were walking out here in the woods and after hearing a loud crashing noise we walked to where we heard it and found him here" Im thinking...duh..why didnt i think of that...all i say is "ok sounds good to me" "Well what plan do you have!" he said in a deffensive voice. "uhm..i really dont have one...i was just saying ok...sounds good..really im serious." I reply. So we called the cops and told them what "happened." I stayed near the dead guy while Ryan went up to the house to flag them down and he led them back out to me and the dead guy. About four cops and a couple of paramedics came out there with a stretcher..one of those ones where its just like a board, theres no wheels or anything. So the cops ask us all these questions and we anser them all truthfully for the most part..only lieing about how we came across the dead guy,who was identified as Rob Faulkner. They found his liscence in his wallet im guessing. So the cops,paramedics,Bryan and I all walk back to our house and the cops told us "thanks for the call, its very unfortunate that someone died...but ya'll kids did the right thing by calling us" ryan and I kinda looked at each other with a guilty look on our face. Just as the ambulance and cop cars were leaving the drive way our mom was pullin in. As soon as she stepped out of the car she said "what the hell did yall do this time" So we walked inside and we told her the same story we told the cops...afraid if we told the truth she would make us tell the cops the truth. The next day it was on the front page on the Daily News Paper, an article with the Headline: "DEAD MAN FOUND IN WOODS BY TWO TEENAGERS" that read: "Two Local boys, Ryan Snow (16) and Zach Snow(15) (brothers) reportedly came across a dead body in the woods after hearing a loud crashing noise. Which was the mans ATV crashing into a tree.They immediately called the cops and they went out there recovered the body and he was pronounced dead, and he was identified as Robert Faulkner, a 36 year-old man who lived in the area." (read more on page A4) So as you can probably guess. We were mobbed with questions from teachers and students to the point that it was pissing us off. We just told everyone to go away after awhile. We got tired of telling the same story a million times. In a bad way its was kinda cool having our name in the paper and having everyone talking to us at school the next day, but it didnt change the fact that what happened was terrible. Ryan and I vowed to never even mention it again. Right-fully so we didnt talk about it for about 3 or 4 years. Until Ryan Came home with this girl, Ryan was wasted and probably stoned (like most friday nights) and she was a little tipsy but still managable. Ryan went straight to the bed and crashed. She turned to me " i guess we wont be doin it tonight..he's out of it" she said laughingly..kinda stumbling. So i was just sitting there on the internet talking to my friend Courtney like always. We met over the internet but we have hung out a couple of times in the last 5 years.She's pretty freakin awesome.She's like my clone. Well personality wise...not looks wise...she deff. looks like a girl..a very beautiful one at that. Well i told Courtney i had to go take care of this girl and ofcourse she understood. So i made some coffey for the girl and I and the we started talking and we got to talking pretty deep.( I have that effect on people) Well she started telling me how she loves Ryan and how she misses her dad and all this and i was just like "yeah man" to everything she said. Then she started talking about how she hates her life and all this.She was just babbling. Then im like "My name is Zach, We're sitting here talking and we dont even know each others names" and she was like "oh hahaha Hi Zach i'm Emma" We both laughed and then we started talking and then she said "I have to go home" So i said "well you're not driving if your drunk,so i'll take you home" So we got in my car and i drove her home. Which was just around the block. I drove back home and when i got in the driveway i kinda glanced over at the passenger seat and seen something.I picked it up and i realized it was her liscence.So i was just curious and i was looking at it. " 5'9" 128 lbs grn eyes" Her name was Emma Faulkner. I got to thinking and i was saying to myself, "Faulkner,Faulkner,Faulkner...where do i know that name." Then it hit me. The guy from the woods who we had found dead...the guy who swerved and hit the tree...it all came to me. "Holy Shit" i said out loud and i kinda threw her liscence down. Then i remembered her talking about how she misses her dad and then it clicked. Emma Faulkner is Rob Faulkners Daughter! So i went inside the house, and im shaking. I tried to get some sleep but i couldnt, i was just thinking non-stop and wondering if Ryan knew and all this stuff. Well i finally passed out at like 4 in the morning and when i woke up to Ryan hollering "HEY ZACH! WHERE THE HELL IS THE REMOTE" Im like "omg man...idk!." Then it came to me again. and i got out of bed took a piss and looked in the mirror and i was wondering if it was all just a dream or if what happened last night was real. Well i kinda ran to my car and looked franticaly for her liscense then i found it..and sure enough, her last name was Faulkner. So i kinda went in the house. Ryan saying "where the hell is the damn remote" as he was on his knees lifting up the couches cushions. I just stood there and when Ryan stopped looking for the remote. He looked up at me and said "whats wrong with you..you look scared" I said "do you remember last night?" He laughingly said "no not really..i never do haha" Then there was a pause. Then Ryan said "why does it matter...what happened" He was like "oh shit did i bring home another fugly fat chick?...damn tequila can make rosie o'donal look hot" "ohhhhh.....you got laid lastnight didnt you..you fucked the chick i brought home.didnt you!?" He said I just said "no..she was aight.& we didnt do anything..but check this shit man" And i threw him her liscence. And he just looked at it and said "heh, yeah she was pretty hot" and i said "NO! dumbass Look at her name" in a pissed voice He says "Emma" in a mockingly voice. "Yeah and look at her last name man!" "Faulkner" he says in the same mockingly gay voice. Then he looked at me like so what...then after a few seconds the look changed to a questioning look and he said, "no fucking way man....she might be related to that guy in the woods like 3 or 4 years ago." I just sat down and said "yeah..she is..that was her dad man...lastnight she was telling me how her dad died and thats the only reason she moved down here, to help with the family and she couldnt go to school so she dropped out..and she lives like right around the block..i took her home last night." "Damn man" is all Ryan said....shaking his head..."brings back some fucked up memories" " i know it does" is all i said. sitting down on the couch. Well Emma and Ryan kinda had a thing going for about a month....he said he wouldnt even mention it too her, but then it started getting serious. They were going on for 6 months now. "Hey Zach...you think i should tell Emma how her Dad really died...saving our lives" i said "man thats all up too you..but be sensitive about it..you tend to lack at your sensitivity skills...and make sure you tell her why we didnt tell the cops the real story" "pshh ok thanks" Ryan said in a sarcastic voice So after about 2 weeks Ryan finally managed to summon up all his confidence to tell her. "Hey Zach i told Emma....she took it kinda hard but she didnt know why i didnt just tell her at the beginning," Ryan said. "and you told her????" i asked "i told her i was scared and it would make things weird." he said. "so are yall still together or what?" i asked. "i dunno man...she took it HARD!" Well after about a week things started to shape up better Ryan and Emma still went out for another 2 months but they decided to just be friends...they said it was just "to awkward" So life went on. 3 or 4 more years later. Ryan and i both got are Business Management Degrees, and opened an auto-repair business called "SnowBros" I was good with managing money and all that stuff so i did most of the office work, and Ryan helped train some of the mechanics because he was good at that kinda stuff. We both got equal pay though. Our business took off pretty good. We ended up having about 10 businesses state wide. So here we are in are mid twenties. Very succesfull Business men. So we were making good money. So we bought out mom a house and when we were helping her move i stumbled across some paper work. for us..like our birth certificates and all that stuff. Well i was looking through it and mom came in the room and said "NO! put it down" I was like "whats the deal" she said "nothing..just go" "yes ma'am" i said in an adjitated voice. So i seen Ryan and i was like "mom freaked on me b/c i was going through some papers" All Ryan said was "thats mom,haha" I said "no man..she had fear in her eyes..i think there was something important in that box" Then Ryan said "dont even worry about it man" in a shaking voice I looked over at Ryan and he had gone pale. I said "what is it man...whats in that box" in a calm voice. "nothing" he was barely able to say. Then i said "man whats the deal?...you know whats in that box dont you?" He didnt say anything.He just walked away. Leaving me Guessing. I have like no idea what it could be....then i finally came to the point where i was wondering if i was adopted and then i was like.."hey its not to bad...but they shouldnt have hid it from me." So i Finally asked my mom after about a week or so what was the big deal about the box of papers. "mom...why did you freak on me....when i was going through those papers." she said "Ryan didnt tell you" I said "no...but i kinda figured he knew the way he acted." Mom came over to me and grabbed my hand with one of hers and put her other one on my shoulder and we sat down. "Look Zach..i was gonna tell you...when you were about 16...but after what happened i thought theres no way i could tell you." She said. "Zach you and Ryan are half brothers." i said "Ok...so thats not that big of a deal" she said "yes it is....you're father isnt who you think it is..thats Ryans real father not yours. "so who is my real father?" i asked she said " Now Zach....i dont know any other way to tell you but....ok..so Ryans father and I divorced when he was just a few months old...i was sad and depressed...so i was drinking alot and hanging at the bars..one night i went home with a guy..and we...well we did it.." "ok...so u dont really know who my father is" i said. "no no no..i know who he is....Your father is Rob Faulkner." She cried I was speechless. "Ryan found out when Emma told him that she had a little brother but she didnt have a clue who it was...she just remembered her dad saying something about having a little boy,but he lived with his mom" mom said "so he was talking about it with me and i ended up telling him about you" "I figured it would just be best to tell you that Ryans father was your father too..and he accepted you like he was your son with no problems" she said. "Im so sorry son" "Its ok mom" i was crying...but i managed to say it. So life went on and it was all good. But man Life isnt always what it seems. Zach Snow (no i wasnt high when i wrote this...and its only true to the part where it describes me and my brother...and walking to the creek...thats it.....non of the other stuff after the creek is real....its made up..and i dont cuss that much..my brother is the one who cusses..and i only cuss when im around him..im an honor roll student,lol.)
Does my boyfriend have OCPD? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_personality_disorder Here is some info from that website, and my explanation of things... I really think he needs to be diagnosed!!! The DSM-IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines that for a patient to be diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, they must exhibit at least four of the following traits: 1) Preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization, bodily functions, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost 2) Showing perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met) 3)Excessive devotion to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity) 4)Being overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification) 5)Inability to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value 6)Reluctance to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things 7)Adopting a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes 8)Showing rigidity and stubbornness 9)Urge to perfect every little thing It is important to note that while a person may exhibit any or all of the characteristics of a personality disorder, it is not diagnosed as a disorder unless the person has trouble leading a normal life due to these issues. As for my boyfriend, and the things that make me think he has OCPD, numbers coinciding with the numbers above for the traits...... #1 Preoccupation... If you try to change any chain of events that he has scheduled for himself... durring any part of the day, or are going somewhere with him, he will start a fight being pushy about your timing, or be stubborn to changes others want to make in the schedule ,even if it's me staying up an extra 10 minutes to spend time with him! It effects his own personal schedule that he makes for himself down to the minute. He would rather fight for an hour instead of enjoying the extra 10 minutes! As for rules, they have to be his. As for details, he explained to me the way he likes to salt his food at least 3 times, before I had to tell him I don't care how you salt your food, it's your food, I just don't want to hear about it. I've heard it enough! He hates it when he can't seem to poop at the same time every day! He will complain about it to me while he's on the toilet, every time it happens! Well, there are lots of examples for #1, but I don't need to list them all. He just looses the point of any thing! How can we go out to have a good time when he starts bitching at me at half day to get all the things done around the house? Then he decides to complain that I'm not moving, or getting around fast enough when we're about to go out. He rather argue about it, than be patient for me to finish getting around. I've even tried being totally on time, even early with my getting around, and he can't seem to stop himself! I thought the point to going out together was to enjoy eachother, not put eachother in a bad mood from unnecessary complaining! #2 Perfectionism... He won't finish things he doesn't think he can meet his own standards on! Ex... putting away freezer items, organizing cabinets, fixing the waterfall he broke, the IQ test he quit on, tuning his own drums... He has me do those things he can't meet his own standards on because he thinks I can! #3 Excessive devotion to work.... He believes that all things you need to get done around the house need to be done before you can go have fun with friends, or even hang out with your sister! As far as I'm concerned, things around the house will be there tomorrow! Today, if the opportunity presents itself, you should be able to LIVE, and stop the doing, so that you can actually take advantage of this opportunity you have today which won't be there tomorrow! This is particularly a problem when there are several days to finish things around the house, but today, your sister asked you to come over, and have a game night with the kids! Tate thinks I need to come home & finish everything when I have NEVER had a game night with my sister & the kids! He might even be at home doing nothing, but he still thinks you need to be there finishing "your" work around the house! #4 Being overconscientious... He has a tendancy to be overbearing in his own opinions of whether something is right or wrong. What he thinks is right, is usually NOT right, but yet he seems to think so, calls them morals, and values, and tries to force me to HIS way only, even if it's me who is right! He still seems to validate everything to himself even if his reasoning makes no sense at all! Tate is so inflexible that it's painful to me, because it's so unfair of him! You know of all of his double standards! None of it really makes sense at all! #5 Inability to discard.... He shows no visable sign of this at all. #6 Reluctance.... Well, when he delegates tasks to others, he gets specific, and if he does not, he's always angry that you didn't meet his standards, or if you do not bend over backwards to do it his way, he gets angry. Ex... Even though I was supposed to get to design all the landscaping, and it was supposed to be my thing, He couldn't let me just do it. He decided he needed to be in control of what went into the landscaping, how it was planted, and arranged. I thought this was supposed to be mine! I didn't get to plant alot of my favorite things in my own yard because he didn't like them!!!!! BTW, every party that we have had has been a struggle because I used to plan all the parties in my house, but after I moved in with the boyfriend... Every time we are going to have a party, even if I am supposed to be planning it, somehow, he decides he needs to take over the whole thing! He won't let me decide what's for dinner, or what we're going to do durring the party. I planned a Halloween party, and was so upset because he wouldn't let me do it my way! I wanted to cook... he decided we should have it catered. I wanted to decorate the inside & outside of the house... he decided the outside of the house was enough. I decided to serve a punch for the kids... he wanted to serve pop. I wanted to buy a pumpkin for each kid to carve... he said NO! I wanted to get treats for all the kids... he said NO! I wanted to make or buy some cupcakes for the kids... he said NO! This whole project was supposed to be mine, as was my Birthday party, and he seemed to either take over EVERYTHING, or complain, and accuse me of being some kind of liar when he didn't get his way, or I thought I was plain & clear about something(even though I knew with him it was all a catch 22!) and he decided I didn't mean what I said, even though he just wasn't listening, or he wasn't clear himself. It's really rediculous how either he has to do it, or I get rung through the ringer if I do something my way, or the way I said I was going to if it wasn't his way! #7 Money... He doesn't want me to spend any, and thinks I have a spending problem, even though I'm only making sure the house is stocked with groceries! He thinks he can just go buy himself and others tickets to a whole bunch of Sox games, but if I want to buy myself a record player and some vintage vinyl albums, it's not okay! If he's planning the party, there's no spending limit if it's his idea, but for my Birthday party, he wanted to be frugal, and not allow me to do a wine tasting, and spend $200 on wine because he wanted to stock the bar that he hadn't since the Halloween party, even though my guests were coming for a wine tasting party! They weren't drinking hard liquor, and that was going to be $100 to restock! I told him what I was going to get wine wise, and he told me to restock the liquor. I went, bought it all, then he complained at me for spending too much, even though I know he would have spent the same if he went! Like... it's okay for him to do it, but not okay for me to! The same thing happened on the same day with the groceries, and party foods! Then he said that since I spent $600 on my birthday (which was really $200 on groceries, $100 party snacks & food for 2 parties, $100 for hard liquor, and $200 for wine), that when he got his tax return, he was going to spend it all on what ever he wanted, and I couldn't spend a dime of it! That's kind of like him telling me all year that he was bringing in more money to the house, even though he wasn't, plus, he refused to include the monthly child support in my amount! #8 Rigidity and stubborness... Gosh, I could go on forever on this one, but I won't. This applys to everything in our life together. My way is never bent toward, or a consideration. Everything has to be his way, even if it's not the best thing, or right or fair in any way shape or form. #9 Urge to perfect every little thing... Mostly, he wants to perfect me! This perfection, however, is what he, himself has made of it, whether it is normal, or not! Actually, ACPD is different tan OCD. I have read info all over the place, and let me tell you, of all that I've read, including everything else I thought he might have, this is seriously the one if you add in anger management issues. I am actually really easy going & don't have a tendancy to fight unless someone is being unfair. I know the way he is is not normal. I've never met someone with these issues before! I meant OCPD.... typos! He has a false sense that only what he believes to be the truth is the truth, and only as he believes is what is right! It's so frustrating sometimes because he just doesn't understand, or comprehend himself being wrong about anything. He lies to himself about a situation after he manipulates it & then believes his own lies. I bang my head against the wall every day! I can guarantee that if this didn't effect his every day life, and mine, I wouldn't have posted it! This is a long time thing going on. IT is more than just some normal problem, because if it was indeed normal, than what a person would normally do to solve a problem would actually work! NO PROBELMS EVER GET SOLVED!! To everyone else, the answers are simple to see, as they are to me, but a solution cannot ever come if one person is so dillusional that nothing makes sense!!!!! I don't have a problem admitting when I am wrong people! Imagine crying yourself to sleep at night because you can't get through to the person you love! He loves you, but will continue to hurt you, because he just doesn't get that he's not always right! I REALLY HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE THINK THAT A PERSON JUST THINKS THE OTHER PERSON IS SCREWY BECAUSE THEY DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!!!! The problem is that I do! There IS NO OTHER ANSWER here!!!! He's got something wrong!!! I am so ready to take him to a psychologist!
What is your horoscope sign...? Do any of these characteristics apply to you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want. I am a Leo. I love automated opening doors and nothing would give me more pleasure than to have Clappers applaud me when I enter a room. I must admit I am an attention seeking person. ENJOY!
