Architectural Designs

Is this paragraph well written to sen to a university application?

I finished my architectural studies in Quito, on December 2007. I have always been interested in social projects. I did my thesis in popular housing for Ecuador. Financial and architectonical plans were proposed for a housing prototype. During the undergraduate summers I had the opportunity to make two internships for a Foundation called HelpingOthers that develops different projects in a marginal area in Calcuta. When I just finished architecture I traveled to New York and worked for Architects Firm in two projects. Here I had the opportunity to share with talented coworkers that allowed me to give my best under a very competitive environment. Later I returned to Ecuador, where I designed a project for poor kids and it was approved and sponsored by the government. Then I worked at Desing Architects firm on practical manual for the design of popular housing according to the International Building Code (2006). The combination of my social projects and my studies in architecture made me decide for this program in Urban Planning.

Public Comments

1. Yes, it states what you want it to state. It reads well.
2. Not bad but with a few spots that need editing. Try this: finished my architectural studies in Quito, on December 2007. I have always been interested in social projects. I did my thesis on popular housing for Ecuador, proposing financial and architectural plans for a housing prototype. During the undergraduate summers I had the opportunity to do two internships for a Foundation called HelpingOthers that develops different projects in a marginal area in Calcutta. When I finished architecture I travelled to New York and worked for Architects Firm on two projects. Here I had the opportunity to share with talented coworkers that allowed me to give my best under a very competitive environment. Later I returned to Ecuador, where I designed a project for poor children which was approved and sponsored by the government. Then I worked at Desing Architects firm on a practical manual for the design of popular housing according to the International Building Code (2006). The combination of my social projects and my studies in architecture made me opt for this program in Urban Planning.
3. I think it is far too long, and topics seem to go back and forth, rather than in a logical order. Furthermore, the lack of punctuation as well as grammatical errors make this piece difficult to read and comprehend. It would be much easier to read, and stand out, if you'd change this into three paragraphs.