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Marriage and Finances-He wants luxury and I don't?

I am 22 and my fiance is 25 and are planning on getting married this summer. He has been at the same job for a few years and makes about $42K, I am in college with 1 yr. to go until I become a teacher and only make about $11,000 working part-time. I'd rather have a joint account when married but because I will be about $7,000 in debt from school, etc when I graduate he prefers to have separate accounts. When talking about the distant future, he wants to be making a couple hundred thousand a year and living in a 'million dollar home' leading a comfortable life. I grew up in a poor immigrant family and distrust people that have luxuries but he assures me that he would also be contributing to charity. Still, I feel uneasy, I don't want a 'luxurious' life, just a nice little house-easy to clean and maintain, he says we could later afford a maid- I just want a modest life where I don't worry about $ and give to those less fortunate. Could our marriage work with these different visions? He is about to receive a promotion. He's a very smart guy and is already seriously investing for retirement and in mutual funds. My fiance is big on saving for the 'later' and is great with money, also has a great work ethic, so I think ten years down the road he's going to be very well established in his career and making a lot of money. He has been asked if he could move to Seattle to be a manager there but he turned it down because I have to stay in school down in Portland, so I trust him but last night he asked me if I'd move if he had a good job offer later down the road. I told him that if I had been teaching at the same school for a long time and it was a positive environment, I would not want to move just so he'd be making more money. I am more concerned with having the essentials and a 'job' I love than leaving everything especially my family just to have more money. Excess money is not important to me as I believe it has the ability to corrupt even the most well-intentioned.

Public Comments

1. Only if the two of you can learn how to compromise.
2. of course it can. you two just need to sit down and talk and come up with a compromise. there is nothing wrong with living well if you can afford it. why do you distrust people who have luxuries? there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you give back as well.
3. If he wants that kind of lifestyle...He had better get busy in finding another job....or climb the corporate ladder....Because with his current salary...there is no way you will be able to afford a "million dollar home"..... your marriage can work...if you have the means to support the lifestyle that he wants...but if you have to rely on credit cards and several loans....it will never work....
4. It can work just fine, but since money issues are one of the biggest causes of serious problems in a marriage, this all needs to be addressed before you get married. Pre-marriage counseling is becoming more popular right now and I'd advise you guys to do this. Things like joint accounts aren't necessarily dealbreaker type stuff, but as you said yourself, you do appear to have different visions of the kind of life you want. This one can pose real problems down the road.
5. I understand youre a little uneasy about this given your background and all. But do you trust your fiance? If you think that hes serious about still contributing to charity, then I see no problem with it. If hes constantly money hungry and you notice a pattern, then you might want to rethink this. Having money does crazy things to people but it all comes down to if you think your fiance can handle a luxurious lifestyle without him getting out of control and obsessed
6. the two of you can learn how to compromise, and communicated.
7. If you are going to be a teacher and he makes 42k a year at 25, you won't have to worry about.
8. Why do you distrust people that have luxuries? I'm a naturalized U.S. Citizen, when we came here, we didn't have much of anything. My mom now runs her own business and makes close to 80k. I eventually want to be wealthy and control my own purse strings. There's nothing wrong with being wealthy. You can live life poor and always be afraid, or you can enjoy your money and live nicely. Just because people are wealthy doesn't mean that they are greedy. Many wealthy people donate to charity and help out causes. Even if you are poor, you do worry about money. Listen, money is nothing to be afraid of. Its just paper. Its just a tool. It all depends on the person who uses it. If you trust your fiance then why be afraid? Poor or wealthy, you do have to manage whatever cashflow you have. You just have to educate yourself about finances, and once you do that, managing your money is easy. Many people become millionaires but end up being broke because they couldn't manage their money and couldn't control themselves. Just because they ended up like that, doesn't mean that you have to. Why spend the rest of your life afraid of money? Learn about money and finances. Star small and bit by bit you will know more about money. EDIT: Money doesn't corrupt everyone. No one holds a gun to your head and tells you to become greedy. Look at Oprah, look how much she's helped so many people. I think it all comes down to your attitude about money and if you are afraid of it and uncomfortable with it then you might get carried away with it. I'm very comfortable with the idea of having a lot of money. That would be my ideal situation. I think if you and your partner can't see eye to eye and can't compromise then find someone with similar money attitudes. I think its a shame that you are so afraid of money.
9. Luxury is all relative. We make a very good living, but I don't think we live in luxury. I drive a 2002 pick-up truck and we don't hire any domestic help. You can see a picture of our house in my profile. What I'm trying to tell you is not to worry about it. You will "grow into" whatever your earnings are. A word to the wise.... pay cash for everything with the exception of your house and get out of debt as soon as possible. Good luck.
10. OK, if you tag around with your husband and keep quitting jobs to take new ones, that will affect your social security income down the line. It will affect your job history. It will impact on your job retirement plans. You have a lot to think about. I moved around with my husband and had to quit many good jobs. Today I have nothing and he has a decent job, but we lost a business and now I'm back in college and I only have17 yrs. til retirement. We don't own a home now. It takes it's toll. If you like stability and he likes excitement, you are in for a rude awakening later. Also, my husband has a huge ego and likes finer things too that we cannot afford. Perhaps you think about your true compatibility, money and stability are huge issues in a marriage - esp. when the children come along and you as a stay at home wife ends up holding the bag while he makes all the decisions. I sense there is a little voice in you telling you something - yet you rationalize it away. Accept it may have it's consequences some day. Why not be your own woman for a while and live alone after college and then reassess if you both are on the same wavelength as far as values. Don't let "potential money" occlude your rationality.