Is anti-Americanism a new phenomenon. Or did the WOT just bring out the haters that were always there? I have read much on the issue and I am convinced that the people who hate America today also hated America 20 years ago. Obviously younger generations will learn their hatred of America from their parents, teachers and the spiteful media. - I posted an interesting article on the subject below. The Falseness of Anti-Americanism Pollsters report rising anti-Americanism worldwide. The United States, they imply, squandered global sympathy after the September 11 terrorist attacks through its arrogant unilateralism. In truth, there was never any sympathy to squander. Anti-Americanism was already entrenched in the world's psyche—a backlash against a nation that comes bearing modernism to those who want it but who also fear and despise it. By Fouad Ajami Want to Know More? Suggested Readings “America is everywhere," Italian novelist Ignazio Silone once observed. It is in Karachi and Paris, in Jakarta and Brussels. An idea of it, a fantasy of it, hovers over distant lands. And everywhere there is also an obligatory anti-Americanism, a cover and an apology for the spell the United States casts over distant peoples and places. In the burning grounds of the Muslim world and on its periphery, U.S. embassies and their fate in recent years bear witness to a duality of the United States as Satan and redeemer. The embassies targeted by the masters of terror and by the diehards are besieged by visa-seekers dreaming of the golden, seductive country. If only the crowd in Tehran offering its tired rhythmic chant "marg bar amrika" ("death to America") really meant it! It is of visas and green cards and houses with lawns and of the glamorous world of Los Angeles, far away from the mullahs and their cultural tyranny, that the crowd really dreams. The frenzy with which radical Islamists battle against deportation orders from U.S. soil— dreading the prospect of returning to Amman and Beirut and Cairo— reveals the lie of anti-Americanism that blows through Muslim lands. The world rails against the United States, yet embraces its protection, its gossip, and its hipness. Tune into a talk show on the stridently anti-American satellite channel Al-Jazeera, and you'll behold a parody of American ways and techniques unfolding on the television screen. That reporter in the flak jacket, irreverent and cool against the Kabul or Baghdad background, borrows a form perfected in the country whose sins and follies that reporter has come to chronicle. In Doha, Qatar, Sheik Yusuf al-Qaradawi, arguably Sunni Islam's most influential cleric, at Omar ibn al-Khattab Mosque, a short distance away from the headquarters of the U.S. Central Command, delivers a khutba, a Friday sermon. The date is June 13, 2003. The cleric's big theme of the day is the arrogance of the United States and the cruelty of the war it unleashed on Iraq. This cleric, Egyptian born, political to his fingertips, and in full mastery of his craft and of the sensibility of his followers, is particularly agitated in his sermon. Surgery and a period of recovery have kept him away from his pulpit for three months, during which time there has been a big war in the Arab world that toppled Saddam Hussein's regime in Iraq with stunning speed and effectiveness. The United States was "acting like a god on earth," al-Qaradawi told the faithful. In Iraq, the United States had appointed itself judge and jury. The invading power may have used the language of liberation and enlightenment, but this invasion of Iraq was a 21st-century version of what had befallen Baghdad in the middle years of the 13th century, in 1258 to be exact, when Baghdad, the city of learning and culture, was sacked by the Mongols. The preacher had his themes, but a great deal of the United States had gone into the preacher's art: Consider his Web site, Qaradawi.net, where the faithful can click and read his fatwas (religious edicts)— the Arabic interwoven with html text— about all matters of modern life, from living in non-Islamic lands to the permissibility of buying houses on mortgage to the follies of Arab rulers who have surrendered to U.S. power. Or what about his way with television? He is a star of the medium, and Al-Jazeera carried an immensely popular program of his. That art form owes a debt, no doubt, to the American "televangelists," as nothing in the sheik's traditional education at Al Azhar University in Cairo prepared him for this wired, portable religion. And then there are the preacher's children: One of his daughters had made her way to the University of Texas where she received a master's degree in biology, a son had earned a Ph.D. from the University of Central Florida in Orlando, and yet another son had embarked on that quintessential American degree, an MBA at the American University in Cairo. Al-Qaradawi embodies anti-Americanism as the flip side of Americanization. A NEW ORTHODOXY Of late, pollsters have come bearing news and numbers of anti-Americanism the world over. The reports are one dimensional and filled with panic. This past June, the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press published a survey of public opinion in 20 countries and the Palestinian territories that indicated a growing animus toward the United States. In the same month, the BBC came forth with a similar survey that included 10 countries and the United States. On the surface of it, anti-Americanism is a river overflowing its banks. In Indonesia, the United States is deemed more dangerous than al Qaeda. In Jordan, Russia, South Korea, and Brazil, the United States is thought to be more dangerous than Iran, the "rogue state" of the mullahs. There is no need to go so far away from home only to count the cats in Zanzibar. These responses to the United States are neither surprising nor profound. The pollsters, and those who have been brandishing their findings, see in these results some verdict on the United States itself— and on the performance abroad of the Bush presidency— but the findings could be read as a crude, admittedly limited, measure of the foul temper in some unsettled places. The pollsters have flaunted spreadsheets to legitimize a popular legend: It is not Americans that people abroad hate, but the United States! Yet it was Americans who fell to terrorism on September 11, 2001, and it is of Americans and their deeds, and the kind of social and political order they maintain, that sordid tales are told in Karachi and Athens and Cairo and Paris. You can't profess kindness toward Americans while attributing the darkest of motives to their homeland. The Pew pollsters ignored Greece, where hatred of the United States is now a defining feature of political life. The United States offended Greece by rescuing Bosnians and Kosovars. Then, the same Greeks who hailed the Serbian conquest of Srebrenica in 1995 and the mass slaughter of the Muslims there were quick to summon up outrage over the U.S. military campaign in Iraq. In one Greek public opinion survey, Americans were ranked among Albanians, Gypsies, and Turks as the most despised peoples. Takis Michas, a courageous Greek writer with an eye for his country's temperament, traces this new anti-Americanism to the Orthodox Church itself. A narrative of virtuous and embattled solitude and alienation from Western Christendom has always been integral to the Greek psyche; a fusion of church and nation is natural to the Greek worldview. In the 1990s, the Yugoslav wars gave this sentiment a free run. The church sanctioned and fed the belief that the United States was Satan, bent on destroying the "True Faith," Michas explains, and shoring up Turkey and the Muslims in the Balkans. A neo-Orthodox ideology took hold, slicing through faith and simplifying history. Where the Balkan churches— be they the Bulgars or the Serbs— had been formed in rebellion against the hegemony of the Greek priesthood, the new history made a fetish of the fidelity of Greece to its Orthodox "brethren." Greek paramilitary units fought alongside Bosnian Serbs as part of the Drina Corps under the command of indicted war criminal Gen. Ratko Mladic. The Greek flag was hoisted over the ruins of Srebenica's Orthodox church when the doomed city fell. Serbian war crimes elicited no sense of outrage in Greece; quite to the contrary, sympathy for Serbia and the identification with its war aims and methods were limitless. Beyond the Yugoslav wars, the neo-Orthodox worldview sanctified the ethnonationalism of Greece, spinning a narrative of Hellenic persecution at the hands of the United States as the standard-bearer of the West. Greece is part of NATO and of the European Union (EU), but an old schism— that of Eastern Orthodoxy's claim against the Latin world— has greater power and a deeper resonance. In the banal narrative of Greek anti-Americanism, this animosity emerges from U.S. support for the junta that reigned over the country from 1967 to 1974. This deeper fury enables the aggrieved to glide over the role the United States played in the defense and rehabilitation of Greece after World War II. Furthermore, it enables them to overlook the lifeline that migration offered to untold numbers of Greeks who are among the United States' most prosperous communities. Greece loves the idea of its "Westernness"— a place and a culture where the West ends, and some other alien world (Islam) begins. But the political culture of religious nationalism has isolated Greece from the wider currents of Western liberalism. What little modern veneer is used to dress up Greece's anti-Americanism is a pretense. The malady here is, paradoxically, a Greek variant of what plays out in the world of Islam: a belligerent political culture sharpening faith as a political weapon, an abdication of political responsibility for one's own world, and a search for foreign "devils." Lest they be trumped by their hated Greek rivals, the Turks now give voice to the same anti-Americanism. It is a peculiar sentiment among the Turks, given their pragmatism. They are not prone to the cluster of grievances that empower anti-Americanism in France or among the intelligentsia of the developing world. In the 1920s, Mustafa Kemal Ataturk gave Turkey a dream of modernity and self-help by pointing his country westward, distancing it from the Arab-Muslim lands to its south and east. But the secular, modernist dream in Turkey has fractured, and oddly, anti-Americanism blows through the cracks from the Arab lands and from Brussels and Berlin. The fury of the Turkish protests against the United States in the months prior to the war in Iraq exhibited a pathology all its own. It was, at times, nature imitating art: The protesters in the streets burned American flags in the apparent hope that Europeans (real Europeans, that is) would finally take Turkey and the Turks into the fold. The U.S. presence had been benign in Turkish lands, and Americans had been Turkey's staunchest advocates for coveted membership in the EU. But suddenly this relationship that served Turkey so well was no longer good enough. As the "soft" Islamists (there is no such thing, we ought to understand by now) revolted against Pax Americana, the secularists averted their gaze and let stand this new anti-Americanism. The pollsters calling on the Turks found a people in distress, their economy on the ropes, and their polity in an unfamiliar world beyond the simple certainties of Kemalism, yet without new political tools and compass. No dosage of anti-Americanism, the Turks will soon realize, will take Turkey past the gatekeepers of Europe. WE WERE ALL AMERICANS The introduction of the Pew report sets the tone for the entire study. The war in Iraq, it argues,"has widened the rift between Americans and Western Europeans" and "further inflamed the Muslim world." The implications are clear: The United States was better off before Bush's "unilateralism." The United States, in its hubris, summoned up this anti-Americanism. Those are the political usages of this new survey. But these sentiments have long prevailed in Jordan, Egypt, and France. During the 1990s, no one said good things about the United States in Egypt. It was then that the Islamist children of Egypt took to the road, to Hamburg and Kandahar, to hatch a horrific conspiracy against the United States. And it was in the 1990s, during the fabled stock market run, when the prophets of globalization preached the triumph of the U.S. economic model over the protected versions of the market in places such as France, when anti-Americanism became the uncontested ideology of French public life. Americans were barbarous, a threat to French cuisine and their beloved language. U.S. pension funds were acquiring their assets and Wall Street speculators were raiding their savings. The United States incarcerated far too many people and executed too many criminals. All these views thrived during a decade when Americans are now told they were loved and uncontested on foreign shores. Much has been made of the sympathy that the French expressed for the United States immediately after the September 11 attacks, as embodied by the famous editorial of Le Monde's publisher Jean-Marie Colombani, "Nous Sommes Tous Américains" ("We are all Americans"). And much has been made of the speed with which the United States presumably squandered that sympathy in the months that followed. But even Colombani's column, written on so searing a day, was not the unalloyed message of sympathy suggested by the title. Even on that very day, Colombani wrote of the United States reaping the whirlwind of its "cynicism"; he recycled the hackneyed charge that Osama bin Laden had been created and nurtured by U.S. intelligence agencies. Colombani quickly retracted what little sympathy he had expressed when, in December of 2001, he was back with an open letter to "our American friends" and soon thereafter with a short book, Tous Américains? le monde après le 11 septembre 2001 (All Americans? The World After September 11, 2001). By now the sympathy had drained, and the tone was one of belligerent judgment and disapproval. There was nothing to admire in Colombani's United States, which had run roughshod in the world and had been indifferent to the rule of law. Colombani described the U.S. republic as a fundamentalist Christian enterprise, its magistrates too deeply attached to the death penalty, its police cruel to its black population. A republic of this sort could not in good conscience undertake a campaign against Islamism. One can't, Colombani writes, battle the Taliban while trying to introduce prayers in one's own schools; one can't strive to reform Saudi Arabia while refusing to teach Darwinism in the schools of the Bible Belt; and one can't denounce the demands of the sharia (Islamic law) while refusing to outlaw the death penalty. Doubtless, he adds, the United States can't do battle with the Taliban before doing battle against the bigotry that ravages the depths of the United States itself. The United States had not squandered Colombani's sympathy; he never had that sympathy in the first place. Colombani was hardly alone in the French intellectual class in his enmity toward the United States. On November 3, 2001, in Le Monde, the writer and pundit Jean Baudrillard permitted himself a thought of stunning cynicism. He saw the perpetrators of September 11 acting out his own dreams and the dreams of others like him. He gave those attacks a sort of universal warrant: "How we have dreamt of this event," he wrote, "how all the world without exception dreamt of this event, for no one can avoid dreaming of the destruction of a power that has become hegemonic . . . . It is they who acted, but we who wanted the deed." Casting caution and false sympathy aside, Baudrillard saw the terrible attacks on the United States as an "object of desire." The terrorists had been able to draw on a "deep complicity," knowing perfectly well that they were acting out the hidden yearnings of others oppressed by the United States' order and power. To him, morality of the U.S. variety is a sham, and the terrorism directed against it is a legitimate response to the inequities of "globalization." In his country's intellectual landscape, Baudrillard was no loner. A struggle had raged throughout the 1990s, pitting U.S.-led globalization (with its low government expenditures, a "cheap" and merciless Wall Street-Treasury Department axis keen on greater discipline in the market, and relatively long working hours on the part of labor) against France's protectionist political economy. The primacy the United States assigned to liberty waged a pitched battle against the French commitment to equity. To maintain France's sympathy, and that of Le Monde, the United States would have had to turn the other cheek to the murderers of al Qaeda, spare the Taliban, and engage the Muslim world in some high civilizational dialogue. But who needs high approval ratings in Marseille? Envy of U.S. power, and of the United States' universalism, is the ruling passion of French intellectual life. It is not "mostly Bush" that turned France against the United States. The former Socialist foreign minister, Hubert Védrine, was given to the same anti-Americanism that moves his successor, the bombastic and vain Dominique de Villepin. It was Védrine, it should be recalled, who in the late 1990s had dubbed the United States a "hyperpower." He had done so before the war on terrorism, before the war on Iraq. He had done it against the background of an international order more concerned with economics and markets than with military power. In contrast to his successor, Védrine at least had the honesty to acknowledge that there was nothing unusual about the way the United States wielded its power abroad, or about France's response to that primacy. France, too, he observed, might have been equally overbearing if it possessed the United States' weight and assets. His successor gave France's resentment highly moral claims. Villepin appeared evasive, at one point, on whether he wished to see a U.S. or an Iraqi victory in the standoff between Saddam Hussein's regime and the United States. Anti-Americanism indulges France's fantasy of past greatness and splendor and gives France's unwanted Muslim children a claim on the political life of a country that knows not what to do with them. THE BURDEN OF MODERNITY To come bearing modernism to those who want it but who rail against it at the same time, to represent and embody so much of what the world yearns for and fears— that is the American burden. The United States lends itself to contradictory interpretations. To the Europeans, and to the French in particular, who are enamored of their laïcisme (secularism), the United States is unduly religious, almost embarrassingly so, its culture suffused with sacred symbolism. In the Islamic world, the burden is precisely the opposite: There, the United States scandalizes the devout, its message represents nothing short of an affront to the pious and a temptation to the gullible and the impressionable young. According to the June BBC survey, 78 percent of French polled identified the United States as a "religious" country, while only 10 percent of Jordanians endowed it with that label. Religious to the secularists, faithless to the devout— such is the way the United States is seen in foreign lands. So many populations have the United States under their skin. Their rage is oddly derived from that very same attraction. Consider the Saudi realm, a place where anti-Americanism is fierce. The United States helped invent the modern Saudi world. The Arabian American Oil Company— for all practical purposes a state within a state— pulled the desert enclave out of its insularity, gave it skills, and ushered it into the 20th century. Deep inside the anti-Americanism of today's Saudi Arabia, an observer can easily discern the dependence of the Saudi elite on their U.S. connection. It is in the image of the United States' suburbs and urban sprawl that Saudi cities are designed. It is on the campuses of Harvard, Princeton, and Stanford that the ruling elite are formed and educated. After September 11, 2001, the Saudi elite panicked that their ties to the United States might be shattered and that their world would be consigned to what they have at home. Fragments of the United States have been eagerly embraced by an influential segment of Saudi society. For many, the United States was what they encountered when they were free from home and family and age-old prohibitions. Today, an outing in Riyadh is less a journey to the desert than to the mall and to Starbucks. An academic in Riyadh, in the midst of an anti-American tirade about all policies American, was keen to let me know that his young son, born in the United States, had suddenly declared he no longer wanted to patronize McDonald's because of the United States' support of Israel. The message was plaintive and unpersuasive; the resolve behind that "boycott" was sure to crack. A culture that casts so long a shadow is fated to be emulated and resented at the same time. The United States is destined to be in the politics— and imagination— of strangers even when the country (accurately) believes it is not implicated in the affairs of other lands. In a hauntingly astute set of remarks made to the New Yorker in the days that followed the terrorism of September 11, the Egyptian playwright Ali Salem— a free spirit at odds with the intellectual class in his country and a maverick who journeyed to Israel and wrote of his time there and of his acceptance of that country— went to the heart of the anti-American phenomenon. He was thinking of his own country's reaction to the United States, no doubt, but what he says clearly goes beyond Egypt: People say that Americans are arrogant, but it's not true. Americans enjoy life and they are proud of their lives, and they are boastful of their wonderful inventions that have made life so much easier and more convenient. It's very difficult to understand the machinery of hatred, because you wind up resorting to logic, but trying to understand this with logic is like measuring distance in kilograms….These are people who are envious. To them, life is an unbearable burden. Modernism is the only way out. But modernism is frightening. It means we have to compete. It means we can't explain everything away with conspiracy theories. Bernard Shaw said it best, you know. In the preface to 'St. Joan,' he said Joan of Arc was burned not for any reason except that she was talented. Talent gives rise to jealousy in the hearts of the untalented. This kind of envy cannot be attenuated. Jordanians, for instance, cannot be talked out of their anti-Americanism. In the BBC survey, 71 percent of Jordanians thought the United States was more dangerous to the world than al Qaeda. But Jordan has been the rare political and economic recipient of a U.S. free trade agreement, a privilege the United States shares only with a handful of nations. A new monarch, King Abdullah II, came to power, and the free trade agreement was an investment that Pax Americana made in his reign and in the moderation of his regime. But this bargain with the Hashemite dynasty has not swayed the intellectual class, nor has it made headway among the Jordanian masses. On Iraq and on matters Palestinian, for more than a generation now, Jordanians have not had a kind thing to say about the United States. In the scheme of Jordan's neighborhood, the realm is benign and forgiving, but the political life is restrictive and tight. When talking about the United States, Jordanians have often been talking to their rulers, expressing their dissatisfaction with the quality of the country's public life and economic performance. A pollster venturing to Jordan must understand the country's temper, hemmed in by poverty and overshadowed by more resourceful powers all around it: Iraq to the east, Israel to the west, and Syria and Saudi Arabia over the horizon. A sense of disinheritance has always hung over Jordan. The trinity of God, country, and king puts much of the political life of the land beyond scrutiny and discussion. The anti-Americanism emanates from, and merges with, this political condition. With modernism come the Jews. They have been its bearers and beneficiaries, and they have paid dearly for it. They have been taxed with cosmopolitanism: The historian Isaac Deutscher had it right when he said that other people have roots, but the Jews have legs. Today the Jews have a singular role in U.S. public life and culture, and anti-Americanism is tethered to anti-Semitism. In the Islamic world, and in some European circles as well, U.S. power is seen as the handmaiden of Jewish influence. Witness, for instance, the London-based Arab media's obsession with the presumed ascendancy of the neoconservatives— such as former chairman of the Defense Policy Board Richard Perle and Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz— in the making of U.S. foreign policy. The neocons had been there for the rescue of the (Muslim) Bosnians and Kosovars, but the reactionaries in Muslim lands had not taken notice of that. Left to itself, the United States would be fair-minded, this Arab commentary maintains, and it would arrive at a balanced approach to the Arab-Islamic world. This narrative is nothing less than a modernized version of the worldview of that infamous forgery, The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion. But it is put forth by men and women who insist on their oneness with the modern world. A century ago, in a short-story called "Youth," the great British author Joseph Conrad captured in his incomparable way the disturbance that is heard when a modern world pushes against older cultures and disturbs their peace. In the telling, Marlowe, Conrad's literary double and voice, speaks of the frenzy of coming upon and disturbing the East. "And then, before I could open my lips, the East spoke to me, but it was in a Western voice. A torrent of words was poured into the enigmatical, the fateful silence; outlandish, angry words mixed with words and even whole sentences of good English, less strange but even more surprising. The voice swore and cursed violently; it riddled the solemn peace of the bay by a volley of abuse. It began by calling me Pig . . . ." Today, the United States carries the disturbance of the modern to older places— to the east and to the intermediate zones in Europe. There is energy in the United States, and there is force. And there is resistance and resentment— and emulation— in older places affixed on the delicate balancing act of a younger United States not yet content to make its peace with traditional pains and limitations and tyrannies. That sensitive French interpreter of his country, Dominique Moïsi, recently told of a simple countryman of his who was wistful when Saddam Hussein's statue fell on April 9 in Baghdad's Firdos Square. France opposed this war, but this Frenchman expressed a sense of diminishment that his country had sat out this stirring story of political liberation. A society like France with a revolutionary history should have had a hand in toppling the tyranny in Baghdad, but it didn't. Instead, a cable attached to a U.S. tank had pulled down the statue, to the delirium of the crowd. The new history being made was a distinctly American (and British) creation. It was soldiers from Burlington, Vermont, and Linden, New Jersey, and Bon Aqua, Tennessee— I single out those towns because they are the hometowns of three soldiers who were killed in the Iraq war— who raced through the desert making this new history and paying for it. The United States need not worry about hearts and minds in foreign lands. If Germans wish to use anti-Americanism to absolve themselves and their parents of the great crimes of World War II, they will do it regardless of what the United States says and does. If Muslims truly believe that their long winter of decline is the fault of the United States, no campaign of public diplomacy shall deliver them from that incoherence. In the age of Pax Americana, it is written, fated, or maktoob (as the Arabs would say) that the plotters and preachers shall rail against the United States— in whole sentences of good American slang. Fouad Ajami is the Majid Khadduri professor at Johns Hopkins University's School of Advanced International Studies and a contributing editor at U.S. News & World Report. http://www.travelbrochuregraphics.com/extra/the_falseness_of_antiamericanism.htm
