Architectural Designs

rate my story 1-10 < its really good (:?

Today Is going to be Horrible, I can just imagine what the future holds in its book of wonders. Can you imagine moving to a whole new state, in a new school, with no friends that sit in your heart? Its May, It appears to be spring, around the time when nature blossoms, and you could spot beautiful flowers any many shades of color. The best part of May is when, you get to walk in the misty meadows where there is still some winter breeze left, and the wind striving through your hair. Back in my home town before I moved here to Seattle, I lived in a country off of Carson city- Nevada. Its very sunny up there, everyday before school I would get off my big yellow buss, and walk down my dirt road to home. Even know we have many hot weathers, Carson city sure do have some nice misty, breezy meadows. Before I ever would return home, I would stop by my local plain of meadows, and set my spirit free, and worry about nothing but the terrific blue sky, and the singing birds in the tree tops. Every morning when I wake up, I breathe deeply, and rejoice the crispy fresh air in the atmosphere. Every morning mother keeps it real toasty because we are from Nevada, and we are not use to the chilly weathers. It almost seems as if a twelve foot giant threw a bed spread over our house. Mother always believed that a warm morning, brings warm welcomes in the house. I just moved from Nevada, and we had to leave because the population increased in our town, so bad that we all were running out of water supply, and extra space. Mother use to work at the old hospital in my town called saint phials children’s care. She got fired, just because she gave the wrong medicine to a child. Since our home life was going wrong as a single mother of two, no job, and a tight fitting in the community mother decided we should move on and start a brand spanking new life. So we picked up our bags and headed off to Seattle, Washington. “Lauran, please get the door. It might be the manager of our apartment please” my mother pleaded, as she nibbled on a ham sandwich. I slowly lifted my self up from our black leather couch, in our small size living room. When I reached the door knob I took precaution. When I opened up our old fashion wooden door, a tall man around 40 with a black dinner suit appeared at the door. “Hello maim, is your mother home, or available” he questioned. “Um. Yes sir one moment” I motioned my mother with my hand expecting her to reply. Luckily she did, she stood up and set her plate down, and wiped her hands on her dark jeans, and straitening her light purple flowered blouse. “Hello um please come in” my mother introduced her self, and they had a long conversation about what she does, and what she is planning on doing. Mother should win this battle of survival as a single mother, with two kids supporting us with every cent she has. Mother is a strong slender woman that stands about 5`6ft tall, with amber eyes beating down your very own. She has very long dark brown hair, curly, and silky. Most friends, and family say I am an exact replica of my mother. Except I have shorter straighter hair, and stand 5`3. As I sat on the couch listening to my mothers conversation, my mother tilted her head and brushed her hair with her long linger fingers. Mom always played with her hair when she felt nervous. “Well I guess we can rearrange an opening at the front desk, or any other opening at the apartment” he grumbled. “Yes that would be great. Hold on please.” she asked. Then she turned to me and set her attention on her gold watch. Then glared back at me, “Sweetie do your dear mom a favor, and go feed Ryan Dale Macaroni and cheese, and you some too Okay” she mumbled then started back in there conversation. As I walked away I rolled my eyes, lucky for me she did not ketch a glimpse, she was to busy in to her deep conversation. I walked into my brand new kitchen. We only been here for a week. The kitchen is pretty descent, it has a island, and a two door fridge with a built in dishwasher. For only being here for a week, we have enough food to hold us over for another week or two. I searched the dark wooden cabinets for some macaroni and cheese to hold over and Ryan Dale and I.

Public Comments

1. on a scale of 1 to 10? hmmm... 11! AWESOME!
2. i dont see where the story is going, it needs more excitement. but the details are GREATT! i say its a 8
3. Very, VERY good details and describing, but the plot so far is a little cliche. Add some excitement! :)
4. There are a lot of grammatical and spelling errors in this. I'm not sure where the story is going, but it did catch my attention about the whole single mother thing. I want to know what happened to the father, did the mom and dad get divorced, did he die? Right now, though, the story seems to be a bit bland, the descriptions good, but there seems to be no action or excitement. I give it a 6
5. i would give it a 9.555. some misspelings and i don't really know what it is about
6. Sorry, I guess I'll be the one to rain on your parade. :-( It's a bit too wordy, and suffers from nothing actually "happening". They just moved in to town. A dude in a suit shows up at the door, mom asks for a job. Mom says make some mac and cheese. Zzzzzzzzz.. The descriptions are amateurish too. Don't do the police dossier: "mom has amber eyes, stands 5'6", no distingushing features." "daughter, 5'3", straight hair, amber eyes too, no distinguishing features." It lacks excitement, but it's not terrible. You do some good description of the house as an oven. It definitely needs more paragraph breaks though.