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Mom's & Men your opinions please.?

My best friend is with a guy who is really a nice guy. He is stable has a good job and is good to her. My question is is he really serious about her or just glad to have a steady sex life? She has 2 children from a previous marriage both girls ages 7 & 4 and they started dating a year ago in April. Around last September she told her family and I that they were moving in together. That he was buying a house for all of them to move into with him, she was allowed to have judgement in the house. They spent only a month looking for a house and had some disagreements. He lives in another town about 20mins away from the town she lives in. His parents own and operate a very small grocery store that he is 1 of 4 managers of. She stated that she wanted to buy the house in the town in which she lives which is about 15x the size of his town. The town that she works in and her children go to school in. He went without her and looked at a house in the small town. He actually made a bid to buy the house before she had even seen it they had a big fight because she stated there was no way the two of them and her two children where going to fit in this house. He bought it anyway. I think the main reason he bought it is because everything in it was brand new. It is a 3br. ranch style house with no basement and she needs storage space. She lives in an apartment that is bigger than this house. The original plan was for him to move into the house immediatly and she had a lease on her apt. that didn't expire until Feb 2009. So she was going to move in in Feb. Well out of the blue he decides that they have been arguing too much over the house so he figures lets wait a year and she can move in in Feb 2010. She was upset over this however still plans to move in with him in Feb. Now she is a person of limited income and lives in income based apartments and gets some assistance from the government. If she moves in with him she is going to have to give up her big, very nice, cheap apt and stop getting the assistance. So she is taking a big gamble here. Because getting those apartments are a shot in the dark! She is selling ALL of her furnature and over half of her kids toys in a yard sale this summer to be able to fit into this house. They are going to have to switch schools. Not to mention where she lives now her children can have seperate bedrooms if they'd like (they currently don't due to their choice) And her extra room is a toy room. These girls have tons of toys and they only get to take about 4 buckets worth to the new house. Because "they never play with them" Not to mention that at his house there is 3 bedroom but he has all of the bedrooms filled. There is his bedroom, a "guest" bedroom and then an exercise/computer room. When she talked about what he was going to do with all of his stuff he said they didn't need to get rid of all of their extra stuff that maybe they should put it in storage "just in case". I'm also very concerned about the children. Their real father is a piece of crap and comes in and out of their lives constantly and really their only stability comes from the home that they have made in this apt. The 7yr old is crying constantly over everything, she is currently in theropy for it and her mother refuses to see that her relationship with her boyfriend contributes to the problem. My friend has been single for the last 4yrs and her children have had her to themselves and are not dealing well with sharing her with a man. My friend refuses to see that she has any part in what is going on with her oldest daughter she blames it all on her Dad. Well her Dad has be inconsistant her whole life and this behavior has just came about in the last year. My friends sister and I are really concerned for her. They do argue quite a bit. They have one big fight about once every two weeks where he storms out and leaves. He says that he is always stressed out because of work. He does work 40hrs a week at a grocery store as a manager. His parents own the store and there are 3 other managers. His father being one of them. She also told us that if something happened to where they broke up he would let her keep the house and that it is their house not just his. We were at a get together and her sister's husband is Mr. Funny man and decided to put her statment to the test. He asked him if they broke up what would happen with the house. He stated he would go to his parents house until she found somewhere to go. Then Mr. Funny man asked him whose house it was and he wouldn't answer the question. He absolutly refused to answer it. Kinda wierd huh? But my question to the guys is. Does is sound like this man has any intentions of commiting to my friend? My question to the Mom's is. If you were in this situation what would you do? I know it is so much easier to judge looking in. My friend is a wonderful mother but doesn't always make the best decisions. I just want so ba

Public Comments

1. Well, his 'non commental" answer to Mr. Funnyman says it all and that is, "It's his house, he's not going anywhere and she is going to be out on her @$$". This guy has bad intentions. My aunt was in a similar situation and is just now getting a divorce from him. She had been previously married with two daughters and then "Ron" comes along and decides to marry her up and move in with her and have some more kids. And of course, it was a rushed situation just like the one above, and 12 years later after going though hell and NEVER getting along -they are canning it. My advice is to buy her the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt. Sometimes it's impossible for women to see the mistakes they are making just by having a good friend point it out to them. They have reservations bc they think you don't know what it's like to "not have a bf" or that you've "never been there". Somtimes it's better to have a MAN point it out. It doesn't hurt to hear the truth from a man's perspective who knows how women need to be valued etc. and that's exactly what this guy does. The book is short and I would tell her to read it, get past the first chapter and that the only reason you give it to her is because it has a lot of truth to it. If she gives up that apartment, moves her kids and drives to her job -what has she gained? A lot more time and energy put into something that is not guranteed. If he was a real man, and was interested in her, the house would have been half her decision like it was supposed to be in the beginning. If he really cared, there are a million other houses out there and he wouldn't have rushed into one and then given the ultimatum. That ultimatum even says it all "either commit and do what I say or you're out" and she doesn't need that. Anyone could tell you this is a bad deal just bc of that. Get her to read the book, and that will help her to shove this guy out of her life.