i have a little bit of problem with some coding? i have been coding with html and css i have them both in different documents and i was using imgmapping to do the buttons on the header and then i did that and put the code into the html document but that made 2 header bars o i deleated the img from the css document and it works ok i was doing the same for the left nav but it shows the left nav in the middle for some reason and i dont no y...here are my codes, html and css html <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> <html> <head> <DIV ALIGN=CENTER> <MAP NAME="header"> <AREA HREF="home.html" ALT="HOME" TITLE="HOME" SHAPE=RECT COORDS="24,97,167,130"> <AREA HREF="games.html" ALT="GAMES" TITLE="GAMES" SHAPE=rect COORDS="170,97,294,130"> <AREA HREF="videos.html" ALT="VIDEOS" TITLE="VIDEOS" SHAPE=rect COORDS="296,97,451,129"> <AREA HREF="contact.html" ALT="CONTACT" TITLE="CONTACT" SHAPE=rect COORDS="453,98,619,129"> <AREA HREF="ideas.html" ALT="IDEAS" TITLE="IDEAS" SHAPE=rect COORDS="621,97,783,130"> <AREA HREF="donate.html" ALT="DONATE" TITLE="DONATE" SHAPE=rect COORDS="785,97,979,130"> </MAP> <IMG SRC="images/Header.png" ALT="map of GH site" BORDER=0 WIDTH=1000 HEIGHT=150 USEMAP="#header"><BR> <A HREF="home.html" ALT="HOME"></A> <A HREF="games.html" ALT="GAMES"></A> <A HREF="videos.html" ALT="VIDEOS"></A> <A HREF="contact.html" ALT="COTACT"></A> <A HREF="ideas.html" ALT="IDEAS"></A> <A HREF="donate.html" ALT="DONATE"></A> </DIV> <DIV ALIGN=CENTER> <MAP NAME="leftnav"> <AREA HREF="favorites.html" ALT="FAVORITES" TITLE="FAVORITES" SHAPE=RECT COORDS="1,29,138,74"> <AREA HREF="chat.html" ALT="CHAT" TITLE="CHAT" SHAPE=rect COORDS="1,79,138,124"> <AREA HREF="users.html" ALT="USERS" TITLE="USERS" SHAPE=rect COORDS="1,127,138,173"> <AREA HREF="messages.html" ALT="MESSAGES" TITLE="MESSAGES" SHAPE=rect COORDS="1,176,137,221"> <AREA HREF="high-scores.html" ALT="HIG-SCORES" TITLE="HIGH-SCORE" SHAPE=rect COORDS="0,225,136,269"> <AREA HREF="vote.html" ALT="VOTE" TITLE="VOTE" SHAPE=rect COORDS="0,274,138,320"> <AREA HREF="logout.html" ALT="LOGOUT" TITLE="LOGOUT" SHAPE=rect COORDS="1,323,139,370"> </MAP> <IMG SRC="images/leftnav.png" ALT="map of GH site" BORDER=0 WIDTH=140 HEIGHT=400 USEMAP="#leftnav"><BR> <A HREF="favorites.html" ALT="FAVORITES"></A> <A HREF="chat.html" ALT="CHAT"></A> <A HREF="users.html" ALT="USERS"></A> <A HREF="messages.html" ALT="MESSAGES"></A> <A HREF="high-scores.html" ALT="HIGH-SCORES"></A> <A HREF="vote.html" ALT="VOTE"></A> <A HREF="logout.html" ALT="LOGOUT"></A> </DIV> <title>Jamies Games</title> <link href="layout.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"> </head> <body> <div id="container"></div> <div id="leftnav"></div> <div id="body"><h1> news!!!</h1><p> the site is still in the proses of beeing coded and designed, please check back later for changes and updates</p></div> <div id="footer">© 2009-2011 Coded and Designed by Jamie Steadman</div> </div> </body> </html> style sheet @charset "utf-8"; /* CSS Document */ #container { width: 1000px; } #header { width: 1000px; height: 150px; border-bottom: 0px solid #000000; } #leftnav { float: left; width: 140px; height: 400px; border-right: 0px solid #FF0000; } #body { width: 860px; } #footer { clear: both; background-image:url(images/footer.png); } please can you telle me what i am doing wrong thx
the kamal karna roy strategy to close gap of right viz leadership viz u s president 08 elite vs. have_nots ? Hello LISANROY Change Preferences | Sign Out Sign In | Register Now Print Edition | Subscribe NewsNation Investigations Education Photos & Video World Technology KidsPost Discussions Metro Entertainment Religion Corrections Business Health Post Magazine Archives PoliticsPolitics Blogs House/Senate Votes White House Congress 2008 Campaign In Depth Polls In the Loop DC | MD | VA OpinionsOpinions Home Toles Cartoons On Faith Blogs Telnaes Animations PostGlobal Feedback Outlook Discussion Groups LocalMetro News Weather Local Explorer Jobs Education Traffic Community Guides Cars DC | MD | VACrime The Extras Real Estate Columns/Blogs Obituaries Local Business Yellow Pages SportsRedskins D.C. United Columns/Blogs NFL Nationals Capitals College Basketball NHL Wizards High Schools Local Colleges NBA Arts & LivingStyle Movies Travel Fashion & Beauty Horoscopes Smart Living Television Books Home & Garden Comics Entertainment News Food & Dining Museums Theater & Dance Crosswords City GuideFind Restaurants Find Local Events Find Movies Visitors Guide Find Bars & Clubs Going Out Gurus JobsSearch JobsCarsBuy a Car Sell a Car Experts & Advice Dealer Specials Coupons Real EstateBuy a Home Sell a Home Property Values RentalsFind a Rental Rent Your Place ShoppingShop New Deals & Discounts Shopper Blog Shop Used Sell Your Stuff Pets SEARCH: washingtonpost.com Web | Search Archives washingtonpost.com > ColumnsYour Comments On... How Not to Run for Vice President Minnesota's Republican governor, Tim Pawlenty, carefully prepared his plan for controlling greenhouse gas emissions to present it at the annual winter meeting of governors in Washington. That effort coincided with Pawlenty's fast-rising prospects to become Sen. John McCain's choice for vice presi... - By Robert D. Novak CommentsLISANROY wrote: Gandelman Bio | The Moderate Voice James Joyner Bio | Outside the Beltway Brian Leubitz Bio | Calitics Jeralyn Merritt Bio | TalkLeft Ed Morrissey Bio | Captain's Quarters David Oatney Bio | The World According to Oatney Oliver Willis Bio | OliverWillis.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Checkpoint Baghdad Countdown to Beijing Level Up I, Breeder The Gold Digger Lab Notes The All-Starr Blog Soldier's Home Stumper Why it Matters -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LinksThe Caucus The Fix OnPolitics Hotline Blog Campaign Junkie First Read Pollster Tech President PrezVid Wonkette Marc Ambinder Ben Smith Jonathan Martin The Politico: Playbook The Stump The Plank Paul Krugman Ezra Klein Kevin Drum Atrios Daily Kos Huffington Post Talking Points Memo The Corner Redstate Instapundit Captain's Quarters Michelle Malkin Hugh Hewitt Powerline N.H. Presidential Watch Radio Iowa Featured PostingsCaptain's Quarters: Obama's Sotto Voce To Canadians: I'm Demagoguing On NAFTA 6:32 AM, February 28, 2008 | Comments (0) Barack Obama has joined Hillary Clinton in trashing one of her husband's major economic and diplomatic achievements on the stump. He has told Americans that he rejects NAFTA, the program that created a free-trade zone out of North America, hoping to ride... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Talk Left: A Skeptical Progressive Examines Obama's Record, Concludes " Count Me Out" 2:40 AM, February 28, 2008 | Comments (2) Crooks and Liars: Dick Gregory apologizes to the first Black President 6:50 PM, February 27, 2008 | Comments (0)ArchivesSee All from FebruaryPreviousFebruary 2008NextSun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 About The Media Bloggers Association The Media Bloggers Association is a nonpartisan organization dedicated to promoting, protecting and educating its members; supporting the development of "blogging" or "citizen journalism" as a distinct form of media; and helping to extend the power of the press, with all the rights and responsibilities that entails, to every citizen. MBA Members support the freewheeling expression of ideas and strong personal opinions inherent to blogging but are equally committed to commonly accepted journalistic standards of fairness, accuracy, transparency and accountability in expressing those ideas and opinions. Read more about the MBA here. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LATEST NEWSWEEK BLOG POSTS One Shiite Muslim’s Journey Starr Gazing: Let the Games Be Games The Latest Military Survey Obama's Logo Gets Groovy Yao Ming Breaks His Foot--and Chinese Hearts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SPONSORED LINKS "Barack Obama Exposed" A Free special report on the real Barack Obama - get your copy today! www.HumanEvents.com Hillary Clinton Yes or No Vote for or against Hillary Clinton 1-minute poll. www.indpolls.com/hillary-clinton Obama Campaign Website Register now for invitations to attend Barack Obama campaign events BarackObama.com Full Post Posted Wednesday, February 20, 2008 9:04 PM Talk Left: McCain Slams NY Times Article Linking Him to Female Lobbyist Anonymous Bump and Update: McCain releases a statement condemning the New York Times article. Olbermann read it really fast but I didn't hear any denial of the allegations pertaining to the female lobbyist. *** read more Read the Full Post Advertisement Permalink: http://www.blog.newsweek.com/blogs/theruckus/archive/2008/02/20/talk-left-mccain-slams-ny-times-article-linking-him-to-female-lobbyist.aspx Sphere It! Digg It! Newsvine Del.icio.us Facebook Type SizePrint Email RSS Social Networks Permalink: http://www.blog.newsweek.com/blogs/theruckus/archive/2008/02/20/talk-left-mccain-slams-ny-times-article-linking-him-to-female-lobbyist.aspx TrackBack URL: http://www.blog.newsweek.com/blogs/theruckus/trackback.aspx?PostID=194217 Sphere It! Digg It! Newsvine Del.icio.us Facebook DiscussEnter Your CommentSubmit Member Comments Posted By: Thevail (February 21, 2008 at 12:36 AM) Has anyone heard of the Keating 5..this isn't McCain's first issue with stuff like that. Keating Five The Keating Five (or Keating Five Scandal) refers to a Congressional scandal related to the collapse of most of the Savings and Loan institutions in the United States in the late 1980s. Following the deregulation of the banking industry in the 1980s, savings and loan associations (also known as thrifts) were given the flexibility to invest their depositors' funds in commercial real estate. (Previously, they had been restricted to investing in residential real estate.) Many savings and loan associations began making risky investments. As a result, the Federal Home Loan Bank Board, the federal agency that regulates the industry, tried to clamp down on the trend. In so doing, however, the FHLBB clashed with the Reagan administration, whose policy was deregulation of many industries, including the thrift industry. The administration declined to submit budgets to Congress that would request more funding for the FHLBB's regulatory efforts. In 1989, the Lincoln Savings and Loan Association of Irvine, Calif., collapsed. Lincoln's chairman, Charles H. Keating Jr., was faulted for the thrift's failure. Keating, however, told the House Banking Committee that the FHLBB and its former chief Edwin J. Gray were pursuing a vendetta against him. Gray testified that several U.S. senators had approached him and requested that he ease off on the Lincoln investigation. It came out that these senators had been beneficiaries of $1.3 million (collective total) in campaign contributions from Keating. This allegation set off a series of investigations by the California government, the United States Department of Justice, and the Senate Ethics Committee. The ethics committee's investigation focused on five senators: Alan Cranston (D-CA); Dennis DeConcini (D-AZ); John Glenn (D-OH); John McCain (R-AZ); and Donald W. Riegle, Jr. (D-MI), who became known as the Keating Five. After months of testimony revealed that all five senators acted improperly to differing degrees, the senators continually said they were following the status quo of campaign funding practices. In August 1991, the committee concluded that Cranston, DeConcini, and Riegle's conduct constituted substantial interference with the FHLBB's enforcement efforts and that they had done so at the behest of Charles Keating. The committee recommended censure for Cranston and criticized the other four for "questionable conduct." As it happened, Cranston, who was nearly 80 years of age, had already decided not to run for re-election in 1992. DeConcini and Riegle continued to serve in the Senate until their terms expired, but they did not seek re-election in 1994. DeConcini was appointed by President Bill Clinton in February, 1995 to the Board of Directors of the Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation. [1] Glenn did choose to run for re-election in 1992 and it was anticipated that he would have some difficulty winning a fourth term in the Senate. However, Glenn handily defeated Lieutenant Governor R. Michael DeWine for one more term in the Senate before retiring in 1999. The scandal was followed by a number of attempts to adopt campaign finance reform—spearheaded by U.S. Sen. David Boren (D-OK)—but most attempts died in committee. A weakened reform was passed in 1993. Substantial campaign finance reform was not passed until the adoption of the McCain-Feingold Act in 2002. The only member of the Keating Five still in the U.S. Senate is John McCain. John McCain was forced to re-invent himself as a campaign reformer in order to keep his seat in the Senate. Now he’s running for President, the biggest lobbyist haven of all. Report Abuse -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted By: CANDIDATE_REPUBLICAN (February 21, 2008 at 12:57 AM) rev ms lisa n roy alston, reforms agent , reforms int'l in Association with ahndicap interests international world religions group ein 13 3566610 tax eempt non pofit :issue democratic redevelopment in usa et al, released with consent of the reverend dr kamal karna karuna roy , republican hopeful and candidate , u s presidential electoral competition 2008 : Hello LISANROY Change Preferences | Sign Out Sign In | Register Now Print Edition | Subscribe NewsNation Investigations Education Photos & Video World Technology KidsPost Discussions Metro Entertainment Religion Corrections Business Health Post Magazine Archives PoliticsPolitics Blogs House/Senate Votes White House Congress 2008 Campaign In Depth Polls In the Loop DC | MD | VA OpinionsOpinions Home Toles Cartoons On Faith Blogs Telnaes Animations PostGlobal Feedback Outlook Discussion Groups LocalMetro News Weather Local Explorer Jobs Education Traffic Community Guides Cars DC | MD | VACrime The Extras Real Estate Columns/Blogs Obituaries Local Business Yellow Pages SportsRedskins D.C. 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The Democrats' To-Do Lists Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama face opposite challenges in pursuing the Democratic nomination. - By Ruth Marcus CommentsLISANROY wrote: Barack hussein Obama, an accidetal president designed by u s media; hillary rhodham cinton a bag lady of pre clinton & pro clinton era symbol of corruption, and woman of tear_politicking to attract woen in usa to vote for her, both obama and hillary were accused of civil rights violations to incite black generation of u s elctorate against chances to win and daage republican mr clean as u s president for rev dr kamal said "u may notelect me , pl do not elct hillary or obama as president of U S A. see below : Thanks to everyone who donated in the Wikimedia Foundation fundraiser! You can still make a contribution, or buy Wikimedia merchandise. Kamal Karna Roy From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search Kamal Karna Roy Born GUAM, A u S TERRITORY IN PACIFIC Residence United States Nationality U S CITIZEN BY BIRTH, PURSUANT TO u s ACT OF 1978, FOR PEOPLE WHO WERE BORM IN GUAM AND in MARIANA ISLANDS in Pacific Ocean regions ,AND who were LIVING IN usa ON DAY OF ENACTMENT OF THE SAId ACT OF 1978. Other names the Rev Dr Joseph Geronimo , Jr. Kamal K. K. Roy. KAMAL KARNA K. ROY Known for as ACTIVIST IN SOCIAL REFORMS IN RESPECTS OF GOD/S, RELIGIONS, PEOPLE, hUMAN_GOD/S ( PEOPLE WITH LEADERSHIP AND APPARENT OR REAL POWERS TO EXERT RIGHTS ON PUBLIC WITH GOOD OR ANY INTENTION OF PUBLIC OR PRIVATE IDEOLOGIES VIZ LATE Iraqi Dictator_President :SADAM HUSSAIN OF IRAQ WHILE HE WAS IN POWER OF UN_NAMED U.S PRESIDENT/S WITH severe CONTROVERSIES IN PUBLIC POLICIES IN MAINLAND usa OR WORLD_WIDE democracies, SAY A ruling GENERAL IN SOME POWER IN SOUTH ASIA. Education has an M B A DEGREE (m s IN SPECIALISATION IN tRANSPORTATION MANAGEMENT FROM suny MARITIME COLLEGE , the BRONX, NEW YORK CITY, usa ; STUDIED ADVANCED COURSE LEADING TO ADVANCED CERT. IN pUBLIC ADMN. FROM usda gRADUATE SCHOOL, WASHINTON dc ( SCHOOL id :578- 80- 4399 ; he has 2 Doctoral degrees in management science in fields of management Science and another in field/faculty of Religions / god/s/people from foreign school He has a bachelor's degree in law from foreign cchool of laws and management. He further took in education s in University of Rhode Island,both at Providence and Kingston , in usa and other schools viz City university of new York,Baruch college, New york city, usa et al Employer volunteer ordained clergy with vow of poverty ( U S IRS rule for ordained clergies in USA .group Handicap interests international world religions group. 107 A Scribner avenue, staten Island , New york city, n y 10301, USA Occupation activist, mobile clergy, electronic preacher of multiple or unique god/s and religions , et al. Title mobile clergy,Political activist USA and around globe; currently he is a u s presidential hopeful / candidate for 2008 electoral competition from Republican Party in New York ; strategist for common / weaker people, disadvantaged people in democracy in usa et al to claim leadership including the 2008 Presidency electoral competition: the weaker people aresegregated and removed from electoral race by stategic powerful block in democracy in U S republic including the news media and news conglomerates. see court actions pending in the main article of Dr kamal Karna Roy. strategist of god/s , religions, people, et al, activist Height 5' 8' Political party Republican ( GOP)of usa Religious stance world religions/ multiple religions in unique body and soul and a proponent of the strategy. Spouse a common law wife Children some, maintained by natural mother concerned Kamal Karna Roy (a/k/a Kamal K.K. Roy, a/k/a Rev. Dr. Joseph Geronimo, Jr.) is a prolific pro se litigant who, since at least the early 1990s, has filed numerous lawsuits throughout the United States and its territories under the names Roy and Joseph Geronimo, Jr., as well as under the names of entities that he is affiliated with, including International Siva Consciousness & World Religions, Reforms International, Handicap Interests International, and Jungle Democracy.[1] Roy's lawsuits are often brought against multiple defendants, and feature long, unconventional complaints. Roy has filed lawsuits against God, U.S. Presidents, Supreme Court Justices, fast food restaurants, foreign leaders.[2], and Wikipedia [3] [4]. Roy's lawsuits have addressed, among many other things, actions taken by President George W. Bush, overcharging by telecommunication companies, the appointment of Chief Justice John Roberts to the Supreme Court, and "failure of democratic societies and God's role therein."[5] In 2006 Judge Michael W. McConnell of The United States Court of Appeals for the Tenth Circuit described a typical Roy complaint: Roy, a/k/a Joseph Geronimo, Jr. filed a 115-page complaint, a 144-page amended complaint, and a 40-page second amended complaint against over sixty defendants, including among many others President Bush, God as U.S.-based divine benefactor, several government agencies, The New York Times, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. In addition to pages of rambling discourse, the complaint contains numerous illegible handwritten remarks.[6] The Tenth Circuit went on to affirm the district court's dismissal of the complaint holding that no discernible claim was apparent from the complaint. Judge McConnell also humorously noted that the court "strongly suspect[ed] at least one defendant was not properly served."[7] Most, if not all, of Roy's complaints have been dismissed. A 2006 United States District Court for the District of Delaware opinion, Jungle Democracy v. U.S., describes Roy as "no stranger to litigation" and provides a partial list of Roy lawsuits that have been dismissed since 1991.[8] Despite Roy's lack of success in the courts, his lawsuits have been discussed in law school classrooms and in law related blogs.[9] [10] In April 2007 Roy filed a civil rights action against, among others, CBS Broadcasting Inc., MSNBC, the United States Government, and controversial radio shock jock Don Imus.[11] In October, 2007, Roy filed a suit in the US District Court, Middle District of Florida, against "Wikipedia Encyclopedia, USA, All News Media, All State Board of Elections, Federal Election Commission". See Dkt. 3:07-cv-00994-VMC-HTS. [edit] References ^ Jungle Democracy v. U.S., No. CIV.06-503-SLR, 2006 WL 2616213, at *1 (D. Del. Sept. 12, 2006) ^ Roy v. U.S., No. CIV.06-685-SLR 2007 WL 1109296 at *1 (D. Del. Apr. 11, 2007) ^ http://dockets.justia.com/browse/state-new_hampshire/court-nhdce/noscat-5/ ^ http://www.area603.com/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1460&blogId=6 ^ Id. ^ Jungle Democracy v. USA Government at Washington, DC & at Denver, 206 Fed.Appx. 756 (C.A.10, 2006) ^ Id. at 757 ^ Jungle Democracy, 2006 WL 2616213, at *1 ^ http://howappealing.law.com/112106.html#019767 ^ http://enmasse.ca/forums/viewtopic.php?p=81431&sid=fbaa29156d22ef55f5adbe22febfcfe8 ^ http://dockets.justia.com/docket/court-dedce/case_no-1:2007cv00206/case_id-38087/ Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamal_Karna_Roy" Categories: Uncategorised people | Year of birth missing (living people) | Place of birth missing (living people) | Living people Views Article Discussion Edit this page History Watch Personal tools Kamal karna roy My talk My preferences My watchlist My contributions Log out Navigation Main page Contents Featured content Current events Random article interaction About Wikipedia Community portal Recent changes Contact Wikipedia Donate to Wikipedia Help Search Toolbox What links here Related changes Upload file Special pages Printable version Permanent link Cite this article This page was last modified 18:00, 29 October 2007. All text is available under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License. (See Copyrights for details.) Wikipedia® is a registered trademark of the Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., a U.S. registered 501(c)(3) tax-deductible nonprofit charity. Privacy policy About Wikipedia Disclaimers 2/20/2008 7:36:17 AM Recommend (0) Report Abuse Discussion Policy billmosby wrote: Socialists need to-do lists. That's one reason why past masters at it gave half-day speeches. Think Fidel, Nikita, and, I'll go ahead and say it, Jim Jones. And they were already in power! 2/20/2008 7:28:15 AM Recommend (0) Report Abuse Discussion Policy LISANROY wrote: Thanks to everyone who donated in the Wikimedia Foundation fundraiser! You can still make a contribution, or buy Wikimedia merchandise. Kamal Karna Roy From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search Kamal Karna Roy Born GUAM, A u S TERRITORY IN PACIFIC Residence United States Nationality U S CITIZEN BY BIRTH, PURSUANT TO u s ACT OF 1978, FOR PEOPLE WHO WERE BORM IN GUAM AND in MARIANA ISLANDS in Pacific Ocean regions ,AND who were LIVING IN usa ON DAY OF ENACTMENT OF THE SAId ACT OF 1978. Other names the Rev Dr Joseph Geronimo , Jr. Kamal K. K. Roy. KAMAL KARNA K. ROY Known for as ACTIVIST IN SOCIAL REFORMS IN RESPECTS OF GOD/S, RELIGIONS, PEOPLE, hUMAN_GOD/S ( PEOPLE WITH LEADERSHIP AND APPARENT OR REAL POWERS TO EXERT RIGHTS ON PUBLIC WITH GOOD OR ANY INTENTION OF PUBLIC OR PRIVATE IDEOLOGIES VIZ LATE Iraqi Dictator_President :SADAM HUSSAIN OF IRAQ WHILE HE WAS IN POWER OF UN_NAMED U.S PRESIDENT/S WITH severe CONTROVERSIES IN PUBLIC POLICIES IN MAINLAND usa OR WORLD_WIDE democracies, SAY A ruling GENERAL IN SOME POWER IN SOUTH ASIA. Education has an M B A DEGREE (m s IN SPECIALISATION IN tRANSPORTATION MANAGEMENT FROM suny MARITIME COLLEGE , the BRONX, NEW YORK CITY, usa ; STUDIED ADVANCED COURSE LEADING TO ADVANCED CERT. IN pUBLIC ADMN. FROM usda gRADUATE SCHOOL, WASHINTON dc ( SCHOOL id :578- 80- 4399 ; he has 2 Doctoral degrees in management science in fields of management Science and another in field/faculty of Religions / god/s/people from foreign school He has a bachelor's degree in law from foreign cchool of laws and management. He further took in education s in University of Rhode Island,both at Providence and Kingston , in usa and other schools viz City university of new York,Baruch college, New york city, usa et al Employer volunteer ordained clergy with vow of poverty ( U S IRS rule for ordained clergies in USA .group Handicap interests international world religions group. 107 A Scribner avenue, staten Island , New york city, n y 10301, USA Occupation activist, mobile clergy, electronic preacher of multiple or unique god/s and religions , et al. Title mobile clergy,Political activist USA and around globe; currently he is a u s presidential hopeful / candidate for 2008 electoral competition from Republican Party in New York ; strategist for common / weaker people, disadvantaged people in democracy in usa et al to claim leadership including the 2008 Presidency electoral competition: the weaker people aresegregated and removed from electoral race by stategic powerful block in democracy in U S republic including the news media and news conglomerates. see court actions pending in the main article of Dr kamal Karna Roy. strategist of god/s , religions, people, et al, activist Height 5' 8' Political party Republican ( GOP)of usa Religious stance world religions/ multiple religions in unique body and soul and a proponent of the strategy. Spouse a common law wife Children some, maintained by natural mother concerned Kamal Karna Roy (a/k/a Kamal K.K. Roy, a/k/a Rev. Dr. Joseph Geronimo, Jr.) is a prolific pro se litigant who, since at least the early 1990s, has filed numerous lawsuits throughout the United States and its territories under the names Roy and Joseph Geronimo, Jr., as well as under the names of entities that he is affiliated with, including International Siva Consciousness & World Religions, Reforms International, Handicap Interests International, and Jungle Democracy.[1] Roy's lawsuits are often brought against multiple defendants, and feature long, unconventional complaints. Roy has filed lawsuits against God, U.S. Presidents, Supreme Court Justices, fast food restaurants, foreign leaders.[2], and Wikipedia [3] [4]. Roy's lawsuits have addressed, among many other things, actions taken by President George W. Bush, overcharging by telecommunication companies, the appointment of Chief Justice John Roberts to the Supreme Court, and "failure of democratic societies and God's role therein."[5] In 2006 Judge Michael W. McConnell of The United States Court of Appeals for the Tenth Circuit described a typical Roy complaint: Roy, a/k/a Joseph Geronimo, Jr. filed a 115-page complaint, a 144-page amended complaint, and a 40-page second amended complaint against over sixty defendants, including among many others President Bush, God as U.S.-based divine benefactor, several government agencies, The New York Times, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. In addition to pages of rambling discourse, the complaint contains numerous illegible handwritten remarks.[6] The Tenth Circuit went on to affirm the district court's dismissal of the complaint holding that no discernible claim was apparent from the complaint. Judge McConnell also humorously noted that the court "strongly suspect[ed] at least one defendant was not properly served."[7] Most, if not all, of Roy's complaints have been dismissed. A 2006 United States District Court for the District of 2/20/2008 7:24:17 AM 2/28/2008 9:44:30 PM Recommend (0) Report Abuse Discussion Policy LISANROY wrote: we the people in usa may have to dump mccain in case he was not found okay to lead nation,usa Gandelman Bio | The Moderate Voice
