Architectural Designs

How do I deal with my in laws when they come over for dinner and in general?

My in laws and I do not have a friendly relationship, its more of hello and bye greeting kind. Its never developed into something close for the past 17 years of being married to their son. There is certainly some built up animosity between us. They are coming over for dinner mainly to see their little grandson and for my father in law to cut my husband's hair, a tradition for them. I'd like to just formally greet them and stay out of their way by going upstairs and do some work on my laptop. I think it'll be less awkward considering I did try to be in the same room before and it just felt uneasy and unbearable. They have a certain standards on what a person does for a living and the family background they come from. While I am no doctor, lawyer or engineer which by the way are the professions of all their three children, I have an MBA. I can tell that they do not respect my parents and this I have been told by my own parents of incidents when my father in law was rude towards them. My parents are financially successful through my dad's construction business. This success has really impressed a lot of people and whether they admit it or not, my in laws as architect and draftsperson have never reached the level my father has. Because of their insecurity, they found a reason to nurse their egos by looking down at business as a lower level profession. My dad is a CPA but found more success and fulfillment in the business world. What do you think? How should I greet them? Can I just say hello, how are you with a smile without a hug? My father in law in particular has this annoying, condescending way of patting my back when I give him a hug. Its done in a light, fast repeated pat on my back, very artificial. I can understand if he's a frail old senior citizen but he's not.

Public Comments

1. Be gracious and an awesome hostess when they come over. You may never win them over. Do it anyway. You never know when one of them may need a genuinely kind and loving person in their life that doesn't put on airs. You will be the one that comes to mind in the darkest night.
2. Simple, stop letting what their idea of success is affect you and your idea of success and happiness. Who cares, just be yourself. The fact is, your parents are happy with their lives and you and your husband are happy with yours. Maybe she is just displacing her own unhappiness onto others, maybe her success hasn't actually fullfilled her own life in some way.
3. Why putting yrself looking things at background/ standard/ level/ type, if relatinship involve these component then never be a natural relatinship and will not go freely. Yes if you might think that people will judge in this maner, then let them be it. How about those couple that 1 is N level then those is degree? Can anyone garranty that this couple woudl not last? Make life simple will do, too many level only give you more complex and see less. Just like i m answer yr question, sure my spelling lot of mistake, but objective is trying my best helping others. I would not border my spelling, because "Wrods" & characters is to communicate, as long as your know my meaning. Simple
4. I think that you should try and be sociable for your children's sake....after all you don't want to give them another reason to as you put it "look down on you". 1st of all they are coming to your house.....this is your territory. 2nd you should not bring your self to their level. 3rd most people look down on others because they are jealous of them in some way. So by your in laws actions toward your parents and their business, it sounds to me that they may be jealous of your parents success and happiness. Eleanor Roosevelt once said "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I say forget them, Greet them with your head held high and remember its your house they are your guest and you should not feel like a third wheel in your own home. If you let them know that you feel awkward, its like being in the ocean with sharks and you bleeding.....the will attack. If you will relax and try not to worry about what they think and focus on your children....Chances are you wont feel so awkward and they will relax also and it may just turn our to be a wonderful evening. I wish you the best.
5. What does your husband have to say about this? Has he voiced an opinion one way or another? Talk to him and see if he has any input on the situation. I can't imagine not getting along with my in laws. They are as close to me as my parents. We all get along famously. Your in laws are very judging people. How do you deal with it. My husband owns and operates his construction company. He is extremely successful. I am the head surgical nurse and I also own my own consulting firm. Between the two of us we want for nothing we have it all and then some. Our kids are all professional people. Our oldest is a doctor that specializes in sports injuries, the next has his own very lucrative car dealership, our daughter is working full time at a doctors office and attending college full time earning a steady 3.90GPA. The last one is an executive chef in a 5 star restaurant. There significant others careers range from hotel clerks to lawyers. We could care less what they do for work. We look at how they treat our children not how much monet they make. We are very fortunate to have all we do, we have also worked very hard for it. We do not look down on those that don't have as much. It is not the way we were raised and it is not how we raised our children. You should talk to your husband about how to deal with his parents. I would encourage you to be polite,friendly and respectful. It is your home,never run and hide in another room. greet them the way you would want to be greeted by them. Not for nothing, but my FIL hugs everyone the way your FIL does. It is just his way. No deeper disrespectful meaning behind it.