Architectural Designs

Please i need help reviewing my letter of intent.its my first time writing one.?

Im applying to the school of architecture and environmental design (BEDs/M.Arch) at Dalhousie and I need help reviewing my letter of intent. Could any please be so kind to read through and give me their opinions/advice ? its quite lengthy (about 490 words) but the faculty site asked to include pretty much everything. I've never had reason to write a letter of intent before so this is my first. thank you. My name is Osah Russell. I am a 20 year old Nigerian male and currently a student enrolled under the Faculty of Engineering, of the Department of Petroleum Engineering at the University of Port Harcourt, Rivers State, Nigeria. I am a broadly minded, creative thinker whose creativity and active imagination have evolved quite interestingly over the years into the deep passion I have for my environment, its contents and how proper environmental principles and structural design conceptualization as well as implementation can aid achieve the balance sought where man and his environment can exist in a feasible, symbiotically stable equilibrium. Consequently, I intend furthering my education at the University of Dalhousie under the School of Environmental Design and Architecture so as to partake in the highly competent learning atmosphere at an Institution that is passionate about architectural education, an Institution that upholds both high national and international reputations as well as standards and presently is the only architecture program in Canada that includes integrated co-op work terms alongside a compact yet comprehensive University schedule. Thus it has become my greatest priority to further my education at such an esteemed School and in due course form part of successful alumni at the University of Dalhousie. As aforementioned, I am presently studying Petroleum Engineering at the undergraduate stage. I just commenced my third year studies at the university level. I do some work as a graphic artist and sometimes work at a young local studio within the City of Port Harcourt. During the past three years of education at the University of Port Harcourt, I have learned skills that range from everyday communication and relations, change and conflict management to social and organizational learning.The team work experience garnered from work and time spent at the studio have also enhanced my ability to understand, appreciate and effect the required organization on my surroundings as well as compose my environment to fit prevailing working conditions.I am also quite versed with design oriented computer applications, primarily, Adobe's Photoshop and Autodesk's 3d's Max. Furthermore, I believe I possess outstanding written and oral communication attributes and have excellent creative, observational, appreciatory, and analytical skills essential to meet the intense demands requisite to pursue and obtain a professional degree in architecture at such a prestigious School. I am most confident I will like and indeed find motivating the subjects offered under the architecture program at The University of Dalhousie. I will also acclimatize to my environment using all apt and necessary means not only to elevate myself as a student but also as a critically thinking, resourceful mind, for the good of my fellow students and colleagues, the University at Dalhousie and my environment as a whole. Thus it is my sole intention to apply for the architecture program (BEDs/March) offered at the University Of Dalhousie under The School of Architecture. I will be most grateful if my application is considered in favourably. Sincerely Yours, Russell Osah.

Public Comments

1. for starters, it's Dalhousie University, not "University of Dalhousie"
2. Here's my edited version of your letter.... Dear Sirs; My name is Osah Russell and I am a 20 year old Nigerian male student currently enrolled under the Faculty of Engineering, of the Department of Petroleum Engineering at the University of Port Harcourt, Rivers State, Nigeria. I am a broad minded, creative thinker whose creativity and active imagination have evolved quite interestingly over the years into the deep passion that I have for my environment, its contents and how proper environmental principles and structural design conceptualization as well as implementation can aid in achieving the balance sought for man and his environment to exist in a feasible, symbiotically stable equilibrium. Consequently, I intend furthering my education at the University of Dalhousie under the School of Environmental Design and Architecture so as to partake in the highly competent learning atmosphere at an institution that is passionate about architectural education An institution that upholds both high national as well as international reputations and standards, and presently is the only architecture program in Canada that includes integrated co-op work terms alongside a compact yet comprehensive university schedule. Thus, it has become my greatest priority to further my education at such an esteemed school and, in due course, form part of successful alumni at the University of Dalhousie. As I mentioned prior, I am presently studying Petroleum Engineering at the undergraduate stage. This is my third year of studies at the university level, and I am doing some work as a graphic artist while also working at a young local studio within the City of Port Harcourt. During the past three years, I have learned skills that range from everyday communication and relations, change and conflict management, to social and organizational learning.The team work experience garnered from work and time spent at the studio have also enhanced my ability to understand, appreciate and effect the required organization on my surroundings as well as compose my environment to fit prevailing working conditions. I am also quite versed with design oriented computer applications, primarily, Adobe's Photoshop and Autodesk's 3d's Max. I believe I possess outstanding written and oral communication attributes and have excellent creative, observational, appreciatory, and analytical skills essential to meet the intense demands requisite to pursue and obtain a professional degree in architecture at such a prestigious School. Furthermore, I am confident that I will enjoy and be motivated by the subjects offered under the architecture program at The University of Dalhousie. I will also use all apt and necessary means to not only elevate myself as a student, but also as a critically thinking, resourceful mind for the good of my fellow students and colleagues, the University at Dalhousie and my environment as a whole. That being said, it is my intention to apply for the architecture program (BEDs/March) offered at the University Of Dalhousie under The School of Architecture. Your favorable consideration of my application would be gratefully appreciated. Sincerely Yours;