What is your zodiac sign...? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)? I’m a Sagittarius!! Damn fucking TRUE! Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ass. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ass. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ass. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ass and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
free synopsis of jungle democracy of the rev dr kamal karna k roy; why pay hard cash ? read hundreds of pages of pushed materials which we shall find in web site with search words kamal karna roy jungle democracy republican hopeful candidate president , in combinations of 4/5 words: see some specimen of writings or views of kamal roy and/or comments : South Carolina, the top-ranking African-American in Congress and officially neutral, found Clinton's tone insulting and said so publicly. When the former president called Kennedy, the Massachusetts Democrat gave Clinton an earful, telling him that he bore some blame for the injection of race into the contest. In any event, both Hillary and Obama made peace on the race issue at the Las Vegas debate. The Clinton camp now fears that Kennedy is leaning toward Obama, according to the Clinton source, though Kennedy's office says he is making no endorsement "at this time." Clinton aides admit the boss sometimes goes off script. Obama officials say this itself should be a campaign issue. Greg Craig, who coordinated Clinton's impeachment defense in 1998 and is now a senior Obama adviser, argues that "recent events raise the question: if Hillary's campaign can't control Bill, whether Hillary's White House could." There is little precedent for a former president's engaging in intra-party attacks. In 1960, Harry Truman criticized the idea of a Roman Catholic president and tried briefly to stop John F. Kennedy's nomination. "I urge you to be patient," he told JFK publicly. But in 2000, former president George Bush declined to attack his son's GOP primary opponent, John McCain. Clinton is undeterred by the criticism and will likely keep hammering Obama if he thinks it helps Hillary. "History will judge the impact on the Clinton legacy, not daily or weekly political reporters," says Matt McKenna, Bill Clinton's press secretary. © 2008 Newsweek, Inc. 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Comments: The U S American fight of leadership viz electoral competition for u s presidents nov 2008 are kind or dog_fights of DOGS of elite owners, large coterie of vested interests groups, billionaires _selected dogs , super_. super_human_gods: commoners. poors, have_nots, disadvanded groups or their selectd leaders are designed as redudan tplayers in democracy in usa and they are designed to play as some robbots in democracy of we the people in usa. we the people must wake up right now to reclaim rights leadership to common units of the republic of usa , we the people. please refer to"federal justia docket" find court cations commenced by the reverend dr kamal karna k roy aka joseph geronimo jr , a republican u s presidential candidate 2008; now dr roy moved to atleast three u district courts in california, new jersey and at new hampshire at concord nh, usa to postpone the us presidential elctoral competitions by 350+ defendants while dr roy filed complaints pro se for self as a u s born citizen of usa for birth in Guam, u s territory in pacific, and hi is a f e c registered candidate but all defendants including usa govt, states of usa, state boards of elections f e c all neglected status of the candidate to curb his chances to be elected u s president; us media in news and giant news conglomerates viz associated press, cnn news, news corp , gannet news , new yorks times co all just ignored a patriot to take leadership in the troubled and richest democratic republic viz usa. usa may fail democracy in iraq, in pakistan et al but it shall be largest deficits in entire world of democracies ,now suffererings of dysfunctions of jungle democracy, to fail the entire century old leadership scopes of usa. see websites to check vision of kamal karna roy, a newer voice in world of democrtacies in deficits those need to be replenished to save human conditions as human_animals, rev lisa n roy, executive officer, dr kamal k k roy election committee to settle one like kamal roy as us president 2008, although efforts could be zero sum game and may be an episode off loss but kamal told usa citizenry recently that efforts of a unit of "we the people" MAY NOT BE IGNOORED TO REVIVE DEMOCRACY, AND EVERY MEMBER OF "WE THE PEOPLE" IN usa, OTHERWISE,WE THE PEOPLE CONCEPT , may FAILS TO STRIKE BLOW TO failing events DEMOCRACY and concerns. LISA ROY ALSTON WITH CONSENT OF release of message from The reverend DR KAMAL karna karuna ROYaka joseph geronimo jr, a guam born u s citizen by birth in guam 3.31. 1934 ; s s # 578 80 4399; consented ON 2.16 . 2008 at saranac lake, new york 12983.. please refer to"federal justia docket" find court cations commenced by the reverend dr kamal karna k roy aka joseph geronimo jr , a republican u s presidential candidate 2008; now dr roy moved to atleast three u district courts in california, new jersey and at new hampshire at concord nh, usa to postpone the us presidential elctoral competitions by 350+ defendants while dr roy filed complaints pro se for self as a u s born citizen of usa for birth in Guam, u s territory in pacific, and hi is a f e c registered candidate but all defendants including usa govt, states of usa, state boards of elections f e c all neglected status of the candidate to curb his chances to be elected u s president; us media in news and giant news conglomerates viz associated press, cnn news, news corp , gannet news , new yorks times co all just ignored a patriot to take leadership in the troubled and richest democratic republic viz usa. usa may fail democracy in iraq, in pakistan et al but it shall be largest deficits in entire world of democracies ,now suffererings of dysfunctions of jungle democracy, to fail the entire century old leadership scopes of usa. see websites to check vision of kamal karna roy, a newer voice in world of democrtacies in deficits those need to be replenished to save human conditions as human_animals, rev lisa n roy, executive officer, dr kamal k k roy election committee to settle one like kamal roy as us president 2008, although efforts could be zero sum game and may be an episode off loss but kamal told usa citizenry recently that efforts of a unit of "we the people" MAY NOT BE IGNOORED TO REVIVE DEMOCRACY, AND EVERY MEMBER OF "WE THE PEOPLE" IN usa, OTHERWISE,WE THE PEOPLE CONCEPT FAILS in reality considerations.the rev LISA ROY ALSTON WITH CONSENT OF The reverend DR KAMAL karna karuna ROYaka jose[h geronimo jr, a guam born u s citizen by birth in guam 3.31. 1934 . Member Comments Posted By: democratic_reforms @ 02/16/2008 5:00:32 PM Comment: world news in democratic change demanded for newer ethics of people in th district court of northern district of texas, at 1100 commerce, Dallas, Texas ,usa for memand of almost record setting amout of 1.5 (one point five trillions of u s $ for damages to u s presidential candidate_republican for democratic wrong doing by 390 + defendants ( jury was requested to decide the more exact amount od damages to be paid to pro se plaintiff, the rev kamal karna roy aka joseph geronimo jr, who wa born in guam, a u territory in Pacific (dob :3.31. 1934) a have_not in usa, a clergy on vow of poverty (IRS RULE) TO SERVE GOD/S OF RELIGIONS FOR SERVICE TO PEOPLE.bUT HIS AIM OF SERVICE TO WE THE PEOPLE VIRTUALLY FAILEDWITH INTENT TO SERVENATION NAMED AS OUR MOTHERLAND, THE REPUBLIC OF USA AS NOT ONLY DEMOCRATI INTENT IN IRAQ OF USA INITIATIVE, & PAKISTANI DEMOCRACY WITH SUPPORT OF US DID NOT JUST FAIL, BUT CREATED A PANDORA'S BOX IN DEMOCRACY, COMMONERS IN THE WORLD ARE SURPISED EVERYDAY THAT BOX MAY OPEN NEWER GLIMMICK IN DEMOCRACY OF CONVENIENCE OF REAL_LIFE PANDORA_MUSAREF, PERVEZ. nOW CMING TO USA DEMOCRACY THE PLAINTIFFS IN CIVIL COURT ACTION WERE MADE TO BELIEVE THAT DEMOCRATIC ELECTION FOR U S PRESIDENT WAS A DOG_FIGHT SYNDROME OF DEMOCRACY WHEREIN ONLY BIGGY_DOGS OF SELECTED OWNERS WOULD BE ALLOWED TOPARTICIPATE,OTHERS WOULD BE RESTRICTED WITH TOO MANY CONROLS SUPERVISES BY POWERFULS, THEY ONLY CONVIENTLY JUDGE DOG_FIGH EPISODES AND LOW_BARKING DOGS WOULD NOT ALLOWED TO BARK/CO,MPLAIN IN VIIORS' GALARY, THIS WAS A CASE WITH KAMAL ROY TO SUFFER AND SUSTAIND DANAGES ALONG WITH PLAINTIFFS ASSOCIATIONS , PETITIONED PRO SE BY COMMON OFFICER OF THE PLAINTIFFS ( 140 + NOS ) NON PROFIT TAX EXEMPT THROUGH GRUP EXEMPTION BY IRS ; SEE FRCP RULE AND THE U S CONSTITUTIONL RIGHT OF CITIZENS TO LAWFULLY SSOCIATE AND ACT IN ANY ACTION INCLUDING CIVIL ACTIONS ALTHOUGH KAMAL WAS A POOR CLERGY, BUT US CITIZEN. HILLARY, OBAMA, MCCAIN WAS BENEFICIARIES TO NEWS COVERAGES BY US NEWS MEDIA AND NEWS PRODUCING ONGLOMERATES WITH USES, ABUSES AND CAUSING HARM TO WEAKER CANDIDATES WHO RECEIVED NO NEWS COVERAGES AS CANDIDATES INCLUDING HAVE_NOT KAMAL ROYHILLARY USED GENDER &OBAMA USED SKIN/RACE OF ELECTORATE ALL ILLEGAL APPPROACHES IN CAMPAIGN. AS SUCH HILLRY/OBAMA SHOULD BE BARRED IN ELECTON/ RACES.. PRAYERS WERE IN PETITION TO REDRESS GRIEVANCES. Posted By: CANDIDATE_REPUBLICAN @ 02/16/2008 7:41:49 AM Comment: Yahoo!MailYahoo! SearchSearch the Web: Welcome, vishwa_dh [Sign Out, My Account]Answers Home -Blog -Help Search for questions: Advanced My ProfileHome > Search Results Search Results Sorry, no results for "OBAMA AND HILLARY BE BARRED FROM PRES ELECTION 2008 FOR USING GENDER (HILLARY IS A WOMAN) AND RACE OR COLOR OF SKIN (OBAMA CLAIMS THAT HE IS BLACKER AMERICAN, WHITH WHITE AMBITION TO WIN ELECTION 2008 IN USA ? DR THE REV KAMAL ROY FILED PETITION AS OF 2.16. 2008 IN THE U S D COURT DALLAS TEXAS TO BAR THEM TO BE CANDIDATE AS THIR ILLEGAL CIVIL VIOLATION OF USING GENDER (HILLARY USED TEAR_POLITICKING BEFORE WOMEN IN NEW HAMPSHIRE VOTERS TO ATTRACT WOMEN TO VOTE HER TOWARDS U S PRESIDENCY. OBAMA WAS NOT HIMSELF SURE IF HE WAS BLACKER U S CITIZEN OR WHITER US MAN. HE POSED PURE BLACK TO INCITE AFRICAN AMERICANS IN DC AREA TO INCITE BLACKS TO WIN PRESIDENCY 1008. ANY DISCRIMINATORY PRACTICES BASED ON GHENDER (OF CANDIDATE / ELECTORATE AND VOTING BASED ON COLOR OR RACE OF CANDIDATE / ELECTORATE IS PRESUMABLY ILLEGAL AND BOTH CRIMINAL AND CIVIL OFFENCE; THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFUL /CANDIDATE REV DR KAMAL ROY IS EXPECTING DAMAGES DUE LURING AWAY VOTERS AGINST HIM IN ELECTION OF NOV 2008 AS HE IS HOPEFUL TO BE DRAFTED AS THE US REPULIAN PARTY NOMINEE AS CLEAN MR MS PREIDENT_REPUBLICAN AT REPUBLICAN PARTY NATIONAL CONVENTION THIS YEAR PENDING. HILLARY OR OBAMA SHOULD BE BARRED FROM FEDERAL OR USA STATE ELECTION FOR LIFE OR AT LEAST FOR 3 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION TERM. . IS A PRAYER ALONG WITH PRAYER TO ORDER INJUNCTION ON USA GOVT AS DEFENDANT ALONG WITH390+ OTHER DEFENDANTS AND KAMAL ROY + 151 = plaintiff unincorporated financially starving associations as plaintiffs , and kamal with a law dgree from a foreign nation, and an m b a degree (exactly m s degree from S N N Y" in Yahoo! Answers Check your spelling and try more general words. Ask the users of Yahoo! Answers. Answers International: Argentina Australia Brazil Canada China France Germany Hong Kong India Indonesia Italy Japan Malaysia Mexico New Zealand Philippines Quebec Singapore South Korea Spain Taiwan Thailand United Kingdom United States Vietnam en Español Yahoo! does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any Yahoo! Answers content. Click here for the Full Disclaimer. Help us improve Yahoo! Answers.Tell us what you think. Copyright © 2007 Yahoo! Singapore Pte. Ltd. (Co. Reg. No. 199700735D). All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy - Terms of Service - Community Guidelines Posted By: democratic_reforms @ 02/11/2008 8:08:34 AM Comment: 11/2008 7:43:49 AM Comment: The Road To a GOP Minority A Florida project shows why Republicans will remain in the minority. - By George F. Will CommentsLISANROY wrote: please refer to"federal justia docket" find court cations commenced by the reverend dr kamal karna k roy aka joseph geronimo jr , a republican u s presidential candidate 2008; now dr roy moved to atleast three u district courts in california, new jersey and at new hampshire at concord nh, usa to postpone the us presidential elctoral competitions by 350+ defendants while dr roy filed complaints pro se for self as a u s born citizen of usa for birth in Guam, u s territory in pacific, and hi is a f e c registered candidate but all defendants including usa govt, states of usa, state boards of elections f e c all neglected status of the candidate to curb his chances to be elected u s president; us media in news and giant news conglomerates viz associated press, cnn news, news corp , gannet news , new yorks times co all just ignored a patriot to take leadership in the troubled and richest democratic republic viz usa. usa may fail democracy in iraq, in pakistan et al but it shall be largest deficits in entire world of democracies ,now suffererings of dysfunctions of jungle democracy, to fail the entire century old leadership scopes of usa. see websites to check vision of kamal karna roy, a newer voice in world of democrtacies in deficits those need to be replenished to save human conditions as human_animals, rev lisa n roy, executive officer, dr kamal k k roy election committee to settle one like kamal roy as us president 2008, although efforts could be zero sum game and may be an episode off loss but kamal told usa citizenry recently that efforts of a unit of "we the people" MAY NOT BE IGNOORED TO REVIVE DEMOCRACY, AND EVERY MEMBER OF "WE THE PEOPLE" IN usa, OTHERWISE,WE THE PEOPLE CONCEPT FAILS TOSTRIKE BLOW TO DEMOCRACY ITSELF LISA ROY ALSTON ; THE REVEREND MS GARGI R lAHIRI REFORMS AGENT & ASST TO REV DR KAMAL K K ROY CANDIDATE /HOPEFUL U S PRESIDENT'S JOB 2008 ; THE REVEREND MS ATREYEE ROY SEN DIRECTOR REFORMS IN DEMOCRATIC WORLD IN S E ASIA ; REVROBIN DALE lashua ; the rev paromita r Baidya (ms); et al,WITH CONSENT (dt 2.11. 2008 new york city, usa ) OF The reverend DR KAMAL karna karuna ROY ,( aka joseph geronimo jr 9BORN IN gUAM, U S TERRITORY IN pACIFIC ) ( A u s born CITIZEN PURSUANT TO U S ACT 1978 FOR GUAM AND MARIANA ISLAND PEOPLE WHO WAS LIVING AND RESIDENT OF MAINLAND usa,. Kamal k k roy lived in usa in new york state, et al in usa including in washington dc areas since 1968; ss 3 578 80 4399. see photograph in website votre smart org :candidate u s president 2008 from n y state; voter republican saranac lake, new york 12983; Campaign office : 107 A scribner Avenue , staten island , city of new york n y 10301 ; mailing address p o box 1173 saranac lake new york 12983, usa ph 515 891 5466 ; 518 637 6964 ; e mail id :vishwa_dh@ View All Comments »
Does the North USA really want the South out? http://www.lewrockwell.com/yates/yates30.html Northerners Want Us Out? By All Means Let’s Oblige Them! by Steven Yates Johnny Jay: Did you know that there are some folks in the North that are tired of us Southerners and think we should be tossed out on our fannies? Billy Ray: You’re kidding me! Johnny Jay: No, it’s right here, in this column "Let’s Ditch Dixie" by Mark Strauss. Billy Ray: Never heard of him. Johnny Jay: He’s a senior editor at Foreign Affairs. That’s Council on Foreign Relations. Billy Ray: At least we know what to expect. Johnny Jay: Well, what he does is make fun of the League of the South and their Declaration of Southern Cultural Independence – signed last year in Montgomery. He also ridicules the Southern associations of folks like John Ashcroft and Gale Norton, calling the latter the GOP’s "honorary Dixie chick," but then he makes an allegation that’s nothing short of astounding – coming from a Yankee. Billy Ray: Which is? Johnny Jay: That the North and the South "can no longer claim to be one nation." Billy Ray: A Northerner said that? Johnny Jay: Yes, and a lot more besides. He mentions last year’s electoral map, but it’s almost like he saw the infamous county-by-county map and actually figured out what it means. The one showing all the "red counties" that voted for George W. Bush and all the "blue counties" that went for Al Gore. Billy Ray: They showed that counties full of our people, tending to be rural, Southern, or western – except for the heavy Hispanic regions way out west – tended to go for Bush. All the urban areas tended to go for Gore. Johnny Jay: True, but they also show how Bush won the South hands down, and that without the South he wouldn’t have won. He doesn’t think much of our culture, that’s for sure. He uses references to NASCAR and WCW fans to ridicule it. But the guy’s at least noticed – there’s something different about the South that makes it not like the North – meaning by that the Northeast, mainly. Billy Ray: And his conclusion is that instead of us having to fight our way free, like we tried to do just over 140 years ago, that we be kicked out instead? Johnny Jay: Here’s what he says: "… North and South should simply follow the example of the Czech Republic and Slovakia: shake hands, says [sic.] its been real, and go their separate ways. And if the South isn’t inclined to leave anytime soon, then we should show them the door by seceding unilaterally." Billy Ray: Northern secession?! Johnny Jay: Yup. He says we’re dominating them, because of Southerners in the White House, Southerners picking up population, votes in the Electoral College… Gore won California, New York and Pennsylvania, and he still couldn’t win the election. He couldn’t even win his home state. Billy Ray: Because of the Dixie mindset? Johnny Jay: Yup. This guy even says that the Democrats are becoming "Dixiefied." Yankee liberal progressives no longer have their own party. That explains Ralph Nader. But here’s the really good part. Listen to this: [Reads]: "The South is a gangrenous limb that should have been lopped off decades ago. More people live below the poverty line in the old Confederacy than in the Northeast and Midwest combined – " Billy Ray: Couldn’t their policies have something to do with that? Going all the way back to the War of Yankee Aggression that burned down our cities and towns and raped our land? We never really recovered. Johnny Jay: Could be. Anyway: "You are three times more likely to be murdered in parts of Dixie than anywhere in New England – " Billy Ray: Aw, c’mon, that’s horsehockey! Guess this guy’s never spent much time in New York City or downtown Washington, D.C. Johnny Jay: Doesn’t say. Goes on with more benefits to having an independent Northern state, though, such as – hmmm – higher average test scores, more opportunities for women, less opposition to gay rights. Billy Ray: More logical thought? Johnny Ray: He doesn’t go that far. Billy Ray: I hope not. Johnny Jay: But he does say that without Dixie the Northerns will be able to pass tougher gun laws, legislation barring discrimination against homosexuals, and that won’t have to deal with those annoying commercials offering Dale Earnhardt memorabilia for sale. Billy Ray: Ah. Why don’t we trade. We’ll keep our Dale Earnhardt memorabilia if they’ll keep their laws. If they want to disarm their own people and their own people don’t care, let ‘em. I rather like the idea, if the North is independent from us. Why don’t we give a good Rebel yell tell this guy, hell yeah, let’s go for it. We’ll leave you alone if you’ll leave us alone! I may not like their stupid laws, but I like this guy’s solution to his "Dixie problem." Johnny Jay: Well…. There’s a catch. Billy Ray: Oh? If it sounds too good to be true it usually is. What else does this joker say? Johnny Jay: He thinks that an independent North will be able to "cure" us Dixie-ites of our bad habits. Listen to this: [reading again]: "With the South banished from the Union, we could begin to correct the most objectionable aspects of Southern behavior with the same tools we use to engage countries such as China: by making trade and continued foreign aid contingent upon sincere efforts to clean up the environment and improve human rights. We could implement "Plan South Carolina" to convince tobacco growers to develop alternative crops. Northern observers could ensure democracy in Florida polling places. Peace Corps volunteers could teach the necessary skills – " Billy Ray: Whoa, wait just a cotton pickin’ minute! That’s not separation, that’s just more Yankee imperialism! Why should we want to trade with them, anyway? Johnny Jay: I guess this guy thinks we’ll end up like China. Billy Ray: Wonderful that he’s bothered to research the South and find out a little about us, isn’t it? Has he forgotten that a Southerner penned the Declaration of Independence? That our ancestors contributed massively to writing the U.S. Constitution – and then led to the adding of the Bill of Rights when it wasn’t clear that the Constitution didn’t centralize the new government too much? Johnny Jay: Oh, this Strauss fellow is in love with centralization. He’s Council on Foreign Relations, after all. Remember? Billy Ray: He hasn’t figured out yet that centralizing the government, the economy, you name it, doesn’t work? That it hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried? This guy talks out our test scores. Johnny Jay: Limited to "public school" kids. Billy Ray: Figures. They don’t teach about our ancestors there anymore, or so I hear. They’re more likely to teach tolerance and tree-hugging. I’ve heard they’re trying to introduce ethnic math, or something like that. Johnny Jay: That’s the Yankee influence. Or maybe Left Coast. Hard to tell, when you get right down to it. Billy Ray: Then that’s why the test scores are falling. And I hear theirs aren’t exactly setting the world on fire, either. Johnny Jay: No. They’re falling everywhere. Or so I hear. Not that that’s what counts. It’s not enough just to be educated. It helps to know what is right, and do it. Lenin and Stalin were both smart cookies, after all. Billy Ray: They’ll never get there by making homosexuals an affirmative action group. Johnny Jay: You know that, and I know it. Anyway – and this is really sad! – this guy Strauss’s piece ends by comparing us to the Russians. Billy Ray: He does what??? Johnny Jay: Just listen: "[T]he only obvious downside is that the South would almost certainly insist on keeping the 3,150 nuclear warheads that are scattered throughout Georgia, Texas, Louisiana and Virginia. Maybe we could strike a deal to get those nukes back, the same way Russia did with Ukraine after the Soviet Union broke up. If not, then perhaps national missile defense might not be such a bad idea after all." Billy Ray: That is sad! Not to mention paranoid. Sounds like he’s afraid of us. Johnny Jay: I rather agree. He’s right about the different cultures, though, and about how leftists keep running up against Dixie as the main factor keeping them from getting their way. So if it ever comes to pass that the powers that be up in Northern la-la land want us out, we ought to oblige them – so long as we close our borders afterwards! They won’t get our missiles, and they won’t be able to migrate down here in droves to escape their crime rate and their awful weather. Billy Ray: They’ll regret letting us go so easily. Johnny Jay: But it’ll be too late! [Smiles gleefully.] Billy Ray: So how’d they get that way. Guys like this Strauss, that is. Johnny Jay: Wasn’t from reading that other Strauss, that’s for sure. The one named Leo. Seriously, it goes back to what we were saying about centralization. We have these two basic philosophies, the one coming out of the Northeast that’s basically secular and materialist. The way it’s evolved, it favors expansionist government, high taxes to support it, welfare, dependency, gun control, multiculturalism, affirmative action, feminism, open homosexuality, bad food and bad music. The other comes from down here. We’re still basically Christian and want to depend only on God and our families, but otherwise on our own two feet in a free economy. We believe that independence is a good thing and that manliness is a good thing – that’s why so many of us are NASCAR fans, by the way. We like real men, not the silly flower children of Ivy League campuses and Left Coast beaches. And women who really are women, not Janet Renos and Donna Shalalas – or Hillary Clintons. We’re just daring the clowns running Washington to try and take away our guns. We think affirmative action is nothing more than quotas and preferences that discriminate against white men. We don’t think men and women are interchangeable. We’re still ‘backward’ and think homosexuality is a sin. We’re loyal to something besides money and power. Our sense of place is reflected in our music. We prefer songs like "Sweet Home Alabama" to noise-set-to-a-beat about killing cops. Ever hear anybody call New York City or Washington, D.C., "sweet" anything? But anyway, it all comes down to this: accept the world view that’s taken over the North and you get one solution whether you realize it or not: in the last analysis, power gets the last word. That’s why they end up trying to centralize everything in sight. That’s why even after they’ve kicked us Dixie-ites out, they’ll conduct an economic war of imperialism designed to control us, to rid themselves of our "corrupting" influences. Behind all the power-obsession, though, is something they dare not face – not honestly, anyway. A sort of emptiness. The emptiness of the soul that comes from accepting that this life is all you have, that morality is just a man-made creation, and that you might as well grab for whatever goodies you can get because once it’s over, it’s over. Billy Ray: Hmmm! Sad. But if they ever want us out and they mean it…. Johnny Jay: Then I guess we’ll have to oblige them. Billy Ray: This is just one writer, though, for a Northern Internet site hardly anyone reads because it’s so liberal. The folks running the Washington Empire wouldn’t let us go so easily. Johnny Jay: ‘Fraid not. Billy Ray: They’d miss those vacation spots too much once we closed our borders. Johnny Jay: And don’t forget that terrific mustard-based barbecue sauce we’ve got down here in South Carolina! Billy Ray: That too! Johnny Jay: Well, I’ve had some Boston clam chowder. It was pretty good. Billy Ray: [Looks contrite.] Oh, I’m sorry. They’ve accomplished one thing up there…. March 24, 2001 Steven Yates has a Ph.D. in Philosophy and is the author of Civil Wrongs: What Went Wrong With Affirmative Action (ICS Press, 1994). He is presently compiling selected essays into a single volume tentatively entitled View From the Gallery and a work on a second book, The Paradox of Liberty. He also writes for the Edgefield Journal, and is available for lectures. He lives in Columbia, South Carolina. Copyright © 2001 LewRockwell.com
Did you have any frickin' idea that.....? 1. Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) was born on and died on days when Halley's Comet can be seen. During his life he predicted that he would die when it could be seen. 2. US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen. 3. The "57" on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of pickle types the company once had. 4. Americans are responsible for about 1/5 of the world's garbage annually. On average, that's 3 pounds a day per person. 5. Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels. 6. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks so that it doesn't digest itself. 7. 98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the victim. 8. A B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building on July 28, 1945. 9. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper. 10. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle. 11. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top. 12. Benjamin Franklin was the fifth in a series of the youngest son of the youngest son. 13. Triskaidekaphobia means fear of the number 13. Paraskevidekatriaphobia means fear of Friday the 13th (which occurs one to three times a year). In Italy, 17 is considered an unlucky number. In Japan, 4 is considered an unlucky number. 14. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate. 15. All the chemicals in a human body combined are worth about 6.25 euro (if sold separately). 16. In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles. 17. The ZIP in "ZIP code" means Zoning Improvement Plan. 18. Coca-Cola contained Coca (whose active ingredient is cocaine) from 1885 to 1903. 19. A "2 by 4" is really 1 1/2 by 3 1/2. 20. It's estimated that at any one time around 0.7% of the world's population is drunk. 21. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades = David ; Clubs = Alexander the Great ; Hearts = Charlemagne ; Diamonds = Caesar 22. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals. 23. Every person, including identical twins, has a unique eye and tongue print along with their finger print. 24. The "spot" on the 7-Up logo comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino. 25. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled. 26. The "save" icon in Microsoft Office programs shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards. 27. Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins (Elsa Löwenthal and Emma Wedgewood respectively). 28. Camel's have three eyelids. 29. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day. 30. John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son. 31. Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine are brother and sister. 32. Chocolate can kill dogs; it directly affects their heart and nervous system. 33. Daniel Boone hated coonskin caps. 34. Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape. 35. 55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses. 36. Most lipstick contains fish scales. 37. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode. 38. Dr. Seuss pronounced his name "soyce". 39. Slugs have four noses. 40. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine. 41. The Three Wise Monkeys have names: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil). 42. India has a Bill of Rights for cows. 43. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. (DON'T TRY IT, DUMBASS) 44. During the California gold rush of 1849, miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years, it was deemed more feasible to send their shirts to Hawaii for servicing. 45. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by taking out an olive from First Class salads. 46. About 200,000,000 M&Ms are sold each day in the United States. 47. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood. 48. Over a course of about eleven years, the sun's magnetic poles switch places. This cycle is called "Solarmax". 49. There are 318,979,564,000 possible combinations of the first four moves in Chess. 50. Upper and lower case letters are named "upper" and "lower" because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the lower case letters. 51. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos. 52. The numbers "172" can be found on the back of the US 5 dollar bill, in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial. 53. Coconuts kill about 150 people each year. That's more than sharks. 54. Half of all bank robberies take place on a Friday. 55. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before it. 56. The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672. 57. The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. 58. The average raindrop falls at 7 miles per hour. 59. It took Leonardo Da Vinci 10 years to paint Mona Lisa. He never signed or dated the painting. Leonardo and Mona had identical bone structures according to the painting. X-ray images have shown that there are 3 other versions under the original. 60. If you put a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. 61. Bruce Lee was so fast that they had to slow the film down so you could see his moves. 62. The largest amount of money you can have without having change for a dollar is $1.19 (3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies cannot be divided into a dollar). 63. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA". 64. IBM's motto is "Think". Apple later made their motto "Think different". 65. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white, due to low budget. 66. The original name for butterfly was flutterby. 67. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. 68. One in fourteen women in America is a natural blonde. Only one in sixteen men is. 69. The Olympic was the sister ship of the Titanic, and she provided twenty-five years of service. 70. When the Titanic sank, 2228 people were on it. Only 706 survived. 71. In America, someone is diagnosed with AIDS every 10 minutes. In South Africa, someone dies due to HIV or AIDS every 10 minutes. 72. Every day, 7% of the US eats at McDonald's. 73. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, which Motorola got their name from. 74. In the US, about 127 million adults are overweight or obese; worldwide, 750 million are overweight and 300 million more are obese. In the US, 15% of children in elementary school are overweight; 20% are worldwide. 75. In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer to whom Mickey played an apprentice was named Yensid (Disney spelled backward). 76. During his entire life, Vincent Van Gogh sold exactly one painting, "Red Vineyard at Arles". 77. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand. 78. One in ten people live on an island. 79. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. 80. 28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%. 81. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest. 82. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying. 83. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson", Humphrey Bogart NEVER said "Play it again, Sam" in Casablanca, and they NEVER said "Beam me up, Scotty" on Star Trek. 84. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing. 85. Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokes model. 86. The sound you here when you put a seashell next to your ear is not the ocean, but blood flowing through your head. 87. More people are afraid of open spaces (kenophobia) than of tight spaces (claustrophobia). 88. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher. 89. There is a 1 in 4 chance that New York will have a white Christmas. 90. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries. 91. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. 92. Back in the mid to late '80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered 100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator. 93. $203,000,000 is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S. 94. Every US president has worn glasses (just not always in public). 95. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave. 96. Jim Henson first coined the word "Muppet". It is a combination of "marionette" and "puppet." 97. The names of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with (not counting the words "North" and "South). 98. The Michelin man is known as Mr. Bib. His name was Bibendum in the company's first ads in 1896. 99. About 20% of bird species have become extinct in the past 200 years, almost all of them because of human activity. 100. The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want. 101. About 14% of injecting drug users are HIV positive. 102. A word or sentence that is the same front and back (racecar, kayak) is called a "palindrome". 103. A snail can sleep for 3 years. 104. People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide. 105. China has more English speakers than the United States. 106. Finnish folklore says that when Santa comes to Finland to deliver gifts, he leaves his sleigh behind and rides on a goat named Ukko instead. According to French tradition, Santa Claus has a brother named Bells Nichols, who visits homes on New Year's Eve after everyone is asleep, and if a plate is set out for him, he fills it with cookies and cakes. 107. One in every 9000 people is an albino. 108. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. 109. You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world. 110. Everyday, more money is printed for Monopoly sets than for the U.S. Treasury. 111. Every year 4 people in the UK die putting their trousers on. 112. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds; dogs only have about ten. 113. Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing. 114. In every episode of "Seinfeld" there is a Superman picture or reference somewhere. 115. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck. 116. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants. 117. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. 118. Each year in America there are about 300,000 deaths that can be attributed to obesity. 119. About 55% of all movies are rated R. 120. About 500 movies are made in the US and 800 in India annually. 121. Arabic numerals are not really Arabic; they were created in India. 122. Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations (implemented on July 16, 1969) makes it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles. 123. The February of 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. 124. The Pentagon in Arlington Virginia has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites. 125. There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat, though it may feel uncomfortable. 126. The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. 127. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call. 128. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. 129. There are about 2 chickens for every human in the world. 130. The word "maverick" came into use after Samuel Maverick, a Texan refused to brand his cattle. Eventually any unbranded calf became known as a Maverick. 131. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. 132. For every memorial statue with a person on a horse, if the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died of battle wounds; if all four of the horse's legs are on the ground, the person died of natural causes. 133. On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the American flag is flying over the Parliament Building. 134. An American urologist bought Napoleon's penis for $40,000. 135. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. 136. Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT". 137. $283,200 is the absolute highest amount of money you can win on Jeopardy. 138. Almonds are members of the peach family. 139. Rats and horses can't vomit. 140. The penguin is the only bird that can't fly but can swim. 141. There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day. 142. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance. 143. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. 144. There are only four words in the English language that end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. 145. Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. 146. Every time you lick a stamp you consume 1/10 of a calorie. 147. "101 Dalmatians" and "Peter Pan" are the only Disney animations in which both of a character's parents are present and don't die during the movie. 148. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider. 149. Hedenophobic means fear of pleasure. 150. Ancient Egyptian priests would pluck every hair from their bodies. 151. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. 152. Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18. 80% of burglaries are committed by people aged 13-21. 153. An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. 154. All polar bears are left-handed. 155. The catfish has over 27000 taste buds (more than any other animal) 156. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. 157. Butterflies taste with their feet. 158. Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump. 159. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. 160. Starfish have no brains. 161. 11% of the world is left-handed. 162. John Hancock and Charles Thomson were the only people to sign the Declaration of independence on July 4th, 1776. The last signature came five years later. 163. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. 164. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. 165. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. 166. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. 167. A healthy (non-colorblind) human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray. 168. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. 169. Lizards can self-amputate their tails for protection. It grows back after a few months. 170. Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula". It can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A. 171. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. 172. A honeybee can fly at fifteen miles per hour. 173. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur. 174. A "jiffy" is the scientific name for 1/100th of a second. 175. The average child recognizes over 200 company logos by the time he enters first grade. 176. The youngest pope ever was 11 years old. 177. The first novel ever written on a typewriter is Tom Sawyer. 178. One out of every 43 prisoners escapes from jail. 94% are recaptured. 179. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. 180. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs melted into it. 181. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. 182. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. 183. Elwood Edwards did the voice for the AOL sound files (i.e. "You've got Mail!"). He is heard about 27 million times a day. The recordings were done before Quantum changed its name to AOL and the program was known as "Q-Link." 184. A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is actually clear, but like snow it appears white. 185. Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis middle name was spelled Aron, in honor of his brother. 186. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. 187. Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes. 188. Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump." 189. There are a million ants for every person on Earth. 190. If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white. 191. Women blink nearly twice as much as men. 192. The name Jeep comes from "GP", the army abbreviation for General Purpose. 193. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do. 194. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. 195. Cats' urine glows under a black light. 196. A "quidnunc" is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip. 197. The first US Patent was for manufacturing potassium carbonate (used in glass and gunpowder). It was issued to Samuel Hopkins on July 31, 1970. 198. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors, the helicopter, and many other present day items. 199. In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated. 200. 25% of a human's bones are in its feet. 201. David Sarnoff received the Titanic's distress signal and saved hundreds of passengers. He later became the head of the first radio network, the National Broadcasting Company (NBC). 202. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. 203. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than every Nike factory worker in Malaysia combined. 204. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the '30s lobbied against hemp farmers (they saw it as competition). 205. "Canada" is an Indian word meaning "Big Village". 206. Only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older. 207. If you yelled for 8 years 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. 208. Rape is reported every six minutes in the U.S. 209. The human heart creates enough pressure in the bloodstream to squirt blood 30 feet. 210. A jellyfish is 95% water. 211. Truck driving is the most dangerous occupation by accidental deaths (799 in 2001). 212. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. 213. Elephants only sleep for two hours each day. 214. On average people fear spiders more than they do death. 215. The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue. (the heart is not a muscle) 216. In golf, a 'Bo Derek' is a score of 10. 217. In the U.S, Frisbees outsell footballs, baseballs and basketballs combined. 218. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on a watch is 10:10. 219. If you plant an apple seed, it is almost guaranteed to grow a tree of a different type of apple. 220. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. 221. The only real person to be a PEZ head was Betsy Ross. 222. There are about 450 types of cheese in the world. 240 come from France. 223. When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers plays football at home the stadium becomes Nebraska's third largest city. 224. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life". 225. A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours. 226. In Iceland, a Big Mac costs $5.50. 227. Broccoli and cauliflower are the only vegetables that are flowers. 228. Newborn babies have about 350 bones. They gradually merge and disappear until there are about 206 by age 5. 229. There is no solid proof of who built the Taj Mahal. 230. In a survey of 200000 ostriches over 80 years, not one tried to bury its head in the sand. 231. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A quarter has 119. 232. On an American one-dollar bill there is a tiny owl in the upper-left-hand corner of the upper-right-hand "1" and a spider hidden in the front upper-right-hand corner. 233. Judy Scheindlin ("Judge Judy") has a $25,000,000 salary, while Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has a $190,100 salary. 234. The name for Oz in the Wizard of Oz was thought up when the creator Frank Baum looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N and O-Z. 235. Andorra, a tiny country on the border between France and Spain, has the longest average lifespan: 83.49 years. 236. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. 237. Mr. Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister. 238. In America you will see an average of 500 advertisements a day. 239. John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles. 240. You can lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs. 241. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. 242. "The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in English. 243. There are 336 dimples on a regulation US golf ball. In the UK its 330. 244. The Toltecs (a 7th century tribe) used wooden swords so they wouldn't kill their enemies. 245. "Duff" is the decaying organic matter found on a forest floor. 246. The US has more personal computers than the next 7 countries combined. 247. There have been over 600 lawsuits against Alexander Grahm Bell over rights to the patent of the telephone, the most valuable patent in U.S. history. 248. Kuwait is about 60% male (highest in the world). Latvia is about 54% female (highest in the world). 249. The Hawaiian alphabet has only 12 letters. 250. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined. 251. At the height of its power in 400 BC, the Greek city of Sparta had 25,000 citizens and 500,000 slaves. 252. Julius Caesar's autograph is worth about $2,000,000. 253. The tool doctors wrap around a patient's arm to measure blood pressure is called a sphygmomanometer. 254. People say "bless you" when you sneeze because your heart stops for a millisecond. 255. US gold coins used to say "In Gold We Trust". 256. In "Silence of the Lambs", Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks. 257. A shrimp's heart is in its head. 258. In the 17th century, the value of pi was known to 35 decimal places. Today, to 1.2411 trillion. 259. The bestselling books of all time are The Bible (6billion+), Quotations from the Works of Mao Tse-tung (900million+), and The Lord of the Rings (100million+) 260. Pearls melt in vinegar. 261. "Lassie" was played by a group of male dogs; the main one was named Pal. 262. In 1863, Paul Hubert of Bordeaux, France, was sentenced to life in jail for murder. After 21 years, it was discovered that he was convicted of murdering himself. 263. Nepal is the only country that doesn't have a rectangular flag. Switzerland is the only country with a square flag. 264. Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer are the only angels named in the Bible. 265. Tiger Woods' real first name is Eldrick. His father gave him the nickname "Tiger" in honor of a South Vietnamese soldier his father had fought alongside with during the Vietnam War. 266. Johnny Appleseed planted apples so that people could use apple cider to make alcohol. 267. Abraham Lincoln's ghost is said to haunt the White House. 268. God is not mentioned once in the book of Esther. 269. The odds of being born male are about 51.2%, according to census. 270. Scotland has more redheads than any other part of the world. 271. There is an average of 61,000 people airborne over the US at any given moment. 272. Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane in case there is a crash. 273. The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad. The most common name (of any type) in the world is Mohammed. 274. The surface of the Earth is about 60% water and 10% ice. 275. For every 230 cars that are made, 1 will be stolen. 276. Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital. 277. Lightning strikes the earth about 8 million times a day. 278. Around 2,000 left-handed people die annually due to improper use of equipment designed only for right handed people. 279. The "if" and "then" parts of conditional ("if P then Q") statement are called the protasis (P) and apodosis (Q). 280. Humans use a total of 72 different muscles in speech. 281. If you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer, its stomach will explode. 282. Only female mosquitoes bite. 283. The U.S. Post Office handles 43 percent of the world's mail. 284. Most household dust is made of dead skin cells. 285. One in about eight million people has progeria, a disease that causes people to grow faster than they age. 286. The male seahorse carries the eggs until they hatch instead of the female. 287. The "countdown" (counting down from 10 for an event such as New-Years Day) was first used in a 1929 German silent film called "Die Frau Im Monde" (The Girl in the Moon). 288. Negative emotions such as anxiety and depression can weaken your immune system. 289. There are seven suicides in the Bible: Abimelech. Samson, Saul, Saul's armor-bearer, Ahithophel, Zimri, Judas. 290. A mongoose is not a goose but more like a meercat, which is not a cat but more like a prairie dog, which is not a dog but more like a ground squirrel. 291. Stephen Hawking was born exactly 300 years after Galileo died. 292. Mercury is the only planet whose orbit is coplanar with its equator. Venus and Uranus are the only planets that rotate opposite to the direction of their orbit. 293. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe died on July 4th. Adams and Jefferson died in the same year. Supposedly, Adams last words were "Thomas Jefferson survives." 294. The Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth, not Babe Ruth the baseball player. 295. Dolphins can look in different directions with each eye. They can sleep with one eye open. 296. The Falkland Isles (pop. about 2000) has over 700000 sheep (350 per person). 297. There are 41,806 different spoken languages in the world today. 298. While many treaties have been signed at or near Paris, France (including many after WWI and WWII), nine are actually known as the "Treaty of Paris": Seven Years' War (1763), American Revolutionary War (1783), French-Swede War (1810), France vs Sixth Coalition (1814), Battle of Waterloo (1815), Crimean War (1856), Spanish-American War (1898), union of Bessarabia and Romania (1920), establishment of European Coal and Steel Community (1951). 299. Robert Todd Lincoln (Abraham Lincoln's oldest son) was in Washington DC during his father's assassination as well as during President Garfield's assassination, and he was in Buffalo NY when President McKinley was assassinated. 300. The city of Venice stands on about 120 small islands. 301. The past-tense of the English word "dare" is "durst". 302. Don Mac Lean's song "American Pie" was written about Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P. Richardson (The Big Bopper), who all died in the same plane crash. 303. The drummer for ZZ Top (the only one without a beard) is named Frank Beard. 304. Hummingbirds can't walk. 305. When movie directors do not want their names to be seen in the credits, they use the pseudonym "Allen Smithee" instead. It has been used over 50 times, starting with "Death of a Gunfighter" (1969). 306. Four different people played the part of Darth Vader (body, face, voice, and breathing). 307. Pamela Lee-Anderson was the first to be born in Canada on the centennial anniversary of Canada's independence (7/1/1967). 308. There is about 200 times more gold in the oceans than has been mined throughout history. 309. William Shatner is credited for being the first person on TV to say "hell" as well as to have the first inter-racial kiss (with Nichelle Nichols), both in episodes of Star Trek. 310. While the US government's supply of gold is kept at Fort Knox, its supply of silver is kept at the Military Academy at West Point, NY. 311. Alexander Graham Bell's wife and mother were both deaf. 312. Compact discs read from the inside to the outside edge, the reverse of how a record works. 313. In the ancient Greek city-state of Sparta, if a man was not married by age 30, he would not be allowed to vote or watch athletic events involving nude young men. 314. Attila the Hun (invader of Europe; 406-453), Felix Faure (French President; 1841-1899), Pope Leo VII (936-939), Pope John VII (955-964), Pope Leo VIII (963-965), Pope John XIII (965-72), Pope Paul II (1467-1471), Lord Palmerston (British Prime Minister, 1784-1865), Nelson Rockefeller (US Vice President, 1908-1979), and John Entwistle (The Who's bassist, 1944-2002) all died while having sex. 315. Humans and dolphins are the only animals known to have sex for pleasure. 316. Pac-Man, Namco's 1979 arcade game, was originally called "Puck Man". The name was changed when they realized that vandals could easily scratch out part of the letter "P". 317. Shakespeare and Cervantes died on the same day, April 23, 1616. 318. There are about 7.7 million millionaires in the world (more than 1/1000th of the population). 319. The youngest mother on record was a Peruvian girl named Lina Medina. She gave birth to a boy by caesarean section on May 14, 1939 (which happened to be Mother's Day), at the age of five years, seven months and 21 days. 320. The "middle finger" gesture originates back to 423 BC in Aristophanes play "The Clouds". This maybe took me 2 hours to type........ i hope some of you actually read some of it also....NUMBER 314 is a little creepy if possible, could you also right which number was the most intriging
Printed below is a statement written by Neil Clark, of the National Union of Journalists in Britain? What is written below, was not written by me, my heading explains, but I agree 100% with it's content. I would appreciate "everybody" reading the entire length of this article, because it is important. It does not matter what country you live, because both America and the UK have the same low income tax, free market systems, endorsed todate by all American leaders, while our UK system was endorsed by Margaret Thatcher in the 80's. So please take the time to read and digest in full, because I want to be overwhelmed by responses. Please read as follows, and tell me what you think. """Sunday, June 22, 2008 One Hundred Years of Old Age Pensions Here's my article to mark the centenary of old age pensions, from the Daily Express. And if, like me, you think it's about time that Britain's political elite gave our OAPs the fair deal they deserve, then please lend your support, in whatever way you can to the National Pensioners Convention. The key hallmark of a civilied society is how it treats its old folk-and by that measure Britain, with the lowest state pension in the EU, is failing badly. It has been described as the most momentous date in British social history, the day on which the modern welfare state was born. One hundred years ago (on 7th May 1908), Prime Minister Herbert Asquith announced his government’s intention to introduce an Old Age Pensions bill. For the first time in British history, the elderly would receive a pension from the state. The idea of a universal old-age pension, payable to all elderly people as of right, was first raised in the French Revolution of 1789–99. It was however, to be another hundred years before Germany became the first country in the world to introduce pensions. A further nine countries followed Germany‘s lead, before the British government finally decided it was time to act. With improvements in medical knowledge, people were living longer than ever before. Yet there was no state provision for old age. In 1906, almost 20% of the population over 65 were officially classed as paupers. Women fared particularly badly; around three-quarters of the recipients of ‘outdoor relief’ were elderly women. Old people who could not rely on the kindness of relatives to look after them often ended their days in the dreaded workhouse (pictured above). By the end of the Victorian period the largest group of workhouse inmates were the elderly. Workhouse life was made as harsh and humiliating as possible, so that the able-bodied poor would apply for relief only as a last resort. But while the system was designed to discourage the work-shy, it also meant that the elderly, through no fault of their own, were also penalised. Aged pauper couples were not allowed to share a bedroom. Workhouse inmates had their clothes confiscated and were forced to wear uniform akin to prisoners. Many suffered from malnutrition: hardly surprising considering that the standard dinner was 6oz of bread and 2oz of cheese. The scandalous treatment of the elderly in what was then the richest country on earth led to growing calls for state intervention. In 1891, the philanthropist Charles Booth published his first old-age pensions proposals. In 1899, a Parliamentary select committee investigated and advocated non-contributory old age pensions. In 1902, a campaign group called the National Committee of Organised Labour on Old Age Pensions was formed; its founder George Barnes, defeated the Conservative Cabinet minister Andrew Bonar Law in the 1906 general election. The fiery Welsh Liberal Party politician Lloyd George, who became Chancellor of the Exchequer in 1908, had long advocated old age pensions and was determined to take action that, in his own words, would "lift the shadow of the workhouse from the homes of the poor". But though his Old Age Pensions Act was groundbreaking, its provisions could not be described as over-generous. A pension of up to 5s (25p) per week would be paid to single men and women only when they reached the age of 70; married couples were to receive about 7s6d (35p). The pensions, although non-contributory were means tested: anyone over 70 who had some form of income had this deducted from their pension. Only British subjects resident in the country for twenty years were eligible, anyone who had been in receipt of poor relief in the last twelve months or in prison within the previous ten years was barred. In addition, pensions were not available to those who were deemed to have habitually failed to work according to their “ability, opportunity and need”. As limited as the provisions were, Lloyd George’s proposals were for some, the thin end of the wedge. Old age pensions would prove “profoundly demoralising” and would “weaken the moral fibre of the nation”, critics like the Tory peer Lord Robert Cecil claimed. But the government’s scheme proved hugely popular. The cry “God bless that Lord George” was heard across the country when the
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want. rach2305: i just c + v from another website :) oops i mean copy + paste
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you? Aries Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses. Taurus You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God. Gemini Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius. Cancer You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans Leo You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls. Virgo You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Libra You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all. Scorpio You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it. Sagittarius Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip. Capricorn Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns Aquarius The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians. Pisces Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
Poll: Did you like The Oddysey or The Iliad better? I liked the Iliad better. This was my favorite part: Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Jove fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another. And which of the gods was it that set them on to quarrel? It was the son of Jove and Leto; for he was angry with the king and sent a pestilence upon the host to plague the people, because the son of Atreus had dishonoured Chryses his priest. Now Chryses had come to the ships of the Achaeans to free his daughter, and had brought with him a great ransom: moreover he bore in his hand the sceptre of Apollo wreathed with a suppliant's wreath and he besought the Achaeans, but most of all the two sons of Atreus, who were their chiefs. "Sons of Atreus," he cried, "and all other Achaeans, may the gods who dwell in Olympus grant you to sack the city of Priam, and to reach your homes in safety; but free my daughter, and accept a ransom for her, in reverence to Apollo, son of Jove." On this the rest of the Achaeans with one voice were for respecting the priest and taking the ransom that he offered; but not so Agamemnon, who spoke fiercely to him and sent him roughly away. "Old man," said he, "let me not find you tarrying about our ships, nor yet coming hereafter. Your sceptre of the god and your wreath shall profit you nothing. I will not free her. She shall grow old in my house at Argos far from her own home, busying herself with her loom and visiting my couch; so go, and do not provoke me or it shall be the worse for you." The old man feared him and obeyed. Not a word he spoke, but went by the shore of the sounding sea and prayed apart to King Apollo whom lovely Leto had borne. "Hear me," he cried, "O god of the silver bow, that protectest Chryse and holy Cilla and rulest Tenedos with thy might, hear me oh thou of Sminthe. If I have ever decked your temple with garlands, or burned your thigh-bones in fat of bulls or goats, grant my prayer, and let your arrows avenge these my tears upon the Danaans." Thus did he pray, and Apollo heard his prayer. He came down furious from the summits of Olympus, with his bow and his quiver upon his shoulder, and the arrows rattled on his back with the rage that trembled within him. He sat himself down away from the ships with a face as dark as night, and his silver bow rang death as he shot his arrow in the midst of them. First he smote their mules and their hounds, but presently he aimed his shafts at the people themselves, and all day long the pyres of the dead were burning. For nine whole days he shot his arrows among the people, but upon the tenth day Achilles called them in assembly- moved thereto by Juno, who saw the Achaeans in their death-throes and had compassion upon them. Then, when they were got together, he rose and spoke among them. "Son of Atreus," said he, "I deem that we should now turn roving home if we would escape destruction, for we are being cut down by war and pestilence at once. Let us ask some priest or prophet, or some reader of dreams (for dreams, too, are of Jove) who can tell us why Phoebus Apollo is so angry, and say whether it is for some vow that we have broken, or hecatomb that we have not offered, and whether he will accept the savour of lambs and goats without blemish, so as to take away the plague from us." With these words he sat down, and Calchas son of Thestor, wisest of augurs, who knew things past present and to come, rose to speak. He it was who had guided the Achaeans with their fleet to Ilius, through the prophesyings with which Phoebus Apollo had inspired him. With all sincerity and goodwill he addressed them thus:- "Achilles, loved of heaven, you bid me tell you about the anger of King Apollo, I will therefore do so; but consider first and swear that you will stand by me heartily in word and deed, for I know that I shall offend one who rules the Argives with might, to whom all the Achaeans are in subjection. A plain man cannot stand against the anger of a king, who if he swallow his displeasure now, will yet nurse revenge till he has wreaked it. Consider, therefore, whether or no you will protect me." And Achilles answered, "Fear not, but speak as it is borne in upon you from heaven, for by Apollo, Calchas, to whom you pray, and whose oracles you reveal to us, not a Danaan at our ships shall lay his hand upon you, while I yet live to look upon the face of the earth- no, not though you name Agamemnon himself, who is by far the foremost of the Achaeans." Thereon the seer spoke boldly. "The god," he said, "is angry neither about vow nor hecatomb, but for his priest's sake, whom Agamemnon has dishonoured, in that he would not free his daughter nor take a ransom for her; therefore has he sent these evils upon us, and will yet send others. He will not deliver the Danaans from this pestilence till Agamemnon has restored the girl without fee or ransom to her father, and has sent a holy hecatomb to Chryse. Thus we may perhaps appease him." With these words he sat down, and Agamemnon rose in anger. His heart was black with rage, and his eyes flashed fire as he scowled on Calchas and said, "Seer of evil, you never yet prophesied smooth things concerning me, but have ever loved to foretell that which was evil. You have brought me neither comfort nor performance; and now you come seeing among Danaans, and saying that Apollo has plagued us because I would not take a ransom for this girl, the daughter of Chryses. I have set my heart on keeping her in my own house, for I love her better even than my own wife Clytemnestra, whose peer she is alike in form and feature, in understanding and accomplishments. Still I will give her up if I must, for I would have the people live, not die; but you must find me a prize instead, or I alone among the Argives shall be without one. This is not well; for you behold, all of you, that my prize is to go elsewhither." And Achilles answered, "Most noble son of Atreus, covetous beyond all mankind, how shall the Achaeans find you another prize? We have no common store from which to take one. Those we took from the cities have been awarded; we cannot disallow the awards that have been made already. Give this girl, therefore, to the god, and if ever Jove grants us to sack the city of Troy we will requite you three and fourfold." Then Agamemnon said, "Achilles, valiant though you be, you shall not thus outwit me. You shall not overreach and you shall not persuade me. Are you to keep your own prize, while I sit tamely under my loss and give up the girl at your bidding? Let the Achaeans find me a prize in fair exchange to my liking, or I will come and take your own, or that of Ajax or of Ulysses; and he to whomsoever I may come shall rue my coming. But of this we will take thought hereafter; for the present, let us draw a ship into the sea, and find a crew for her expressly; let us put a hecatomb on board, and let us send Chryseis also; further, let some chief man among us be in command, either Ajax, or Idomeneus, or yourself, son of Peleus, mighty warrior that you are, that we may offer sacrifice and appease the the anger of the god." Achilles scowled at him and answered, "You are steeped in insolence and lust of gain. With what heart can any of the Achaeans do your bidding, either on foray or in open fighting? I came not warring here for any ill the Trojans had done me. I have no quarrel with them. They have not raided my cattle nor my horses, nor cut down my harvests on the rich plains of Phthia; for between me and them there is a great space, both mountain and sounding sea. We have followed you, Sir Insolence! for your pleasure, not ours- to gain satisfaction from the Trojans for your shameless self and for Menelaus. You forget this, and threaten to rob me of the prize for which I have toiled, and which the sons of the Achaeans have given me. Never when the Achaeans sack any rich city of the Trojans do I receive so good a prize as you do, though it is my hands that do the better part of the fighting. When the sharing comes, your share is far the largest, and I, forsooth, must go back to my ships, take what I can get and be thankful, when my labour of fighting is done. Now, therefore, I shall go back to Phthia; it will be much better for me to return home with my ships, for I will not stay here dishonoured to gather gold and substance for you." And Agamemnon answered, "Fly if you will, I shall make you no prayers to stay you. I have others here who will do me honour, and above all Jove, the lord of counsel. There is no king here so hateful to me as you are, for you are ever quarrelsome and ill affected. What though you be brave? Was it not heaven that made you so? Go home, then, with your ships and comrades to lord it over the Myrmidons. I care neither for you nor for your anger; and thus will I do: since Phoebus Apollo is taking Chryseis from me, I shall send her with my ship and my followers, but I shall come to your tent and take your own prize Briseis, that you may learn how much stronger I am than you are, and that another may fear to set himself up as equal or comparable with me." The son of Peleus was furious, and his heart within his shaggy breast was divided whether to draw his sword, push the others aside, and kill the son of Atreus, or to restrain himself and check his anger. While he was thus in two minds, and was drawing his mighty sword from its scabbard, Minerva came down from heaven (for Juno had sent her in the love she bore to them both), and seized the son of Peleus by his yellow hair, visible to him alone, for of the others no man could see her. Achilles turned in amaze, and by the fire that flashed from her eyes at once knew that she was Minerva. "Why are you here," said he, "daughter of aegis-bearing Jove? To see the pride of Agamemnon, son of Atreus? Let me tell you- and it shall surely be- he shall pay for this insolence with his life." And Minerva said, "I come from heaven, if you will hear me, to bid you stay your anger. Juno has sent me, who cares for both of you alike. Cease, then, this brawling, and do not draw your sword; rail at him if you will, and your railing will not be vain, for I tell you- and it shall surely be- that you shall hereafter receive gifts three times as splendid by reason of this present insult. Hold, therefore, and obey." "Goddess," answered Achilles, "however angry a man may be, he must do as you two command him. This will be best, for the gods ever hear the prayers of him who has obeyed them." He stayed his hand on the silver hilt of his sword, and thrust it back into the scabbard as Minerva bade him. Then she went back to Olympus among the other gods, and to the house of aegis-bearing Jove. But the son of Peleus again began railing at the son of Atreus, for he was still in a rage. "Wine-bibber," he cried, "with the face of a dog and the heart of a hind, you never dare to go out with the host in fight, nor yet with our chosen men in ambuscade. You shun this as you do death itself. You had rather go round and rob his prizes from any man who contradicts you. You devour your people, for you are king over a feeble folk; otherwise, son of Atreus, henceforward you would insult no man. Therefore I say, and swear it with a great oath- nay, by this my sceptre which shalt sprout neither leaf nor shoot, nor bud anew from the day on which it left its parent stem upon the mountains- for the axe stripped it of leaf and bark, and now the sons of the Achaeans bear it as judges and guardians of the decrees of heaven- so surely and solemnly do I swear that hereafter they shall look fondly for Achilles and shall not find him. In the day of your distress, when your men fall dying by the murderous hand of Hector, you shall not know how to help them, and shall rend your heart with rage for the hour when you offered insult to the bravest of the Achaeans." With this the son of Peleus dashed his gold-bestudded sceptre on the ground and took his seat, while the son of Atreus was beginning fiercely from his place upon the other side. Then uprose smooth-tongued Nestor, the facile speaker of the Pylians, and the words fell from his lips sweeter than honey. Two generations of men born and bred in Pylos had passed away under his rule, and he was now reigning over the third. With all sincerity and goodwill, therefore, he addressed them thus:- "Of a truth," he said, "a great sorrow has befallen the Achaean land. Surely Priam with his sons would rejoice, and the Trojans be glad at heart if they could hear this quarrel between you two, who are so excellent in fight and counsel. I am older than either of you; therefore be guided by me. Moreover I have been the familiar friend of men even greater than you are, and they did not disregard my counsels. Never again can I behold such men as Pirithous and Dryas shepherd of his people, or as Caeneus, Exadius, godlike Polyphemus, and Theseus son of Aegeus, peer of the immortals. These were the mightiest men ever born upon this earth: mightiest were they, and when they fought the fiercest tribes of mountain savages they utterly overthrew them. I came from distant Pylos, and went about among them, for they would have me come, and I fought as it was in me to do. Not a man now living could withstand them, but they heard my words, and were persuaded by them. So be it also with yourselves, for this is the more excellent way. Therefore, Agamemnon, though you be strong, take not this girl away, for the sons of the Achaeans have already given her to Achilles; and you, Achilles, strive not further with the king, for no man who by the grace of Jove wields a sceptre has like honour with Agamemnon. You are strong, and have a goddess for your mother; but Agamemnon is stronger than you, for he has more people under him. Son of Atreus, check your anger, I implore you; end this quarrel with Achilles, who in the day of battle is a tower of strength to the Achaeans." And Agamemnon answered, "Sir, all that you have said is true, but this fellow must needs become our lord and master: he must be lord of all, king of all, and captain of all, and this shall hardly be. Granted that the gods have made him a great warrior, have they also given him the right to speak with railing?" Achilles interrupted him. "I should be a mean coward," he cried, "were I to give in to you in all things. Order other people about, not me, for I shall obey no longer. Furthermore I say- and lay my saying to your heart- I shall fight neither you nor any man about this girl, for those that take were those also that gave. But of all else that is at my ship you shall carry away nothing by force. Try, that others may see; if you do, my spear shall be reddened with your blood." When they had quarrelled thus angrily, they rose, and broke up the assembly at the ships of the Achaeans. The son of Peleus went back to his tents and ships with the son of Menoetius and his company, while Agamemnon drew a vessel into the water and chose a crew of twenty oarsmen. He escorted Chryseis on board and sent moreover a hecatomb for the god. And Ulysses went as captain. These, then, went on board and sailed their ways over the sea. But the son of Atreus bade the people purify themselves; so they purified themselves and cast their filth into the sea. Then they offered hecatombs of bulls and goats without blemish on the sea-shore, and the smoke with the savour of their sacrifice rose curling up towards heaven. Thus did they busy themselves throughout the host. But Agamemnon did not forget the threat that he had made Achilles, and called his trusty messengers and squires Talthybius and Eurybates. "Go," said he, "to the tent of Achilles, son of Peleus; take Briseis by the hand and bring her hither; if he will not give her I shall come with others and take her- which will press him harder." He charged them straightly further and dismissed them, whereon they went their way sorrowfully by the seaside, till they came to the tents and ships of the Myrmidons. They found Achilles sitting by his tent and his ships, and ill-pleased he was when he beheld them. They stood fearfully and reverently before him, and never a word did they speak, but he knew them and said, "Welcome, heralds, messengers of gods and men; draw near; my quarrel is not with you but with Agamemnon who has sent you for the girl Briseis. Therefore, Patroclus, bring her and give her to them, but let them be witnesses by the blessed gods, by mortal men, and by the fierceness of Agamemnon's anger, that if ever again there be need of me to save the people from ruin, they shall seek and they shall not find. Agamemnon is mad with rage and knows not how to look before and after that the Achaeans may fight by their ships in safety." Patroclus did as his dear comrade had bidden him. He brought Briseis from the tent and gave her over to the heralds, who took her with them to the ships of the Achaeans- and the woman was loth to go. Then Achilles went all alone by the side of the hoar sea, weeping and looking out upon the boundless waste of waters. He raised his hands in prayer to his immortal mother, "Mother," he cried, "you bore me doomed to live but for a little season; surely Jove, who thunders from Olympus, might have made that little glorious. It is not so. Agamemnon, son of Atreus, has done me dishonour, and has robbed me of my prize by force." As he spoke he wept aloud, and his mother heard him where she was sitting in the depths of the sea hard by the old man her father. Forthwith she rose as it were a grey mist out of the waves, sat down before him as he stood weeping, caressed him with her hand, and said, "My son, why are you weeping? What is it that grieves you? Keep it not from me, but tell me, that we may know it together." Achilles drew a deep sigh and said, "You know it; why tell you what you know well already? We went to Thebe the strong city of Eetion, sacked it, and brought hither the spoil. The sons of the Achaeans shared it duly among themselves, and chose lovely Chryseis as the meed of Agamemnon; but Chryses, priest of Apollo, came to the ships of the Achaeans to free his daughter, and brought with him a great ransom: moreover he bore in his hand the sceptre of Apollo, wreathed with a suppliant's wreath, and he besought the Achaeans, but most of all the two sons of Atreus who were their chiefs. "On this the rest of the Achaeans with one voice were for respecting the priest and taking the ransom that he offered; but not so Agamemnon, who spoke fiercely to him and sent him roughly away. So he went back in anger, and Apollo, who loved him dearly, heard his prayer. Then the god sent a deadly dart upon the Argives, and the people died thick on one another, for the arrows went everywhither among the wide host of the Achaeans. At last a seer in the fulness of his knowledge declared to us the oracles of Apollo, and I was myself first to say that we should appease him. Whereon the son of Atreus rose in anger, and threatened that which he has since done. The Achaeans are now taking the girl in a ship to Chryse, and sending gifts of sacrifice to the god; but the heralds have just taken from my tent the daughter of Briseus, whom the Achaeans had awarded to myself. "Help your brave son, therefore, if you are able. Go to Olympus, and if you have ever done him service in word or deed, implore the aid of Jove. Ofttimes in my father's house have I heard you glory in that you alone of the immortals saved the son of Saturn from ruin, when the others, with Juno, Neptune, and Pallas Minerva would have put him in bonds. It was you, goddess, who delivered him by calling to Olympus the hundred-handed monster whom gods call Briareus, but men Aegaeon, for he is stronger even than his father; when therefore he took his seat all-glorious beside the son of Saturn, the other gods were afraid, and did not bind him. Go, then, to him, remind him of all this, clasp his knees, and bid him give succour to the Trojans. Let the Achaeans be hemmed in at the sterns of their ships, and perish on the sea-shore, that they may reap what joy they may of their king, and that Agamemnon may rue his blindness in offering insult to the foremost of the Achaeans." Thetis wept and answered, "My son, woe is me that I should have borne or suckled you. Would indeed that you had lived your span free from all sorrow at your ships, for it is all too brief; alas, that you should be at once short of life and long of sorrow above your peers: woe, therefore, was the hour in which I bore you; nevertheless I will go to the snowy heights of Olympus, and tell this tale to Jove, if he will hear our prayer: meanwhile stay where you are with your ships, nurse your anger against the Achaeans, and hold aloof from fight. For Jove went yesterday to Oceanus, to a feast among the Ethiopians, and the other gods went with him. He will return to Olympus twelve days hence; I will then go to his mansion paved with bronze and will beseech him; nor do I doubt that I shall be able to persuade him." On this she left him, still furious at the loss of her that had been taken from him. Meanwhile Ulysses reached Chryse with the hecatomb. When they had come inside the harbour they furled the sails and laid them in the ship's hold; they slackened the forestays, lowered the mast into its place, and rowed the ship to the place where they would have her lie; there they cast out their mooring-stones and made fast the hawsers. They then got out upon the sea-shore and landed the hecatomb for Apollo; Chryseis also left the ship, and Ulysses led her to the altar to deliver her into the hands of her father. "Chryses," said he, "King Agamemnon has sent me to bring you back your child, and to offer sacrifice to Apollo on behalf of the Danaans, that we may propitiate the god, who has now brought sorrow upon the Argives." So saying he gave the girl over to her father, who received her gladly, and they ranged the holy hecatomb all orderly round the altar of the god. They washed their hands and took up the barley-meal to sprinkle over the victims, while Chryses lifted up his hands and prayed aloud on their behalf. "Hear me," he cried, "O god of the silver bow, that protectest Chryse and holy Cilla, and rulest Tenedos with thy might. Even as thou didst hear me aforetime when I prayed, and didst press hardly upon the Achaeans, so hear me yet again, and stay this fearful pestilence from the Danaans." Thus did he pray, and Apollo heard his prayer. When they had done praying and sprinkling the barley-meal, they drew back the heads of the victims and killed and flayed them. They cut out the thigh-bones, wrapped them round in two layers of fat, set some pieces of raw meat on the top of them, and then Chryses laid them on the wood fire and poured wine over them, while the young men stood near him with five-pronged spits in their hands. When the thigh-bones were burned and they had tasted the inward meats, they cut the rest up small, put the pieces upon the spits, roasted them till they were done, and drew them off: then, when they had finished their work and the feast was ready, they ate it, and every man had his full share, so that all were satisfied. As soon as they had had enough to eat and drink, pages filled the mixing-bowl with wine and water and handed it round, after giving every man his drink-offering. Thus all day long the young men worshipped the god with song, hymning him and chaunting the joyous paean, and the god took pleasure in their voices; but when the sun went down, and it came on dark, they laid themselves down to sleep by the stern cables of the ship, and when the child of morning, rosy-fingered Dawn, appeared they again set sail for the host of the Achaeans. Apollo sent them a fair wind, so they raised their mast and hoisted their white sails aloft. As the sail bellied with the wind the ship flew through the deep blue water, and the foam hissed against her bows as she sped onward. When they reached the wide-stretching host of the Achaeans, they drew the vessel ashore, high and dry upon the sands, set her strong props beneath her, and went their ways to their own tents and ships. But Achilles abode at his ships and nursed his anger. He went not to the honourable assembly, and sallied not forth to fight, but gnawed at his own heart, pining for battle and the war-cry. Now after twelve days the immortal gods came back in a body to Olympus, and Jove led the way. Thetis was not unmindful of the charge her son had laid upon her, so she rose from under the sea and went through great heaven with early morning to Olympus, where she found the mighty son of Saturn sitting all alone upon its topmost ridges. She sat herself down before him, and with her left hand seized his knees, while with her right she caught him under the chin, and besought him, saying- "Father Jove, if I ever did you service in word or deed among the immortals, hear my prayer, and do honour to my son, whose life is to be cut short so early. King Agamemnon has dishonoured him by taking his prize and keeping her. Honour him then yourself, Olympian lord of counsel, and grant victory to the Trojans, till the Achaeans give my son his due and load him with riches in requital." Jove sat for a while silent, and without a word, but Thetis still kept firm hold of his knees, and besought him a second time. "Incline your head," said she, "and promise me surely, or else deny me- for you have nothing to fear- that I may learn how greatly you disdain me." At this Jove was much troubled and answered, "I shall have trouble if you set me quarrelling with Juno, for she will provoke me with her taunting speeches; even now she is always railing at me before the other gods and accusing me of giving aid to the Trojans. Go back now, lest she should find out. I will consider the matter, and will bring it about as wish. See, I incline my head that you believe me. This is the most solemn that I can give to any god. I never recall my word, or deceive, or fail to do what I say, when I have nodded my head." As he spoke the son of Saturn bowed his dark brows, and the ambrosial locks swayed on his immortal head, till vast Olympus reeled. When the pair had thus laid their plans, they parted- Jove to his house, while the goddess quitted the splendour of Olympus, and plunged into the depths of the sea. The gods rose from their seats, before the coming of their sire. Not one of them dared to remain sitting, but all stood up as he came among them. There, then, he took his seat. But Juno, when she saw him, knew that he and the old merman's daughter, silver-footed Thetis, had been hatching mischief, so she at once began to upbraid him. "Trickster," she cried, "which of the gods have you been taking into your counsels now? You are always settling matters in secret behind my back, and have never yet told me, if you could help it, one word of your intentions." "Juno," replied the sire of gods and men, "you must not expect to be informed of all my counsels. You are my wife, but you would find it hard to understand them. When it is proper for you to hear, there is no one, god or man, who will be told sooner, but when I mean to keep a matter to myself, you must not pry nor ask questions." "Dread son of Saturn," answered Juno, "what are you talking about? I? Pry and ask questions? Never. I let you have your own way in everything. Still, I have a strong misgiving that the old merman's daughter Thetis has been talking you over, for she was with you and had hold of your knees this self-same morning. I believe, therefore, that you have been promising her to give glory to Achilles, and to kill much people at the ships of the Achaeans." "Wife," said Jove, "I can do nothing but you suspect me and find it out. You will take nothing by it, for I shall only dislike you the more, and it will go harder with you. Granted that it is as you say; I mean to have it so; sit down and hold your tongue as I bid you for if I once begin to lay my hands about you, though all heaven were on your side it would profit you nothing." On this Juno was frightened, so she curbed her stubborn will and sat down in silence. But the heavenly beings were disquieted throughout the house of Jove, till the cunning workman Vulcan began to try and pacify his mother Juno. "It will be intolerable," said he, "if you two fall to wrangling and setting heaven in an uproar about a pack of mortals. If such ill counsels are to prevail, we shall have no pleasure at our banquet. Let me then advise my mother- and she must herself know that it will be better- to make friends with my dear father Jove, lest he again scold her and disturb our feast. If the Olympian Thunderer wants to hurl us all from our seats, he can do so, for he is far the strongest, so give him fair words, and he will then soon be in a good humour with us." As he spoke, he took a double cup of nectar, and placed it in his mother's hand. "Cheer up, my dear mother," said he, "and make the best of it. I love you dearly, and should be very sorry to see you get a thrashing; however grieved I might be, I could not help for there is no standing against Jove. Once before when I was trying to help you, he caught me by the foot and flung me from the heavenly threshold. All day long from morn till eve, was I falling, till at sunset I came to ground in the island of Lemnos, and there I lay, with very little life left in me, till the Sintians came and tended me." Juno smiled at this, and as she smiled she took the cup from her son's hands. Then Vulcan drew sweet nectar from the mixing-bowl, and served it round among the gods, going from left to right; and the blessed gods laughed out a loud applause as they saw him ing bustling about the heavenly mansion. Thus through the livelong day to the going down of the sun they feasted, and every one had his full share, so that all were satisfied. Apollo struck his lyre, and the Muses lifted up their sweet voices, calling and answering one another. But when the sun's glorious light had faded, they went home to bed, each in his own abode, which lame Vulcan with his consummate skill had fashioned for them. So Jove, the Olympian Lord of Thunder, hied him to the bed in which he always slept; and when he had got on to it he went to sleep, with Juno of the golden throne by his side. Now the other gods and the armed warriors on the plain slept soundly, but Jove was wakeful, for he was thinking how to do honour to Achilles, and destroyed much people at the ships of the Achaeans. In the end he deemed it would be best to send a lying dream to King Agamemnon; so he called one to him and said to it, "Lying Dream, go to the ships of the Achaeans, into the tent of Agamemnon, and say to him word to word as I now bid you. Tell him to get the Achaeans instantly under arms, for he shall take Troy. There are no longer divided counsels among the gods; Juno has brought them to her own mind, and woe betides the Trojans." The dream went when it had heard its message, and soon reached the ships of the Achaeans. It sought Agamemnon son of Atreus and found him in his tent, wrapped in a profound slumber. It hovered over his head in the likeness of Nestor, son of Neleus, whom Agamemnon honoured above all his councillors, and said:- "You are sleeping, son of Atreus; one who has the welfare of his host and so much other care upon his shoulders should dock his sleep. Hear me at once, for I come as a messenger from Jove, who, though he be not near, yet takes thought for you and pities you. He bids you get the Achaeans instantly under arms, for you shall take Troy. There are no longer divided counsels among the gods; Juno has brought them over to her own mind, and woe betides the Trojans at the hands of Jove. Remember this, and when you wake see that it does not escape you." The dream then left him, and he thought of things that were, surely not to be accomplished. He thought that on that same day he was to take the city of Priam, but he little knew what was in the mind of Jove, who had many another hard-fought fight in store alike for Danaans and Trojans. Then presently he woke, with the divine message still ringing in his ears; so he sat upright, and put on his soft shirt so fair and new, and over this his heavy cloak. He bound his sandals on to his comely feet, and slung his silver-studded sword about his shoulders; then he took the imperishable staff of his father, and sallied forth to the ships of the Achaeans. The goddess Dawn now wended her way to vast Olympus that she might herald day to Jove and to the other immortals, and Agamemnon sent the criers round to call the people in assembly; so they called them and the people gathered thereon. But first he summoned a meeting of the elders at the ship of Nestor king of Pylos, and when they were assembled he laid a cunning counsel before them. "My friends," said he, "I have had a dream from heaven in the dead of night, and its face and figure resembled none but Nestor's. It hovered over my head and said, 'You are sleeping, son of Atreus; one who has the welfare of his host and so much other care upon his shoulders should dock his sleep. Hear me at once, for I am a messenger from Jove, who, though he be not near, yet takes thought for you and pities you. He bids you get the Achaeans instantly under arms, for you shall take Troy. There are no longer divided counsels among the gods; Juno has brought them over to her own mind, and woe betides the Trojans at the hands of Jove. Remember this.' The dream then vanished and I awoke. Let us now, therefore, arm the sons of the Achaeans. But it will be well that I should first sound them, and to this end I will tell them to fly with their ships; but do you others go about among the host and prevent their doing so." He then sat down, and Nestor the prince of Pylos with all sincerity and goodwill addressed them thus: "My friends," said he, "princes and councillors of the Argives, if any other man of the Achaeans had told us of this dream we should have declared it false, and would have had nothing to do with it. But he who has seen it is the foremost man among us; we must therefore set about getting the people under arms." With this he led the way from the assembly, and the other sceptred kings rose with him in obedience to the word of Agamemnon; but the people pressed forward to hear. They swarmed like bees that sally from some hollow cave and flit in countless throng among the spring flowers, bunched in knots and clusters; even so did the mighty multitude pour from ships and tents to the assembly, and range themselves upon the wide-watered shore, while among them ran Wildfire Rumour, messenger of Jove, urging them ever to the fore. Thus they gathered in a pell-mell of mad confusion, and the earth groaned under the tramp of men as the people sought their places. Nine heralds went crying about among them to stay their tumult and bid them listen to the kings, till at last they were got into their several places and ceased their clamour. Then King Agamemnon rose, holding his sceptre. This was the work of Vulcan, who gave it to Jove the son of Saturn. Jove gave it to Mercury, slayer of Argus, guide and guardian. King Mercury gave it to Pelops, the mighty charioteer, and Pelops to Atreus, shepherd of his people. Atreus, when he died, left it to Thyestes, rich in flocks, and Thyestes in his turn left it to be borne by Agamemnon, that he might be lord of all Argos and of the isles. Leaning, then, on his sceptre, he addressed the Argives. "My friends," he said, "heroes, servants of Mars, the hand of heaven has been laid heavily upon me. Cruel Jove gave me his solemn promise that I should sack the city of Priam before returning, but he has played me false, and is now bidding me go ingloriously back to Argos with the loss of much people. Such is the will of Jove, who has laid many a proud city in the dust, as he will yet lay others, for his power is above all. It will be a sorry tale hereafter that an Achaean host, at once so great and valiant, battled in vain against men fewer in number than themselves; but as yet the end is not in sight. Think that the Achaeans and Trojans have sworn to a solemn covenant, and that they have each been numbered- the Trojans by the roll of their householders, and we by companies of ten; think further that each of our companies desired to have a Trojan householder to pour out their wine; we are so greatly more in number that full many a company would have to go without its cup-bearer. But they have in the town allies from other places, and it is these that hinder me from being able to sack the rich city of Ilius. Nine of Jove years are gone; the timbers of our ships have rotted; their tackling is sound no longer. Our wives and little ones at home look anxiously for our coming, but the work that we came hither to do has not been done. Now, therefore, let us all do as I say: let us sail back to our own land, for we shall not take Troy." With these words he moved the hearts of the multitude, so many of them as knew not the cunning counsel of Agamemnon. They surged to and fro like the waves of the Icarian Sea, when the east and south winds break from heaven's clouds to lash them; or as when the west wind sweeps over a field of corn and the ears bow beneath the blast, even so were they swayed as they flew with loud cries towards the ships, and the dust from under their feet rose heavenward. They cheered each other on to draw the ships into the sea; they cleared the channels in front of them; they began taking away the stays from underneath them, and the welkin rang with their glad cries, so eager were they to return. Then surely the Argives would have returned after a fashion that was not fated. But Juno said to Minerva, "Alas, daughter of aegis-bearing Jove, unweariable, shall the Argives fly home to their own land over the broad sea, and leave Priam and the Trojans the glory of still keeping Helen, for whose sake so many of the Achaeans have died at Troy, far from their homes? Go about at once among the host, and speak fairly to them, man by man, that they draw not their ships into the sea." Minerva was not slack to do her bidding. Down she darted from the topmost summits of Olympus, and in a moment she was at the ships of the Achaeans. There she found Ulysses, peer of Jove in counsel, standing alone. He had not as yet laid a hand upon his ship, for he was grieved and sorry; so she went close up to him and said, "Ulysses, noble son of Laertes, are you going to fling yourselves into your ships and be off home to your own land in this way? Will you leave Priam and the Trojans the glory of still keeping Helen, for whose sake so many of the Achaeans have died at Troy, far from their homes? Go about at once among the host, and speak fairly to them, man by man, that they draw not their ships into the sea." Ulysses knew the voice as that of the goddess: he flung his cloak from him and set off to run. His servant Eurybates, a man of Ithaca, who waited on him, took charge of the cloak, whereon Ulysses went straight up to Agamemnon and received from him his ancestral, imperishable staff. With this he went about among the ships of the Achaeans. Whenever he met a king or chieftain, he stood by him and spoke him fairly. "Sir," said he, "this flight is cowardly and unworthy. Stand to your post, and bid your people also keep their places. You do not yet know the full mind of Agamemnon; he was sounding us, and ere long will visit the Achaeans with his displeasure. We were not all of us at the council to hear what he then said; see to it lest he be angry and do us a mischief; for the pride of kings is great, and the hand of Jove is with them." But when he came across any common man who was making a noise, he struck him with his staff and rebuked him, saying, "Sirrah, hold your peace, and listen to better men than yourself. You are a coward and no soldier; you are nobody either in fight or council; we cannot all be kings; it is not well that there should be many masters; one man must be supreme- one king to whom the son of scheming Saturn has given the sceptre of sovereignty over you all." Thus masterfully did he go about among the host, and the people hurried back to the council from their tents and ships with a sound as the thunder of surf when it comes crashing down upon the shore, and all the sea is in an uproar. The rest now took their seats and kept to their own several places, but Thersites still went on wagging his unbridled tongue- a man of many words, and those unseemly; a monger of sedition, a railer against all who were in authority, who cared not what he said, so that he might set the Achaeans in a laugh. He was the ugliest man of all those that came before Troy- bandy-legged, lame of one foot, with his two shoulders rounded and hunched over his chest. His head ran up to a point, but there was little hair on the top of it. Achilles and Ulysses hated him worst of all, for it was with them that he was most wont to wrangle; now, however, with a shrill squeaky voice he began heaping his abuse on Agamemnon. The Achaeans were angry and disgusted, yet none the less he kept on brawling and bawling at the son of Atreus. "Agamemnon," he cried, "what ails you now, and what more do you want? Your tents are filled with bronze and with fair women, for whenever we take a town we give you the pick of them. Would you have yet more gold, which some Trojan is to give you as a ransom for his son, when I or another Achaean has taken him prisoner? or is it some young girl to hide and lie with? It is not well that you, the ruler of the Achaeans, should bring them into such misery. Weakling cowards, women rather than men, let us sail home, and leave this fellow here at Troy to stew in his own meeds of honour, and discover whether we were of any service to him or no. Achilles is a much better man than he is, and see how he has treated him- robbing him of his prize and keeping it himself. Achilles takes it meekly and shows no fight; if he did, son of Atreus, you would never again insult him." Thus railed Thersites, but Ulysses at once went up to him and rebuked him sternly. "Check your glib tongue, Thersites," said be, "and babble not a word further. Chide not with princes when you have none to back you. There is no viler creature come before Troy with the sons of Atreus. Drop this chatter about kings, and neither revile them nor keep harping about going home. We do not yet know how things are going to be, nor whether the Achaeans are to return with good success or evil. How dare you gibe at Agamemnon because the Danaans have awarded him so many prizes? I tell you, therefore- and it shall surely be- that if I again catch you talking such nonsense, I will either forfeit my own head and be no more called father of Telemachus, or I will take you, strip you stark naked, and whip you out of the assembly till you go blubbering back to the ships." On this he beat him with his staff about the back and shoulders till he dropped and fell a-weeping. The golden sceptre raised a bloody weal on his back, so he sat down frightened and in pain, looking foolish as he wiped the tears from his eyes. The people were sorry for him, yet they laughed heartily, and one would turn to his neighbour saying, "Ulysses has done many a good thing ere now in fight and council, but he never did the Argives a better turn than when he stopped this fellow's mouth from prating further. He will give the kings no more of his insolence." Thus said the people. Then Ulysses rose, sceptre in hand, and Minerva in the likeness of a herald bade the people be still, that those who were far off might hear him and consider his council. He therefore with all sincerity and goodwill addressed them thus:- "King Agamemnon, the Achaeans are for making you a by-word among all mankind. They forget the promise they made you when they set out from Argos, that you should not return till you had sacked the town of Troy, and, like children or widowed women, they murmur and would set off homeward. True it is that they have had toil enough to be disheartened. A man chafes at having to stay away from his wife even for a single month, when he is on shipboard, at the mercy of wind and sea, but it is now nine long years that we have been kept here; I cannot, therefore, blame the Achaeans if they turn restive; still we shall be shamed if we go home empty after so long a stay- therefore, my friends, be patient yet a little longer that we may learn whether the prophesyings of Calchas were false or true. "All who have not since perished must remember as though it were yesterday or the day before, how the ships of the Achaeans were detained in Aulis when we were on our way hither to make war on Priam and the Trojans. We were ranged round about a fountain offering hecatombs to the gods upon their holy altars, and there was a fine plane-tree from beneath which there welled a stream of pure water. Then we saw a prodigy; for Jove sent a fearful serpent out of the ground, with blood-red stains upon its back, and it darted from under the altar on to the plane-tree. Now there was a brood of young sparrows, quite small, upon the topmost bough, peeping out from under the leaves, eight in all, and their mother that hatched them made nine. The serpent ate the poor cheeping things, while the old bird flew about lamenting her little ones; but the serpent threw his coils about her and caught her by the wing as she was screaming. Then, when he had eaten both the sparrow and her young, the god who had sent him made him become a sign; for the son of scheming Saturn turned him into stone, and we stood there wondering at that which had come to pass. Seeing, then, that such a fearful portent had broken in upon our hecatombs, Calchas forthwith declared to us the oracles of heaven. 'Why, Achaeans,' said he, 'are you thus speechless? Jove has sent us this sign, long in coming, and long ere it be fulfilled, though its fame shall last for ever. As the serpent ate the eight fledglings and the sparrow that hatched them, which makes nine, so shall we fight nine years at Troy, but in the tenth shall take the town.' This was what he said, and now it is all coming true. Stay here, therefore, all of you, till we take the city of Priam." On this the Argives raised a shout, till the ships rang again with the uproar. Nestor, knight of Gerene, then addressed them. "Shame on you," he cried, "to stay talking here like children, when you should fight like men. Where are our covenants now, and where the oaths that we have taken? Shall our counsels be flung into the fire, with our drink-offerings and the right hands of fellowship wherein we have put our trust? We waste our time in words, and for all our talking here shall be no further forward. Stand, therefore, son of Atreus, by your own steadfast purpose; lead the Argives on to battle, and leave this handful of men to rot, who scheme, and scheme in vain, to get back to Argos ere they have learned whether Jove be true or a liar. For the mighty son of Saturn surely promised that we should succeed, when we Argives set sail to bring death and destruction upon the Trojans. He showed us favourable signs by flashing his lightning on our right hands; therefore let none make haste to go till he has first lain with the wife of some Trojan, and avenged the toil and sorrow that he has suffered for the sake of Helen. Nevertheless, if any man is in such haste to be at home again, let him lay his hand to his ship that he may meet his doom in the sight of all. But, O king, consider and give ear to my counsel, for the word that I say may not be neglected lightly. Divide your men, Agamemnon, into their several tribes and clans, that clans and tribes may stand by and help one another. If you do this, and if the Achaeans obey you, you will find out who, both chiefs and peoples, are brave, and who are cowards; for they will vie against the other. Thus you shall also learn whether it is through the counsel of heaven or the cowardice of man that you shall fail to take the town." And Agamemnon answered, "Nestor, you have again outdone the sons of the Achaeans in counsel. Would, by Father Jove, Minerva, and Apollo, that I had among them ten more such councillors, for the city of King Priam would then soon fall beneath our hands, and we should sack it. But the son of Saturn afflicts me with bootless wranglings and strife. Achilles and I are quarrelling about this girl, in which matter I was the first to offend; if we can be of one mind again, the Trojans will not stave off destruction for a day. Now, therefore, get your morning meal, that our hosts join in fight. Whet well your spears; see well to the ordering of your shields; give good feeds to your horses, and look your chariots carefully over, that we may do battle the livelong day; for we shall have no rest, not for a moment, till night falls to part us. The bands that bear your shields shall be wet with the sweat upon your shoulders, your hands shall weary upon your spears, your horses shall steam in front of your chariots, and if I see any man shirking the fight, or trying to keep out of it at the ships, there shall be no help for him, but he shall be a prey to dogs and vultures." Thus he spoke, and the Achaeans roared applause. As when the waves run high before the blast of the south wind and break on some lofty headland, dashing against it and buffeting it without ceasing, as the storms from every quarter drive them, even so did the Achaeans rise and hurry in all directions to their ships. There they lighted their fires at their tents and got dinner, offering sacrifice every man to one or other of the gods, and praying each one of them that he might live to come out of the fight. Agamemnon, king of men, sacrificed a fat five-year-old bull to the mighty son of Saturn, and invited the princes and elders of his host. First he asked Nestor and King Idomeneus, then the two Ajaxes and the son of Tydeus, and sixthly Ulysses, peer of gods in counsel; but Menelaus came of his own accord, for he knew how busy his brother then was. They stood round the bull with the barley-meal in their hands, and Agamemnon prayed, saying, "Jove, most glorious, supreme, that dwellest in heaven, and ridest upon the storm-cloud, grant that the sun may not go down, nor the night fall, till the palace of Priam is laid low, and its gates are consumed with fire. Grant that my sword may pierce the shirt of Hector about his heart, and that full many of his comrades may bite the dust as they fall dying round him." Thus he prayed, but the son of Saturn would not fulfil his prayer. He accepted the sacrifice, yet none the less increased their toil continually. When they had done praying and sprinkling the barley-meal upon the victim, they drew back its head, killed it, and then flayed it. They cut out the thigh-bones, wrapped them round in two layers of fat, and set pieces of raw meat on the top of them. These they burned upon the split logs of firewood, but they spitted the inward meats, and held them in the flames to cook. When the thigh-bones were burned, and they had tasted the inward meats, they cut the rest up small, put the pieces upon spits, roasted them till they were done, and drew them off; then, when they had finished their work and the feast was ready, they ate it, and every man had his full share, so that all were satisfied. As soon as they had had enough to eat and drink, Nestor, knight of Gerene, began to speak. "King Agamemnon," said he, "let us not stay talking here, nor be slack in the work that heaven has put into our hands. Let the heralds summon the people to gather at their several ships; we will then go about among the host, that we may begin fighting at once." Thus did he speak, and Agamemnon heeded his words. He at once sent the criers round to call the people in assembly. So they called them, and the people gathered thereon. The chiefs about the son of Atreus chose their men and marshalled them, while Minerva went among them holding her priceless aegis that knows neither age nor death. From it there waved a hundred tassels of pure gold, all deftly woven, and each one of them worth a hundred oxen. With this she darted furiously everywhere among the hosts of the Achaeans, urging them forward, and putting courage into the heart of each, so that he might fight and do battle without ceasing. Thus war became sweeter in their eyes even than returning home in their ships. As when some great forest fire is raging upon a mountain top and its light is seen afar, even so as they marched the gleam of their armour flashed up into the firmament of heaven. They were like great flocks of geese, or cranes, or swans on the plain about the waters of Cayster, that wing their way hither and thither, glorying in the pride of flight, and crying as they settle till the fen is alive with their screaming. Even thus did their tribes pour from ships and tents on to the plain of the Scamander, and the ground rang as brass under the feet of men and horses. They stood as thick upon the flower-bespangled field as leaves that bloom in summer. As countless swarms of flies buzz around a herdsman's homestead in the time of spring when the pails are drenched with milk, even so did the Achaeans swarm on to the plain to charge the Trojans and destroy them. The chiefs disposed their men this way and that before the fight began, drafting them out as easily as goatherds draft their flocks when they have got mixed while feeding; and among them went King Agamemnon, with a head and face like Jove the lord of thunder, a waist like Mars, and a chest like that of Neptune. As some great bull that lords it over the herds upon the plain, even so did Jove make the son of Atreus stand peerless among the multitude of heroes. And now, O Muses, dwellers in the mansions of Olympus, tell me- for you are goddesses and are in all places so that you see all things, while we know nothing but by report- who were the chiefs and princes of the Danaans? As for the common soldiers, they were so that I could not name every single one of them though I had ten tongues, and though my voice failed not and my heart were of bronze within me, unless you, O Olympian Muses, daughters of aegis-bearing Jove, were to recount them to me. Nevertheless, I will tell the captains of the ships and all the fleet together. Peneleos, Leitus, Arcesilaus, Prothoenor, and Clonius were captains of the Boeotians. These were they that dwelt in Hyria and rocky Aulis, and who held Schoenus, Scolus, and the highlands of Eteonus, with Thespeia, Graia, and the fair city of Mycalessus. They also held Harma, Eilesium, and Erythrae; and they had Eleon, Hyle, and Peteon; Ocalea and the strong fortress of Medeon; Copae, Eutresis, and Thisbe the haunt of doves; Coronea, and the pastures of Haliartus; Plataea and Glisas; the fortress of Thebes the less; holy Onchestus with its famous grove of Neptune; Arne rich in vineyards; Midea, sacred Nisa, and Anthedon upon the sea. From these there came fifty ships, and in each there were a hundred and twenty young men of the Boeotians. Ascalaphus and Ialmenus, sons of Mars, led the people that dwelt in Aspledon and Orchomenus the realm of Minyas. Astyoche a noble maiden bore them in the house of Actor son of Azeus; for she had gone with Mars secretly into an upper chamber, and he had lain with her. With these there came thirty ships. The Phoceans were led by Schedius and Epistrophus, sons of mighty Iphitus the son of Naubolus. These were they that held Cyparissus, rocky Pytho, holy Crisa, Daulis, and Panopeus; they also that dwelt in Anemorea and Hyampolis, and about the waters of the river Cephissus, and Lilaea by the springs of the Cephissus; with their chieftains came forty ships, and they marshalled the forces of the Phoceans, which were stationed next to the Boeotians, on their left. Ajax, the fleet son of Oileus, commanded the Locrians. He was not so great, nor nearly so great, as Ajax the son of Telamon. He was a little man, and his breastplate was made of linen, but in use of the spear he excelled all the Hellenes and the Achaeans. These dwelt in Cynus, Opous, Calliarus, Bessa, Scarphe, fair Augeae, Tarphe, and Thronium about the river Boagrius. With him there came forty ships of the Locrians who dwell beyond Euboea. The fierce Abantes held Euboea with its cities, Chalcis, Eretria, Histiaea rich in vines, Cerinthus upon the sea, and the rock-perched town of Dium; with them were also the men of Carystus and Styra; Elephenor of the race of Mars was in command of these; he was son of Chalcodon, and chief over all the Abantes. With him they came, fleet of foot and wearing their hair long behind, brave warriors, who would ever strive to tear open the corslets of their foes with their long ashen spears. Of these there came fifty ships. And they that held the strong city of Athens, the people of great Erechtheus, who was born of the soil itself, but Jove's daughter, Minerva, fostered him, and established him at Athens in her own rich sanctuary. There, year by year, the Athenian youths worship him with sacrifices of bulls and rams. These were commanded by Menestheus, son of Peteos. No man living could equal him in the marshalling of chariots and foot soldiers. Nestor could alone rival him, for he was older. With him there came fifty ships. Ajax brought twelve ships from Salamis, and stationed them alongside those of the Athenians. The men of Argos, again, and those who held the walls of Tiryns, with Hermione, and Asine upon the gulf; Troezene, Eionae, and the vineyard lands of Epidaurus; the Achaean youths, moreover, who came from Aegina and Mases; these were led by Diomed of the loud battle-cry, and Sthenelus son of famed Capaneus. With them in command was Euryalus, son of king Mecisteus, son of Talaus; but Diomed was chief over them all. With these there came eighty ships. Those who held the strong city of Mycenae, rich Corinth and Cleonae; Orneae, Araethyrea, and Licyon, where Adrastus reigned of old; Hyperesia, high Gonoessa, and Pellene; Aegium and all the coast-land round about Helice; these sent a hundred ships under the command of King Agamemnon, son of Atreus. His force was far both finest and most numerous, and in their midst was the king himself, all glorious in his armour of gleaming bronze- foremost among the heroes, for he was the greatest king, and had most men under him. And those that dwelt in Lacedaemon, lying low among the hills, Pharis, Sparta, with Messe the haunt of doves; Bryseae, Augeae, Amyclae, and Helos upon the sea; Laas, moreover, and Oetylus; these were led by Menelaus of the loud battle-cry, brother to Agamemnon, and of them there were sixty ships, drawn up apart from the others. Among them went Menelaus himself, strong in zeal, urging his men to fight; for he longed to avenge the toil and sorrow that he had suffered for the sake of Helen. The men of Pylos and Arene, and Thryum where is the ford of the river Alpheus; strong Aipy, Cyparisseis, and Amphigenea; Pteleum, Helos, and Dorium, where the Muses met Thamyris, and stilled his minstrelsy for ever. He was returning from Oechalia, where Eurytus lived and reigned, and boasted that he would surpass even the Muses, daughters of aegis-bearing Jove, if they should sing against him; whereon they were angry, and maimed him. They robbed him of his divine power of song, and thenceforth he could strike the lyre no more. These were commanded by Nestor, knight of Gerene, and with him there came ninety ships. And those that held Arcadia, under the high mountain of Cyllene, near the tomb of Aepytus, where the people fight hand to hand; the men of Pheneus also, and Orchomenus rich in flocks; of Rhipae, Stratie, and bleak Enispe; of Tegea and fair Mantinea; of Stymphelus and Parrhasia; of these King Agapenor son of Ancaeus was commander, and they had sixty ships. Many Arcadians, good soldiers, came in each one of them, but Agamemnon found them the ships in which to cross the sea, for they were not a people that occupied their business upon the waters. The men, moreover, of Buprasium and of Elis, so much of it as is enclosed between Hyrmine, Myrsinus upon the sea-shore, the rock Olene and Alesium. These had four leaders, and each of them had ten ships, with many Epeans on board. Their captains were Amphimachus and Thalpius- the one, son of Cteatus, and the other, of Eurytus- both of the race of Actor. The two others were Diores, son of Amarynces, and Polyxenus, son of King Agasthenes, son of Augeas. And those of Dulichium with the sacred Echinean islands, who dwelt beyond the sea off Elis; these were led by Meges, peer of Mars, and the son of valiant Phyleus, dear to Jove, who quarrelled with his father, and went to settle in Dulichium. With him there came forty ships. Ulysses led the brave Cephallenians, who held Ithaca, Neritum with its forests, Crocylea, rugged Aegilips, Samos and Zacynthus, with the mainland also that was over against the islands. These were led by Ulysses, peer of Jove in counsel, and with him there came twelve ships. Thoas, son of Andraemon, commanded the Aetolians, who dwelt in Pleuron, Olenus, Pylene, Chalcis by the sea, and rocky Calydon, for the great king Oeneus had now no sons living, and was himself dead, as was also golden-haired Meleager, who had been set over the Aetolians to be their king. And with Thoas there came forty ships. The famous spearsman Idomeneus led the Cretans, who held Cnossus, and the well-walled city of Gortys; Lyctus also, Miletus and Lycastus that lies upon the chalk; the populous towns of Phaestus and Rhytium, with the other peoples that dwelt in the hundred cities of Crete. All these were led by Idomeneus, and by Meriones, peer of murderous Mars. And with these there came eighty ships. Tlepolemus, son of Hercules, a man both brave and large of stature, brought nine ships of lordly warriors from Rhodes. These dwelt in Rhodes which is divided among the three cities of Lindus, Ielysus, and Cameirus, that lies upon the chalk. These were commanded by Tlepolemus, son of Hercules by Astyochea, whom he had carried off from Ephyra, on the river Selleis, after sacking many cities of valiant warriors. When Tlepolemus grew up, he killed his father's uncle Licymnius, who had been a famous warrior in his time, but was then grown old. On this he built himself a fleet, gathered a great following, and fled beyond the sea, for he was menaced by the other sons and grandsons of Hercules. After a voyage. during which he suffered great hardship, he came to Rhodes, where the people divided into three communities, according to their tribes, and were dearly loved by Jove, the lord, of gods and men; wherefore the son of Saturn showered down great riches upon them. And Nireus brought three ships from Syme- Nireus, who was the handsomest man that came up under Ilius of all the Danaans after the son of Peleus- but he was a man of no substance, and had but a small following. And those that held Nisyrus, Crapathus, and Casus, with Cos, the city of Eurypylus,
A Good story ? It is March 31st,2009 My name is Steve Weattie. Alot of people call me Steve Wheaties, my wife calls me Steevey Weevey. I live in the busy city of Boston. I have a job as a manager of internfal affairs at the Boston Public Library. It may sound a bit espionage saying that I handle internal afairs but I'm the head boss for all that goes on at the library. I'm the man that handles security. Someone steals a book in front of our cameras Im the man that security tells first,I'm the man that handles books coming in to this library and out and know what books should be banned from this library.I wasnt all that good in math as a kid but I deal with library funds at times. Im not the head man to handle that but I work with everyone. It's alot to handle for one man. It may seem a bit unrealistic. How can one man be handling all these things for a library? Sounds like something out of a story. I would have thought so too,but its all true. Im a busy man but I worked hard in my life to get this far to the top. As a kid I always wanted to be a librarian,I did too when I was a teenager,I just became something more at the end. It's alot of responsibilty but I'm an organized man. I have enough time to be here at this library everyday except for Sundays and be home by 6 or 7 to spend the night with my wife. Today is March 31st,2009. It is 5:29 A.m. Im laying down next to my sweet wife _____. She's sleeping peacefully and I feel like everything is right in the world with me. She lays there so sweet. Her bosom rising and falling with every breath,her beautiful face in peace,every aspect of her is beautiful. With her next to me I feel like I can do anything. As usual she sleeps with her pink fluffy pillow,her pink fluffy blanket,in her pink pajamas. If I didnt know by now that her favorite color in the world is pink, I would have to be a very stupid person.It's funny to be sleeping with a pink blanket,a pink pillow underneath my head as well. At least I dont wear the pink pajamas. I have still some man dignity on me. For her though, I would walk down the street in pink. I would be laughed at but it would be worth it to make her happy. My colors for me have always been black and yellow. I cant seem to know why I like both. I cant just like black or just like yellow. I only like these colors in a combination. Their too distinct colors but I seem to enjoy both colors as well as pink which I began after I met ____. It is 5:45 A.m now and that means I should take a shower now. I get out of our king sized Serta Bed, thats one good bed never had a bad nights sleep with that bed, and walk to the bathroom to take a shower.It feels nice under my feet to walk on the pink mats in the bathroom. Sigh. Well... I do this everyday and I wouldnt change it for the world. I always feel content with my life. I mention pink so much and I tolerate my wifes adoreness with pink. Its a fine color just as red or blue would be ,but I dont consider myself to be less a man to like the color. Its funny that I always assure myself that everyday when I reach the bathroom. It's just a funny habit I have. I dont think its a bad habit at all. It keeps my life in balance doing almost the same thing everyday. I say almost since I never know what me and my wife will do. Shes very engergetic and outgoing so one minute we could be eating and next me and her could be throwing water at each other for fun. I also never know what will ever happen at work. THeres always something that could happen at work...a book stolen, a disturbed patron making a scene in the library entrance, you just never know. It is 6:03 A.m and I have finished taking a shower. Im dressed in one of my best suits since today I know I have a meeting with a few members of the Children Donation FUnd. I will be making sure that the libray has the theme of children and caring for needful children. Ill prob prospose the idea of putting childrens faces around the library and donation boxes near the childrens room,near entrances and such. It shouldnt be a bad day. Its Tuesday and Tuesdays are the days where usually activity and such is very slow. No problem for me though..if work is slow then at least Ill have my house to come home to with ____. It is 6:25 A.m and Im eating breakfast at my polished table with pink flower designs. Im eating Cocoa Puffs from a pink bowl with a pink flower spoon. Im reading yesterdays Boston Globe since the newspaper doesnt come to our house till 7 o clock. I usually am behind the news by one day but thats ok for me since I read the news just to know current events or to bring up some such thing I read in the newspaper in a meeting like "Why are we all acting like the Dubois family that fought over their dog for ? Lets just be the state of Massachusetts and get rid of the Dubois family?" It is 6:45 A.m. Ive cleaned my cereal bowl ,put away the cocoa puffs and am heading upstairs to kiss ____ goodbye. I would be a fool to try to wake her up since she never can wake up early. If I tried to wake her up with me in the morning she would be cranky the whole day. Well,she'll be waking up soon since she may want to go to the mall later. As she told me there will be a new purse out on sale today that will have a built in cell phone holder,a mini tv screen to watch the latest soap operas and it even has satellite so you can watch any nationality of soap operas wheter it be Japanese or Russian or even Arab. Hmm...I also think this new purse will be pink and have an automated cell phone operator meaning I think if you click some certain button the purse it can put your phone on to answer a call. Shes always saying how sometimes I call her and she can never pick up the phone because its in her purse and she has to try to find the phone in her purse and by that time she misses the call. So..maybe this will be a good purse for her. "____ Im leaving for work ok? I left you some goodies on the kitchen table and a surprise in your make -up kit. ON the kitchen table I have for her a pumpkin pie for her that I bought last night . In the make -up kit ive left for her 200 $. Of course shes not a spend thrift we have to do some food shopping, so I dont expect her to use all that money for the purse. Well I hope so. "hhmmm..ok my steevey weevy Ill see you later then." I moved for the usual good morning kiss . I kissed her on her lips. Most of the time that would wake her up but today I could see she was a bit tired so I gave her a not too long kiss on the lips and one on her forehead and cheek. I Then I put my hand threw her hair and said Ill see you later _________" "Mhmm k Steevey I love you." I love you so much more _____ ,I told her. It is 7:21 A.M. I kissed my wife goodbye earlier. I walked out of the house,into the garage, entered my black Beemer that was next to my wifes Beemer, a pink convertible. My beemer was the usual sedan. It had the usual leather seats,GPS system, pink dice in the mirror one pink one actually and the other one black,heating on the seats,and a kickin stereo system. Yeah kickin..well for listening to music it always makes me feel cool and young. It is 7:27 A.M. and I m close to the library. Theres plenty of traffic at this time. I just have to drive down this street,pass Boston Common,take a right at Lowe's Theater and just head straight down and I'll be there. As of now Im close to nearing Lowe's Theater. Too many s toplights and people passing. So many commuters are clogging up this street. Every damn minute Im stopping for them! It's just annoying that they pop up every few feet when you gain a foot. I remember my days as a commuter so I cant get pissed at these people. I use to try to run past cars and people to reach the train station to catch my train. Hmm...my commuter days are one of my greatest years in my life as well. Its how I met ______ in fact. Hmm...something also happened on a train back then but I cant seem to remember. It is 7:35 A.m and I am now at Lowe's Theater just have to turn right and Ill be on the street that leads to the library. Look both ways and hmm...wow look at that black dump truck there. Jet black with a shade of yellow on the side to spell some words. I cant read the words. Aha funny my favorite two colors on this weird dump truck black and yellow. So..anyway look left. To the left I have the dump truck here and to the right just that street and just looking for pedestrians. It is 7:36 A.M and I flick the switch to turn my right signal on. Tick Tick Tick the green arrow ticks and tocks on my dashboard. I turn my wheel slowly to the right. I look fast again to my left while my Beemer is in motion. The black and yellow truck is coming up fast to me. My heart is getting faster. Maybe I should wait for this thing to pass. Im in the middle of the road though. I just cant stop. I keep on moving and hope that the driver will realize his mistake and stop. My car is still in a turn and suddenly the truck is somehow so close to me that I can see the driver inside. I cant believe my eyes. I thought I would never see HIM again. How is he here? All I know is that this thing I once knew but I dont have time to think. I have to get out of his way!. Before I have time to think of what Im going to do for a motion with my car the dump truck smashes hard into the driver side of my car. My side. I feel an intense pressure on my left like someone just took my whole side and squeezed it all together. My heart is being crushed by pounds of metal. I cant breathe. THe light of day is gone and I only see complete darkness. Im going to die. Why must I die? I dont want to leave _____. I love her too much. How could she handle it? I dont know how I can be thinking when I probably have serious injuries. I feel the pain so intense and yet I expected to lose consciousness. My sight is of blackness and I think maybe Ill be able to stay awake threw all this,maybe I will stay alive. As soon as I even begin to think this I feel like I'm rolling over and over and over and over. My head is crashing against the ceiling of the car I think. What the hell is goin on? I cant think anymore. I cant breathe. I cant breathe. I cant breathe. I cant............................ "Goooood morning everyone. This is abc News in the Morning and I'm Patrick o DOnell " "And im Sara Fontaine who will give you your traffic updates. "Im Lindsey Hamilton who will be giving you your Boston weather for the day. "Aaaand I;m Johnny Repp who wull be giving you your update on who married who,who broke up with who,and who wants to break up with who on your entertainment news. THIS IS abc NEWS IN THE MORNING. "Good Morning to our viwers. Today is Tuesday March 31st 2009. Its 7:59 on this windy day wouldnt you say Sara? "Ill tell you it sure was Patrick. I almost was blown away today by the winds but thats for Lindsey to tell us right ? "Of course of course" "In this mornings news, two Turkish planes bombed Kurdistan today due to PKK militants killing 10 Turkish militants outside of a customs building in the Istanbul District. "OOO doesnt sound good now does it Patrick?" "Well...that may not sound good but today in Boston there will be the annual Children week. "Oh yes I was looking forward to that." "So for all those people that would like to chip in and help some children...the event will be held at the Boston South End pubic Library today at 3 p.m and should last till 7 p.m tonight and then of course same time tomorrow . There should be groups for children to play in and for adults,small workshops on how we can help our chidlren. "O yes that does sound nice. For anyone thats trying to get anywhere near the Boston Library you wont have much luck. " Why is that Sara who is with the traffic who should have said that she was the traffic woman. "AHAHAH well Lindsey it's a bit shocking to find that there was an accident right across from the Boston Common nearly a half hour ago. " "Oh wow right in a public street too. " "Yes so dont try going down Winter,Summer, or Franklin ST. Besides that there was one accident on Rt. 128, there is a bit of a bulge there but there shoud be an estiamted wait time in traffic of 5 -10 minutes. Besides that the roads are clean this morni